In My Head

From The Halfway Cafe: 

Local MAGA fans say their brains “feel scrambled” because Russia is straight up giving Iran intelligence about American targets to bomb, but also Trump and Vance hate Ukraine and won’t say anything to criticize Putin, but also now the US is desperate for Ukrainian drone technology to prevent cheap Iranian drones from wasting all our super expensive missiles, but Trump is also blaming Zelensky for low defense munition stockpiles even though Trump has repeatedly screwed Ukraine over and cut off US funding, and say, “I wish Fox News would just tell us what to think, but even they seem to be befuddled!”
     ~~~
Local MAGA fans admit they’re struggling to wrap their heads around how Trump needs help from Ukraine, a country he hates, to destroy drones from Iran, a country he ripped up a peace deal with, guided by intelligence from Russia, a country he loves, in a war started by Israel, a country with obvious blackmail over him.
~~~
Found on Threads and I’m in totally agreement:
You know what sucks?  I'm more worried that our own government will attack us here, on our own soil, and blame it on Iran, than I am about Iran actually attacking us.  

This is where we are now.
~~~
A Dad joke walks into a bar…

When does a joke become a dad joke ? When the punchline becomes apparent.

🚔 🚔 🚔
Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding. 

The officer asks Heisenberg, "Do you know how fast you were going?" 

Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!" 

The confused officer says, "You were going 200 kilometres an hour!" 

Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're lost!" 

The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger if the two men have anything in the trunk. 

"A cat," Schrödinger replies. The officer opens the trunk and yells, "Hey! This cat is dead." 

Schrödinger angrily replies, "Well, he is now!”
🎄 🎄 🎄
A thousand Christmas tree lights walk into a bar. 

Bartender says "OMG, why are so many of you here tonight?"

The Christmas tree lights say, "Well, you know...when one of us goes out, we all go out.”

🦜 🦜 🦜
Guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. 

The bartender says, "Hey, buddy, you can't bring that disgusting, filthy, smelly animal in here!" 

Parrot says, "I have to. he's my ride."
🦆 🦆 🦆
A man and a woman were walking down the street.

The man walked into a bar. 

The woman ducked.
🏴‍☠️ 🏴‍☠️ 🏴‍☠️
A pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender notices that he has a steering wheel shoved down the front of his pants. He asks the pirate what’s up with that steering wheel shoved down the front of his pants. 

The pirate says “Aaargh, it’s drivin’ me nuts.”
🐓 🐓 🐓
Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip? 

To get to the other… eh? Hang on!
🦗 🦗 🦗
A grasshopper walks into a bar. 

Bartender says "hey we have a drink named after you!" 

Grasshopper says "You have a drink named Bob?"
💧 💧 💧
A science lecturer and a student walk into a bar. 

The scientist says to the barman: "Can I have a glass of H20?" 

The barman hands over the drink and the lecturer walks away. 

Wanting to fit in, the student says to the barman: 

"I'll have a glass of H20 too." His funeral is tomorrow.

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️
Have you heard the one about Orion's belt? It's a giant waist of space.
...Sorry. It's a terrible pun. I give it 3 stars.
But the follow up is stellar.
⚛ ⚛ ⚛
Two hydrogen atoms were walking down the street. 

The first says to the second, "I think I've lost an electron". 

The second atom asks, "you sure?" 

First one replies, "yeah, I'm positive"
😁 😁 😁
Why won’t cannibals eat comedians? They taste funny.

Yur welcome.