Here’s the Thing

I never FEEL like exercising. Nope. It’s always, ALWAYS, a battle with myself to get up and do even the most simple of my daily rehab routines. So, guess what—I don’t do them every single day.

Am I lazy? Yes but that’s not really the main determinant here. Honest!

Other factors?
It’s December. It’s cold and windy outside and rain is in the forecast for every single damn day this week. We definitely need the hydration but walking in wet, blustery, near freezing temps is no easy feat for yours truly.

Because of my badly banjaxed balance system (an unavoidable consequence of those zillion and three brain surgeries), I need to focus, really concentrate when I walk—even on clear, calm, balmy days.

Balance information provided by the peripheral sensory organs—eyes, muscles and joints, and the two sides of the vestibular system—is sent to the brain stem. There, it is sorted out and integrated with learned information contributed by the cerebellum (the coordination center of the brain) and the cerebral cortex (the thinking and memory center). (source)

Staying upright AND walking (which I MUST do in order to rebuild strength, endurance, and balance) when the sky’s leaking and blowing into my wonk-ass eyes, is a significant challenge and ridiculous annoyance. The more I walk, the more my muscles and joints remember how to keep me upright. Right now, maintaining vertical orientation, even when standing indoors on an even surface, is an accomplishment.  

Fear gets in my way. What am I afraid of? Falling. Falling totally sucks.

I also fear failure. What if I can’t walk as far as I want? What if my knees hurt too much to elliptical even for a measly five minutes? What if I’m unable to do 10 reps (or even one rep) of my very basic homework exercises?

What to do? If I can’t hit my goals at noon, I can try again at 2PM. If my bod’s still in no-can-do mode, I’ll try again later OR give it another go tomorrow. Sometimes, what I need is a day off for both my body and mind.

I’ve managed, over the past couple months, to work up to five or six exercise days per week (up from four). I’m also averaging greater distances and more time on the elliptical. Yea me!

Tomorrow I have physical therapy at the Y. After my session, I’ll sit and rest for 5-10 minutes and then attempt  a couple laps of the indoor track. My new PT and I discussed goals last week. Long term? Walking without assistance—no rollator or walker. Short term? Being able to stand, walk, and elliptical for longer and longer periods. Every brain surgery (and I’ve had three—plus three spine surgeries—in the past five years) sets me back but I get back up again.

Hi, my name is Sisyphus—how you doin’?

Harry Bliss