Plot Twists

John Frederick Kensett, Sunset Over the Catskills

The Rapture did actually happen but only second born daughters with artistic leanings, who rock rare diseases, are in possession of generally inappropriate senses of humor, can be counted on for consistent social awkwardness, and have questionable sartorial tendencies were eligible for the 11AM beanstalk ride to the Elysian Fields. For once, I totally fit the bill. I was a complete match for what this Jesus dude was looking for. That’s NEVER happened to me before!

So, why am I still here blogging when I could’ve been riding the sky with Susan Power, Chrissie Hynde, Elaine de Kooning, Diane di Prima, Debra Haaland  and Joan Armatrading? (Okay, maybe these women don’t meet all/most of the Rapture qualifications but, from what I’ve been told, Bastet makes exceptions) Yesterday I could have been sharing a blunt with Chrissie whilst comparing paint notes with Elaine…just for starters but NOOOOOOOO.

What happened? I was in the can, didn’t hear the bus pull up, and had to give Cake a few last chin skritches before exiting stage left. The driver had a lot of stops to make and just couldn’t wait. Rats!!!

So, here I am, stuck on Planet Earth with all those dimbulbed, hypocritical, perpetually bullying, whiny-ass, snowflake evangelicals. Christ almighty. I can totally understand why Yuri Gagarin and Alan Shepard were so eager to get off the planet.

Fer instance, the orange embodiment of all that is vile and corrupt and his faithful clown car crew, used Chiclet Teeth’s “memorial service” as a batshit holy roller, right-wing revival meeting in a vain effort to boost their plummeting popularity (it’s swirling the toilet with all the monster broccoli and black bean poops).

Stephen Goebbels Miller claimed that “the day that Charlie died, the angels wept, but those tears have been turned into fire in our hearts.” Christ Almighty, spare me the nazi poetics! If his G-d actually existed Miller would have burst into flame right there and then.

Stinky talked about “radical-left lunatics” (AKA anyone who disagrees with him about ANYTHING), teased his announcement about Tylenol causing autism, and, as usual, spewed a bunch of lies from his now sagging hate hole.

These losers are so damn desperate to paint those to their Left (which would include most of the universe with a reasonable claim to sanity) as violent terrorists (projection much?). Their panicky desperation would be funny is it weren't so unnerving.

Meanwhile, Chiclet’s widow has been linked to a “charity” in Romania which has been accused of trafficking children. While she was definitely involved with the organization, the allegations have not yet been proven. The report that Erika Kirk is another Ghislaine Maxwell and is banned from entering Romania remains in the rumor realm at this point. 

Interesting though.