2024 Resolutions

This a partial listing of all I'd like to accomplish this year.

• Become a supreme being. 

As SB, do I have the power to make everyone, every goddamn nation and human, live in peace? How about eliminating hunger, disease, the GOP and country “music.” If so, that’s job one. 

If that's not doable? See below:

• Stop needing neurosurgeries every six months or every year or two. ENOUGH already!
  

• Buy a pastel colored townhouse/cottage on the Isle of Skye. Ten, Jen, Oni, Skitter, Cake and I will move in.

• Eat nothing but fish and chips from the corner chippy for the rest of my life. 

• Attract an army of cats. We'll take over the world (first though, a nap).

• Get my hearing back.
  

Listen to nothing but Led Zeppelin, Jeff Beck and ELP during first month of restored sound system. Second month is Kronos Quartet, Kodo Drummers of Japan and Miles Davis. Third month in Musicville? You’ll find me up the pub listening to some Scottish trad pickup jam band.

• Become Godzilla but only in winter. First, I gotta make sure that my cat army is cool with cohabitating with a giant lizard monster. NEVER piss off an armed force composed of adorable, furry, sharp clawed assassins. They will NOT hesitate to cut a mutant beast. Yes, even me, Godzilla.

Jen says she'd like to be the Loch Ness monster—it'd be right up her alley. After all, Nessie is antisocial, gets to swim a lot and has a cool nickname.  

Oni? Dragon If for some odd reason he can't be that, he'll give being a gryphon a go.

Ten also wants to be Godzilla. I guess we'll either be twins OR take turns. Probably we'll take turns since someone's got to go up to the chip shop to pick up dinner. One drawback to being 'Zilla—no pockets. Where is a respectable monster supposed to keep their wallet, ffs?

• Eat more cake (NOT Cake!). Specifically carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. Also? Pie. Dutch apple, thenkyew. Roasted Brussels sprouts too.

• Try reading Gravity’s Rainbow again. See if, this time, I can get beyond page 127 before giving up. One of these damn years, I will.

• Learn Italian. Relearn German. French—how the fuck do you pronounce all these damn vowels?

•  Smash the patriarchy.

• Have a large hot tub installed. The cats won't be keen on it but us lizard monsters will be totally into it.