The Fifth

Waddayaknow, I made it through another nasty-ass Fourth of July.

Our herd of cats were most def unhappy about all the stupid firework action. Fireworks are illegal for regular citizens to use, have, and/or sell here in Massachusetts – no sparklers, party poppers, and firecrackers. Only people or organizations holding a pyrotechnic certificate of competency (fireworks license) and a permit can, by law, set these babies off.

This would be great BUT fireworks are totally legal and easy to get in next-door New Hampshire. The folks who don’t give a fuck about their neighbors who suffer from PTSD, like veterans, or don’t give a rat’s ass about their own cats, dogs, and other critters (let alone yours or mine) and can’t live without their little bomb explosions just hop over the border and go on mad shopping sprees.

The penalty for selling fireworks in Massachusetts? A fine or imprisonment. The fine can be anywhere from $100 to $1000. Imprisonment? One year max. Oh and your inventory will be snatched – that’s mandatory.

What about this – you bought fireworks in New Hampster. You’re now sitting out on the seawall here in Valhalla with your brand-y new box of Black Cats and a case of Coors Light. You haven’t set off any firecrackers yet but you’re planning on doing so right after you kill this next beer. A cop rides up just then. What happens? He takes your case of beer, leaves the Black Cats, and moves on to the next person flouting open alcoholic bev container laws. 

Great. Kid getting buzzed on the seawall (at my age, I consider everyone under 40 a kid), watching the Weymouth fireworks display across the bay? NO problem AT ALL. Kid on the seawall getting drunk, setting off Black Cats every five minutes, which cause Skitter to hide under the couch, trembling in fear and Cake to cower by my feet on the bed as he pisses himself in terror? Yeah, I got BIG problems with this.

What’s the state law for possession and/or use of fireworks by an unlicensed jerk?

Penalty: Fine and confiscation only
Fine: $10 to $100
Seizure of fireworks: Mandatory

If my neighborhood’s typical of the state, there’s no actual fireworks ban enforcement. I’m pissed. Think about how much money the state could take in if the law was enforced. Not only would this unholy week be less traumatizing for pets, wildlife, and those who’ve already suffered more than enough, Massachusetts might actually have enough buckos to fix our goddamn pothole riddled roads. 

That’d be nice.

Day

I’ve never celebrated Independence Day. Sure, I’ve gone to see the fireworks a few times but they were never my thing. They're just a lot of big, mega annoying noise with not enough color, awe, and wonder. Also, I’ve read and lived through enough history to  resent, hate even, all the cheap, rah-rah-rah, unthinking patriotism. This year in particular July 4th feels like much more of a wake and not just because today’s the 9th anniversary of The Amazing Bob’s final death either. 

Today doesn’t feel like the joyous sort of celebration of a long, full tilt boogie life, now complete. This is the wake of someone (a nation) who had a troubled existence, fraught with a shit-ton of nasty-ass addictions and mental illnesses (our out of control egoism, greed, extreme shortsightedness, callousness, cold cruelties and indifferences). BUT there was always the possibility, the spark, a slim thread, a flickering glimmer that the US could be so much more, so much better than it actually was. It never reached its potential though.

This is a day of mourning before we get back up and battle those fuckers some more.

Jesse Duquette

Author Geraldine DeRuiter posted this question on Threads yesterday and I can SO relate. 

Can someone tell me what to do? 

I vote. I donate to candidates. I give money to orgs that do good things. I march. I amplify other people's voices who aren't being heard. 

I honestly don't think any of it matters. This feels hopeless. People with a hell of a lot more power and influence than me aren't able to do a damn thing. 

What do we do here when our government isn't beholden to human decency, the constitution, or its own people?

Writer/comic/actor Tara Jepsen replied:

My thoughts: volunteer for those in need in your neighborhood or city. Remember that many Americans have NEVER been included in the American Dream, yet persisted in asking for more and better. The culture was dire, cruel, and unrelenting in their persecution. (I know you know these things, this is just how I re-orient myself when feeling grave despair.) Let go of thinking it’s your job to fix it. It’s not. We can only act from our means and capabilities, and we’re part of a bigger story.

