Ghouls, Dimensional Rifts, and Kawaii

I found this map – Most Common Cause of Death That THEY Keep Covering Up and I’m a bit concerned … I may even be verging on alarmed.

Let’s just review some of these ultra serious and intensely distressing allegations. We’ll start with New England and the Northeast in general as it’s the area of the country I’m most familiar with.

First, Massachusetts – wind farms are our most common cause of death? I OBJECT! This is obviously one of Prez Pedo’s obvious, outrageous, and easily disproven lies. We have 21 wind farms here in Massachusetts and, so far, there have been no fatalities (human OR whale) due to wind turbines. So there!

Maine – Draugr? ‘the fuck's that? Apparently, it’s an undead creature (like a ghost only with somewhat of a corporeal presence) out of Norse mythology. They live in their graves, guarding treasure. Sounds sort of like dragons except for the grave dwelling part. Dragons live in castles or caves. Right? I’d expect these to be the primary cause of death more in Minnesota or Wisconsin rather than in Maine but ...  //shrugs//

New Hampshire – Stoned conservatives are the main cause of death? Emmmm, more like fentanyl overdosing MAGAts. Seriously.

Vermont – Armed Hippies. I expect this one may be accurate. Vermont is a constitutional carry state, meaning anyone 18 or older who can legally possess a firearm may carry it openly or concealed without a permit. BUT they’ve worked to enact gun safety laws so Vermont should generally be safe. It’s Bernie Sanders country. I’d be way more worried about traveling in Alabama, Nebraska or Texas (also open carry states). Still …

Rhode Island – Ghouls? Really? This is a small fucking state. I really would have thought I’d have seen one or two of them by now. Stands to reason, doesn’t it? I mean, I’ve lived in New England for a long-ass time. What gives? Do ghouls just not like me? Is it something I said?

Connecticut – It’s antimatter. Antimatter is killing off all the Nutmeggers. (people from Connecticut are called this because the state nickname is "The Nutmeg State.”)

Though I’ve seen the term a zillion times, do I really, truly known and understand what antimatter is? Not rilly, no.

Although it sounds like science fiction, antimatter is real. It is the opposite of matter. Matter is formed from the particles that we see in the world around us – atoms that are made from protons and electrons. The opposite of a particle is called an anti-particle….
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Antimatter can be found on Earth, although it will not last very long. Antimatter quickly annihilates with matter. An electron and a positron are found in experiments to annihilate and produce two gamma rays. (source) 

Yeah, that, like totally, clears up not much of anything. I don’t think I have the physics background to understand why Nutmeggers are dying. 

New York – New Yorkers are mostly being taken down by ennui? I have a hell of a time buying that! Yes, Upstate can be pretty sleepy BUT it’s gorgeous. There’s tons of brill hiking, rock climbing, museums, vineyards, etc, etc. Long Island? Zzzzzzzzzzz. Possibly the  expiration reason noted on all Long Islander’s death certificates is boredom. They’re throwing off the stats for the entire state.

Pennsylvania – dimensional rifts? I haven’t lived in the Keystone State in close to 50 years. Is this dimensional rift thing new? I mean, back in the ‘70s we didn’t have fun shit like that. People fell off the sides of steep hills, drowned in fast moving rivers or died in coal mining disasters. Dimensional rifts sounds way more interesting.

New Jersey – Their principal cause of death is noted as “kawaii.” WHAT even is this?!

Kawaii is a Japanese cultural phenomenon which emphasizes cuteness, childlike innocence, charm, and simplicity. (source) 

Okay then!