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Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Eyeball Day

I woke at 1:30 to an extensive, brilliant light show. I’m sure there must’ve been some serious thunder but, of course, I missed that. Coco didn’t. At some point she came to bed, braving the room’s evil AC, to, ya know, check on me and shit. Was I getting through the nasty storm OK? Did I want to come hide under the couch with her?

Very thoughtful kitten.
I believe in he future
I may live in my car
My radio tuned to
The voice of a star
Song dogs barking at the break of dawn
Lightning pushes the edge of a thunderstorm
And these old hopes and fears
Still at my side
The Cool, Cool River Paul Simon
The tiny ass hours of the morning – that’s when all my imagined crimes and misdemeanors come in to haunt me. These include the always popular “I should’ve said this to that callous, greedheaded prick!”

Also too, fears. “I have cataract surgery in just FOUR hours. They’ll be slicing into my eye! What if I lose the eye and all I’ve got left is the fuzzy, funky vision outta my left orb? EEEEEEK!”

The beauty of being an old broad – I’ve been down this pointless, mondo unhelpful road a few zillion times already. Takes me awhile but I learn and evolve. I stopped my bad brain antics and began deep breathing exercises. While that didn’t chill me right the fuck out, it did derail the self-recrimination train. Yea me!

As long as I was up and, obvs, not heading back to Dreamland, I figured I’d check my email. A fabulously wonderful new friend had sent me pre-surgery supportive thoughts and a great, catchy tune.
When I think back
On all the crap I learned in high school
It's a wonder
I can think at all
And though my lack of education
Hasn't hurt me none
I can read the writing on the wall
Kodachrome Simon and Garfunkel  
Yeah, I’ll be humming this while Doc Davies comes at me with the long knives. I'm a real treat in the OR, lemme just tell you!

Another friend urged me to focus on what I’ll be doing after this morning’s slice and dice. Good idea! I’ve got a new painting on the easel which is just past the let’s-think-about-this-more stage. It's standing at the edge of yeah-let’s-lay-down-a-bunch-of-color cliff.

Before that though, LUNCH! I’m under the no-food-after-midnight-on-surgery-day geas and yeah, I’m HONGRY! Mind you, I may lose my appetite and, most likely, be too tired to eat later BUT it’s certainly distracting thinking about lunch possibilities. Indian? Chinese? Thai!? Falafal? Burritos? PIZZA!?

OK, time for me to don my shorts and voyage up 93 to MGH/MEEI.


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