This helps me. I want to do more...something. I feel so helpless but we all play a part. We can all take steps toward creating change.

Some books that may offer a bit of enlightenment, assistance, tips, what-have-you:

• The Art of War by Sun Tzu was written 2,500 years ago and is still relevant today. Also, you don’t need to buy a copy – it’s available free online. Click the linky. 

One does more to damage an opponent’s potential by undermining their scheme than by merely killing their soldiers. (source) 

• Contagious: Why Things Catch On by Jonah Berger. Basically, how ideas spread and influence culture. If you want to get a revolution going, you gotta make it go viral, eh?

• Rules for Radicals by Saul Alinsky

 The Citizen’s Handbook notes that:

For Alinsky, organizing is the process of highlighting what is wrong and convincing people they can actually do something about it. The two are linked. If people feel they don't have the power to change a bad situation, they stop thinking about it.

Yup! What’s Rule 1? Power is not only what you have, but what an opponent thinks you have.

This book can also be downloaded for FREE. Click on the linky. 

From a novel I just finished (Zoey is Too Drunk for This Dystopia Jason Pargin) and I’m paraphrasing a bit:

Celebrities are an idea. If you want to stop one, you can’t kill the person, you have to kill the idea.

The ideas that need to die are authoritarianism, racism, misogyny, anti-intellectualism, avariciousness, callousness, malignant narcissism. Trump is the celebrity embodiment of all this and more. He may succumb to a combo of Big Mac clogged arteries and hairspray fumes but the ideas will persist through other avatars like Couchfucking Jimmy Bowman, Cosplay Kristi, Nazi fuck Stephen Miller, and on and on. The Heritage Foundation billionaires will never run out of soulless slime balls to shill their shit.

So, amongst other things, the insanity that Stinky and his puppet masters are hyping needs to start giving wicked trash vibes, with all the personality and smell of a gas station toilet at midnight. Make MAGAts as radically uncool and unpopular as they are and deserve to be.

Troubles with Passports

I need to start carrying real identification. My passport expired during my surgery-a-thon years and I no longer have a driver’s license.

I know there’s something called a Real ID but I’ve no fucking clue as to what that is. From what I do understand, passports have more uses (e.g. a passport will get me into Canada, Iceland, and Scotland once I’m able to travel again. A Real ID? Not so much). So, I’m going with that.
Ten took me to CVS to get the photo done yesterday. Lemme just say this…motherfucking, son of a cabbage fart demon, I was def not expecting them to look anywhere near as bad as this. Yes, I see my face in the mirror every day. I am fully aware of all my pre and post surgery nerve damage flaws. I’ve also got it on good authority (Cake) that I’m no spring kitten anymore. 

Still, JAYZUS, Mary, and Joseph, in this pic my visage would scare young children (I’m def not a rugrat fan so, not really a bad thing, all in all), cause MAGAts to cry and wet their already filthy under drawers (oh, looky there – another upside to this monstrous appearance stuff) and cause a herd of shocked warthogs to pause, mid-rampage, to ask WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL WE HOLD DEAR IS THIS! Here in Valhalla we frown on scaring warthogs. Yes, even rampaging ones.

As you can see, even Medusa was a bit taken aback.

Naturally, the second we got home, I had to text Jen.

Me: Just got passport photos.

They’re terrifyingly awful. I mean, I’d show evidence but I value your vision.

I look 1,903 years old, my mouth is at a 45 degree angle to my eyes, I have three piece Samsonite luggage sets under both eyes, my neck is wider than an industrial chimney stack, and we won’t even talk about my hair.

I’m SO ugly.

And I’m gonna cry now.

Jen: You are not ugly!! You are very cute and I’m telling you, passport and drivers license photos are pretty much bad for almost everyone. It sucks man. 

Plus you have a lovely figure 💕

Me: You gotta see these though. I’m Disney monster/villain ugly in them.

If I was single I’d use them on a dating site to repel men. Wait…that’s not what dating sites are about, right?

Jen: AND you are hilarious !

Sorry they didn’t come out good! But they are NOT what you look like missy.

Me: 😏
        n.b. She had NOT yet seen these horror show shots

Jen: Don’t give me that emoji smirk!

