Stayin' Alive

the view from the neurology floor

Remember back in November when I mentioned I’ll be having more brain surgery action? I met with my surgeon, Doctor Fred Barker, yesterday with the idea that we’d talk about possible side effects and such.

Imagine my surprise when he told me he can’t do the deed. Why not? Because I’ve had SO damn many brain ops that I no longer have any give left in the skin covering my head. I’m all scar tissue and stretched tight dermis. My scalp is like a size too small pair of yoga pants on an elephant. 

Okay, yes he CAN actually do the surgery but it would be wickedly complex, involving multiple additional surgeries in order to create skin which can then be used to close up the incision.

What the unholy-rat-bastardly fuck?!!! We prefer simple and smooth brain ops, thenkyewveddy much.

As it turns out, Barker has another solution. There’s a surgeon who’s discovered a new way to get in at prefrontal lobe monsters like mine. Dr. Will Curry will make the incision NOT on top of my head but in my forehead, just above my eyebrow. I have extra skin on my forehead (as do we all) so all the extra skin creation and related crap surgeries would be unnecessary. 

This is great news but:

• I don’t know this dude. Can I trust him? Yes. Barker trained him and says he’s aces. (just like my first brain op guy, Dr. Ojemann, trained Fred who is mega aces)

• I have to have this op done before my monster gets any larger. The chemo med I’m on has only slowed Godzilla’s growth. It has NOT stopped it. (yes, I named my tumor) My window for action is not infinite. AT ALL.

Currently I’m scheduled to meet Doc Curry on April 15th (first available opening) but they’ll try to fit me in sooner.

A couple funny things:

• The fact that I’ve had so many brain surgeries, I’ve run out of extra skin on my head. Why is this funny? Dunno, it just is and made me laugh. It kind of goes along with my life philosophy—why merely do when you can overdo?

• I’m now embarking on my third generation of brain surgeons. I started with Ojemann, who trained Barker. Now I’m moving on (for this bean procedure) to Barker’s protégé.

Daddy used to refer to Ojemann as God (some reference to an MGH surgeon the press had enshrined after he worked on another president—Doc O had operated on Reagan). I have always thought of Barker as Son of God. What does this make Curry? The Holy Spirit? Did Jesus have children? Could Curry be Apollo, Dionysus or Ares?

It really struck me—I’ve survived enough shit in this life that I’m now about to burn through a third gen of neurosurgeons. Heh. So then, I do actually have a talent—staying alive. Yes OF BLOODY COURSE the song’s stuck in my head now!