The Fifth

Waddayaknow, I made it through another nasty-ass Fourth of July.

Our herd of cats were most def unhappy about all the stupid firework action. Fireworks are illegal for regular citizens to use, have, and/or sell here in Massachusetts – no sparklers, party poppers, and firecrackers. Only people or organizations holding a pyrotechnic certificate of competency (fireworks license) and a permit can, by law, set these babies off.

This would be great BUT fireworks are totally legal and easy to get in next-door New Hampshire. The folks who don’t give a fuck about their neighbors who suffer from PTSD, like veterans, or don’t give a rat’s ass about their own cats, dogs, and other critters (let alone yours or mine) and can’t live without their little bomb explosions just hop over the border and go on mad shopping sprees.

The penalty for selling fireworks in Massachusetts? A fine or imprisonment. The fine can be anywhere from $100 to $1000. Imprisonment? One year max. Oh and your inventory will be snatched – that’s mandatory.

What about this – you bought fireworks in New Hampster. You’re now sitting out on the seawall here in Valhalla with your brand-y new box of Black Cats and a case of Coors Light. You haven’t set off any firecrackers yet but you’re planning on doing so right after you kill this next beer. A cop rides up just then. What happens? He takes your case of beer, leaves the Black Cats, and moves on to the next person flouting open alcoholic bev container laws. 

Great. Kid getting buzzed on the seawall (at my age, I consider everyone under 40 a kid), watching the Weymouth fireworks display across the bay? NO problem AT ALL. Kid on the seawall getting drunk, setting off Black Cats every five minutes, which cause Skitter to hide under the couch, trembling in fear and Cake to cower by my feet on the bed as he pisses himself in terror? Yeah, I got BIG problems with this.

What’s the state law for possession and/or use of fireworks by an unlicensed jerk?

Penalty: Fine and confiscation only
Fine: $10 to $100
Seizure of fireworks: Mandatory

If my neighborhood’s typical of the state, there’s no actual fireworks ban enforcement. I’m pissed. Think about how much money the state could take in if the law was enforced. Not only would this unholy week be less traumatizing for pets, wildlife, and those who’ve already suffered more than enough, Massachusetts might actually have enough buckos to fix our goddamn pothole riddled roads. 

That’d be nice.