Me: In the pic my mouth is at a steeper angle than in the emoji WITHOUT me even trying.

Some people have resting bitch face. I have resting deranged, deformed, Gorgon twat face.

Jen: Sigh, you do not!!! 

I hate seeing pics of myself, always look like a flea bitten ass with the mange. 

Me: Mange is a hard look to pull off. I should know – I keep trying. 
~~~
I’m referring here to my 12,001 brain surgeries where I go around with a half shaved head for a few months or so afterwards because my hair takes FOR-fucking-ever to grow back in. That and those aforementioned 12,001 surgeries have left a bunch ‘o’ big ragged-ass scars. My bunny fur (badly masquerading as human hair) doesn’t seem inclined to put down roots in scar tissue. Fuckers.

Still, on this score, our hero Jen seems to feel she’s got me beat.

😖 She’s wrong, of course.

I’ve let Ten know that it’s a damn good thing we never have people with small children or dogs visiting us. Scarred for life is what they’d be!

And no, you don’t get to see the shots either. I care about your mental health too. Plus, I can’t afford all the therapy sessions you would need afterwards.

Desolation Angel

I dreamed that The Amazing Bob died (which he did – nine years ago Friday) and I could no longer afford to stay here in Valhalla. I was alone. Not only did I have to move but I couldn’t even afford a shitty-ass room in a shared apartment in the most rundown building on the worst street in the last ungentrified, still sketchy neighborhood in Boston. I didn’t even have a cat to console me.

This dream scenario is light-years from reality. During those horrific early grief days I had Jen, Oni, Coco, Rocco, Hillel, Celeste, and other friends caring for me. I didn’t need to leave Valhalla. Still don’t.

 So, what’s the dream about and why am I having it now? As I said on Sunday, this anniversary of TAB's exit is hitting hard. I blame America’s Fascist Party (formerly known as the Republican Party). All of ‘em, including every last motherfucking tiny-brained person who voted for them. Also too, I fault those fuckers who didn’t vote whether it’s because they think their vote makes no difference or they were too damn lazy to get off the damn couch. AND there’s a special place in Hell for the eejits who voted for that grifting Russian puppet Jill Stein. She shows up every four years to get attention not unlike Punxatawney Phil. At least Phil, who has the decency and care to show up every year, isn't helping throw critical elections to Russian assets.

I wish I believed Hell was real. I might take comfort in believing that all these assholes would burn forever in a lake of fire (or suffer much more creative Jan Van Eyck or Hieronymus Bosch brand of eternal punishment)  

The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality. 
~ Dante Alighieri 

Maybe this world is another planet’s hell. 
~ Aldous Huxley  

Which world though? If it’s one in this solar system, I’m betting on Uranus! (of course and yes I’ve the sense of humor and maturity of an 11 year old)

I say let the world go to hell, but I should always have my tea. 
~ Fyodor Dostoevsky, Notes from Underground 

Same, dude, same. Drop a spot of Jamo in mine, please.

And, as Sartre said, Hell is other people. I think me and him would have gotten along just fine – at a distance for both our sakes.

Meanwhile back at Grief City – Ten understands me so well. He brought me onion rings, tatertots, and vegan sausages for brekkie in bed this morning. YOU might think this sounds absolutely beyond weird and icky BUT it was precisely what I was craving.

Grief changes shape, but it never ends.
~ Keanu Reeves

Sometimes solace looks like onion rings for breakfast.

And I believe in the future
We shall suffer no more
Maybe not in my lifetime
But in yours, I feel sure
Song dogs barking at the break of dawn
Lightning pushes the edges of a thunderstorm
And these streets
Quiet as a sleeping army
Send their battered dreams to heaven, to heaven
For the mother’s restless son
Who is a witness to, who is a warrior
Who denies his urge to break and run
Who says, “Hard times?
I’m used to them
The speeding planet burns
I’m used to that
My life’s so common it disappears”
And sometimes even music
Cannot substitute for tears
~ Paul Simon, The Cool, Cool River 

Grief is the price we pay for love.
~ Queen Elizabeth II 

Block Ice

Did you see? There’s a great new app available called ICEBlock.

See something, tap something
ICEBlock is an innovative, completely anonymous crowdsourced platform that allows users to report Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) activity with just two taps on their phone. (source) 

Download it today! 

ICE Asshole Todd M. Lyons is NOT happy about the app. Poor, sad human trafficker!

“CNN’s promotion of an ‘ICE spotting’ app is reckless and irresponsible,” said ICE acting Director Todd M. Lyons. “Advertising an app that basically paints a target on federal law enforcement officers’ backs is sickening. My officers and agents are already facing a 500% increase in assaults, and going on live television to announce an app that lets anyone zero in on their locations is like inviting violence against them with a national megaphone. CNN is willfully endangering the lives of officers who put their lives on the line every day and enabling dangerous criminal aliens to evade U.S. law. Is this simply reckless ‘journalism’ or overt activism?“CNN’s promotion of an ‘ICE spotting’ app is reckless and irresponsible,” said ICE acting Director Todd M. Lyons. “Advertising an app that basically paints a target on federal law enforcement officers’ backs is sickening. My officers and agents are already facing a 500% increase in assaults, and going on live television to announce an app that lets anyone zero in on their locations is like inviting violence against them with a national megaphone. CNN is willfully endangering the lives of officers who put their lives on the line every day and enabling dangerous criminal aliens to evade U.S. law. Is this simply reckless ‘journalism’ or overt activism?” (source) 

Sure, sure and blah, blah, blah... (insert wanking off motion here)

