CarTalk

My monstrous loaner

It's annual service time for my lovely, wee Bix. The awesome service folk offered me a loaner so's I wouldn't have to T and hoof it all day. Cool – I had a zillion errands and thought, mebbe, since I'd be all the way in Boston already, I could go a bit further and have a walk around Walden. Haven't done that since our Cambridge days. AND, long as I'm out that way, I could hit the deCordova too!

Great ideas, no?

I was figuring the loaner would be some slick late model Smart – like Bix but younger, maybe in yellow, possibly an electric! Yup, I was all thrillingly worked up as I waited for the service dude to bring it 'round. Imagine my surprise and disappointment when he wheels up in this monster huge (relative to my Bix) stylistically boring beast.

Yeah, I ixnayed my big bopping around the Western 'burbs plans. Not only is this hulk MUCH larger than my comfortably small Smart, it’s a very expensive beast. An oopsie in this sucker would set me way the fuck back. Geez, even a tiny scratch would cost more cabbage than I wanted to envision.

Now then, Smarts are made by Mercedes BUT they're affordably priced – even, barely, for me. The starting price, four years ago, was in the $12,000 range. Yes, it’s just a two seater but me and The Amazing Bob didn’t need more than that. In contrast, this temp ride – a Mercedes C300 4matic –  starts at around $41,500. Motherfucking OOF!

According to U.S. News and World Report’s Car Rankings & Advice page:

The 2017 Mercedes-Benz C-Class ranks 6 out of 20 Luxury Small Cars. The 2017 Mercedes-Benz C-Class swaddles its occupants in elegant comfort. It’s full of high-tech features and luxurious cabin materials, and it smooths out bumps in the road. It’s not particularly sporty, however.

A “luxury small car.” Luxurious – absolument! It's utterly posh. Small? Not so’s you’d notice. Rather, it could, possibly, be considered small next to an adult bull elephant or, say, a 1960 Lincoln Continental…fer instance.

On my way home from Smart Heaven, I managed to run most of my errands (only the ones that wouldn't involve parallel parking) and I hit the gym. Yea me but all this driving was done with my adrenaline way up in the stratosphere. I'm hoping that burns calories since I needed an extra cup 'o' Chianti at day's end. HEY, you would too! OK, prolly not. Nevermind.

Given that Bix is now an adult car, bigger things are beginning to need attention. In people years he’d be….lessee now, after one year cars are in their teens, right? At two, they’re young adults. After that, each year equals four human years. Si? That means my Bix is now, more or less, carry the one, in his mid 30s.

What did this year’s annual service reveal? I need a new muffler in order to pass inspection next month. Parts and labor will run me close to a grand – this on top of the general service charge equals ouchie, ouchie, OUCH!

Also, I only mention it but, if a car, my loaner's, gonna be that damn expensive, could it not, please, also have just a smidgen of original style? Something a weensy bit unique like, say, the 1970 Citroën DS 21? I'm not asking for much here, ya know!