Qu'est-ce que c'est?

What is this exhaustion?

It's this—last week, with my brain surgeon Barker visit, was hard…more stressful than I'd anticipated. Silly me, I keep expecting that I won’t be tense and nervous about upcoming crazy major surgery. Why? Hey, been here, done this a zillion times already. Ho hum and shit.

Nope, even after 11 (count 'em 11) neurosurgeries this is still big league scary.

I can't seem to face up to the facts
I'm tense and nervous and I can't relax
I can't sleep 'cause my bed's on fire
Don't touch me, I'm a real live wire.
~ Talking Heads—Psycho Killer

No, I’m not about to go all Ted Bundy/Aileen Wuornos but I really do need to find a way to chill the fuck out. Too bad I don't do martinis anymore.

Skitter would be more helpful but she's
busy being delicately beautiful.

Hell and tater tots, at this point I don’t even know when the OR event will be. I haven’t heard back from my neurologist, Doc Plotkin, yet. The decision to slice me open is ultimately mine but I'd like to hear what Dr. P has to say first. Could my headaches and heinous fatigue be due to something other than the monster in my bean? Is there another pill that'd actually be effective at shrinking the motherfucker? I REALLY don't want to miss my window of opportunity to have this fucker dealt with in one, comparatively simple, op (versus three or four surgeries since my scalp is basically all scar tissue and used Kleenex® now).

I did get an update from the new surgeon, Dr. Curry’s office. I’ll meet him this coming Monday at 10AM.

Cake senses that I’m edgy and wigged. He slept up by my head last night with one little paw resting on my shoulder. Such a good boy.

Meanwhile, I've been attempting to get back on the exercise horse after all the energy draining hoopla of last week. Taking a measly two days off seems to reset my system to weak, sickly kitten levels of strength. FYI, this sucks. Monday I managed to walk a measly yet brutal half mile. Yesterday? I clocked a hair over a mile. Today I hope to make a mile and a quarter. The more in-shape I am the "easier" and faster this next recovery will be.

Jon Carling