    1)    These "agents" are independent contracting, bounty hunting thugs, wearing bought-online “uniforms”, NOT showing IDs, NOT carrying warrants. They’re targeting people in schools, hospitals, workplaces, offices, homes, and on the streets. These are kidnappers and human traffickers going after innocents based solely on the color of their skin. These are NOT law enforcement officers chasing dangerous criminals. These bounty hunters ARE the dangerous criminals.
    2)    We the People are legally and morally allowed to defend ourselves against assault and abduction. In fact, it is our duty. Stand your ground. Castle Doctrine. Self-defense and all that. Would you passively allow yourself or someone you love to be kidnapped and sold to one of the Stinky Regime’s forced labor camps ? Would you not fight to protect yourself?
     3)    These “assaults” on ICE “agents?” Yeah, Lyin’ Lyons the dickhead doth protest WAY too fucking much, methinks.

Example: Andrea Velez is a US citizen. She was born here.

“She’s a US citizen,” Rosas said through tears. “They’re taking her. Help her, someone.”

In other video, an agent can be seen lifting Velez off the ground and carrying her away. Witnesses told media, including CBS Los Angeles, that the agents never asked Velez for identification, and that she did nothing wrong.

“The only thing wrong with her … was the color of her skin,” Velez’s mother, Margarita Flores, told CBS Los Angeles. (source) 

Later…before they had a chance to human traffic her (and after they *oopsie* discovered she’s actually a US citizen) they manufactured a weaselshit reason for kidnapping her. 

A criminal complaint alleges that Velez “stepped into an officer’s path and and extended one of her arms in an apparent effort to prevent him from apprehending a male suspect he was chasing and that Velez’s outstretched arm struck that officer in the face.”

But Velez and her family dispute this and are considering launching a civil lawsuit against the federal officers.

“Andrea is a victim of excessive use of force by federal agents, they had no right to stop her and no right to beat her. What you see in the videos is police brutality,” Luis Carillo, Velez’s attorney, told NBC Los Angeles. (source) 

Cosplay Kristi, Hamfaced Homan, and Lyin’ Lyons want us all to be feel too terrorized and intimidated to fight back for our lives and the lives of our loved ones. They want us so, so afraid that we’re frozen in place – easy pickings for their masked goon squads.

Fuck that shit with a rusty spork!

The creator of ICEBlock said that “When I saw what was happening in this country, I wanted to do something to fight back,” Aaron told CNN, adding that the deportation efforts feel, to him, reminiscent of Nazi Germany. “We’re literally watching history repeat itself.”

Download ICEBlock today!  

Overwhelmed But There's Cake

I’m feeling more than a bit overwhelmed today. It’s the news. Our insane government continues to be insane. Half of the citizenry is brainwashed or just doesn’t give a fuck. Maybe they're ill or misinformed. Possibly they're more in love with their various bigotries than having a good life on this planet? They either vote against the people who will work to make their lives better or they don’t vote at all. Then they bitch about how fucked up the country is.

Yep, I'm sick of this shit. Today's a good day to stay inside, eat cookies and read escapist sci-fi.

Of all forms of tyranny the least attractive and the most vulgar is the tyranny of mere wealth.
~ Theodore Roosevelt

Democracy is just a word. You have to give it meaning. The US is not a democracy. Most Americans do not vote. We haven't had a real choice for a long, long time now. Wealth rules. Corporations rule. The US is a plutocracy - government by wealthy people. Certain people control multinational corporations. You couldn't get elected in the US without lots of money.
~ Ramsey Clark

When you have a persistent sense of heartbreak and gutwrench, the physical sensations become intolerable and we will do anything to make those feelings disappear. And that is really the origin of what happens in human pathology. People take drugs to make it disappear, and they cut themselves to make it disappear, and they starve themselves to make it disappear, and they have sex with anyone who comes along to make it disappear and once you have these horrible sensations in your body, you’ll do anything to make it go away.
~ Bessel A. van der Kolk 

“That's your solution? Have a cookie?' Astrid asked. 'No, my solution is to run down to the beach and hide out until this is all over,' Sam said. 'But a cookie never hurts.” 
~ Michael Grant, Gone 

Me? A cookie is grand, cake is better – especially one with BIG frosting flowers!

The world is too fucking big. Sometimes, I can't even carry myself through all the love and fear. 
~ Sherman Alexie, You Don't Have to Say You Love Me 

The problem is not that the world is a mess, but that we expect it to be otherwise.
~ Matt Haig, Notes on a Nervous Planet 

He began to feel overwhelmingly guilty for still being alive, while others continued to die around him.
~ Jason Medina, The Manhattanville Incident: An Undead Novel 

Then for no reason and for every reason, she burst into tears.
~ Karelia Stetz-Waters  

Things that matter. Things that don’t.

In our younger days

Friday was the ninth anniversary of when The Amazing Bob died the first time. For some reason it’s hitting me hard this year. I thought, nine years on, the pain would be less. Some years have been bearable, not quite so acutely harsh. This isn’t one of them.

TAB in bloom

Ten suggested that world events and the despicable state of our country right now are underscoring, spotlighting a pain that’s always lurking under the surface. Yup. As uszh, I believe he’s right.

Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.
~ Megan Devine 
~~~
I see that Bezos and his Mar-a-Lago-faced blow up doll got hitched. With all his money, he had to go down the hackneyed, done-to-death, SO 19th century, wedding in Venice route? Honestly, how trite. That and he had D list celebs like the Kardashians there? Was he unable to pay anyone with actual accomplishments, elegance or sophistication to attend? For Bast’s sake, even bean shilling Ivanka was in attendance. I wonder, was Kim Gargoyle unavailable or were the wedding planners afraid she’d outclown the bride?

