Losers

Cake is unimpressed

The field of asswipian Republi/Fascist presidential hopefuls is filling up.

Mike Pence—the failed governor of Indiana and trump doormat imagines he’s electable. Roadkill is smarter and has more personality. This is the schmendrick who had to ask Dan motherfucking Quayle if it was okay to commit treason. Hells bells, a box of dead toads would have more brain power than Quayle and either of those two would be a better president than Pence.

Chris Christie—aside from being a fatal heart attack eagerly waiting to bloom, he’s not exactly known for hiring competent, smart staff. Au contraire, he likes them corrupt and asslicking.

Ron DeSantis—the book banning, Don’t Say Gay, gerrymandering, Disney war-waging, jerkwadian authoritarian pinhead who promises to out-fascist trump? No. Just fucking no.

Tim Scott—I don’t know much about him but he’s a Black Republican—also an evangelical christianist (i.e. a none-too-bright hypocrite). Possibly he’s a Herschel Walker type who manages to stick to the script and NOT step on his own schwanz every damn time he speaks? 

Nikki Haley—a woman and a Republican. This automatically makes her less than intelligent. Despite this, she used to appear to be a not completely moronic, Rockefeller Republican until she came out as a proud suck up to the Orange Clown and his braindead, white trash cult. She was never actually a sane, sensible Republican though. Sane, sensible Republican? Like unicorns, they don't exist.

Asa Hutchinson—he was a two-term Arkansas Governor. According to U.S. News and World Report, out of 50 states, Arkansas ranks 48th in healthcare, 49th in education and 49th in crimes and corrections. It also receives more federal aid than it pays in. Great job Asa.

Larry Elder—he’s a right wing talk show host. Yup, the U.S. really doesn’t need another brainless, rabble-rousing celebrity, clown-show president.

Glenn Youngkin—a critical race theory demonizing dimwit who’s also less than keen on marriage equality. Hard pass.

Vivek Ramaswamy—NO fucking clue who this is.

And some asshole who’s never held office (and was disqualified from running for Michigan governor last year), named Perry Johnson.

WHAT a bunch of laughably stupid losers! If I cringed any harder my center of gravity would collapse into a black hole, consuming all matter between here and Hoboken.