Re: the plastic fantastic bride – I was surprised by her choice of wedding dress. As with her other sartorial choices, it was skintight BUT her chesticles were actually ON THE INSIDE! I don't think this has ever happened before (at least not on camera). Not even a hint of cleavage. This is truly shocking.
~~~
Yesterday was the funeral for Minnesota House Speaker Melissa Hortman and her husband Mark. They were assassinated on June 14th by a crazed Trump cultist (I know – redundant). Gilbert, their beloved golden retriever who was murdered with them, lay in state at the Minnesota Capitol rotunda also. Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, and, of course, Tim Walz were in attendance.

Who did NOT attend or make mention of the assassinations, funeral or, grieving family, friends, and constituents? I bet you can guess. The bodies are cold; the fire’s out; the arsonist’s work is done – he doesn’t need to be on the scene anymore. 

Given Anus Face’s cruel, crass, barbaric, and subhuman immediate response, I’d be stunned if he did show up to the funeral. 

Days after a Minnesota state lawmaker was killed and another was injured in a "politically motivated assassination," President Donald Trump said Tuesday he would not call the state's governor, eschewing a traditional presidential response to tragedies. 

"Why would I call him? I could call and say, ‘Hi, how you doing?’ The guy doesn’t have a clue," Trump said, referring to Democratic Gov. Tim Walz, who was the vice presidential contender facing off against Trump's ticket last year. "He’s a mess. So I could be nice and call, but why waste time?” (source) 

I imagine everyone in Minnesota is grateful that Stinky stayed on the golf course this weekend. The old orange idiot didn’t bother to send his radically inept Vice Prez either. That would’ve exposed the administration to even more public humiliation. Couchfuck would have undoubtedly spewed some awkward, insulting, socially banjaxed, gros mot. Not that this would've stopped Anus Face – it just never occurred to him that someone from the administration should have been there.
~~~
Question – will Lauren Sánchez keep her name, hyphenate or change it to Lauren Bozos?

Idiot Wind

 Today in the United States of Insanity that rabid shaved poodle and raging drunk former Fox chat show couch sitter, who was somehow made the head of the Defense Department, has had the Navy’s ship, the Harvey Milk, stripped of its name. Within maritime tradition renaming a ship is considered bad luck. You've brought down the wrath of Poseidon BUT you've eased your fear of gay men just a tiny bit. Good job Kegstand!

By the by, Harvey Milk (the person versus the ship) was a lieutenant in the Navy (serving as a diving officer aboard the USS Kittiwake during the Korean War), he was also a civil rights activist, a businessman, and an elected member of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors. 

Milk was assassinated by a dude named Dan White – a former cop who’d gone on to hold a supervisor job alongside Harvey. Dan quit though because it didn’t pay enough. It’s unclear to me as to why he murdered Milk (and San Francisco Mayor George Moscone) but White’s lawyer’s got the charges reduced to involuntary manslaughter by employing the ultra imaginative “Twinkie defense.” 

The term "Twinkie defense" is an umbrella term that, in the most general sense, refers to an unconventional defensive argument. The term originated from the 1979 trial of Dan White, a San Francisco politician, who was charged with first-degree murder . A testifying psychiatrist pointed out that White's consumption of sugary foods, such as Twinkies, could lead to diminished capacity . Using this testimony, White's lawyer was successfully able to persuade the jury that White lacked the premeditation and deliberation elements necessary to establish first-degree murder. As a result, White was ultimately convicted of a lighter offense of involuntary manslaughter . (source) 

Ultimately, White only served five years of his seven-year sentence (for murdering TWO people!) but, he did self-death sentence himself (the old car exhaust in the closed garage trick) a couple years post release. So, that’s something.

Back to Pissdrunk Pete’s demand to rename the Harvey Milk. The ship will now be the Oscar Peterson – named for the late GREAT Canadian jazz pianist who was nicknamed the “Maharaja of the Keyboard” by Duke Ellington himself!

Okay no, no. The ship’s named for Oscar V. Peterson, a white guy (because of course – Kegseth can’t let down his Klan!) who served in the Pacific during World War II. Presumably this Oscar Peterson was straight but we don’t actually know that for certain and Kegstand most assuredly does not. Dude’s NOT known for intellectual rigor or, really, anything besides alcoholism, extreme sus fear of gay people, white supremacy, misogyny, sexual assault, excessive vanity, perpetual drunkenness and lying.

Other Navy vessels  he’s, of fucking course, looking to have renamed?

The ones named after Thurgood Marshall (Black Supreme Court judge), Ruth Bader Ginsberg, (Jewish female Supreme Court Judge), Harriet Tubman (Black woman warrior, Underground Railroad conductor, abolitionist, suffragist, human rights activist), Dolores Huerta (Hispanic-American female, labor leader and feminist activist), Cesar Chavez (Hispanic-American labor leader and civil rights activist), Lucy Stone (female suffragist and abolitionist), and Medgar Evers (Black civil rights activist, soldier, first field secretary for the NAACP in Mississippi).

You can take his name off a ship, but Milk is still far more of a "warrior" than the petty Pete Hegseth.
~ John Casey 

All of these people are a zillion times superior to that sad excuse of a human. He’s a walking, talking mental disorder. To paraphrase Dylan, You're an idiot, Petey. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.