Jesus Rabbit Hole Christ

Someone on Threads last night asked if Jesus’ last name was actually “Christ” or is that just, like, his job title? 

The comments were informative but mostly hilarious. Here are a small selection of them:  

He was a carpenter, Christ was his side hustle
~~~ 
Middle name Christ, last name Onacracker.
~~~
I think it must be his last name because lately I've been hearing a lot about his Auntie Christ.
~~~
Yeshua HaMashiach is one attributed to him. Translates to Yeshua the messiah.

Yehoshua Ben David would have possibly been his full name since it would include his reference to being from the house of David.

Christ is Greek and means anointed.

If Jesus’ name had been anglicanized like Paul, Peter, Mark, etc. it would be Josh.

So, oily Josh from David.
~~~ 
Jesus’ last name was Feldman. Full name and title: Jesus H. Feldman, Christ.
~~~
Jesus was his first name, the Christ bit started as a nickname when he hit his thumb with a hammer while doing some carpentry. His loud shout of ‘Christ! I’ve proper fucked me thumb this time lads’ led to his carpenter pals all calling him Jesus Christ-I’ve-knacked-me-thumb, later shortened to Jesus Christ. 

True story. It’s in the bible.
~~~ 
My Dad always screamed at my Mom, “Jesus Christ Alice!” I grew up thinking she was part of the trinity. The Father, the Son, and my Mom in the kitchen.
~~~
I thought his last name was Superstar.
~~~ 
He went by Jesus of Nazareth after he was supposedly knighted, but some people think he was just a squire who never was knighted and he just wanted to fight in tourneys.

I might be mixing up my nonsense, it's late.
~~~
His adoptive parents were Jose and Maria Christ. I think his birth name was Ramirez. Jesus Ramirez. Immigrated from Spain which is why they wouldn't let him stay at the inn, made them sleep in the barn, and then chased them out of the country. 

At least it's a more believable story than that virgin birth bullshit.
~~~ 
His last name was originally “Christstein” but he shortened it because it sounded too ethnic.
~~~
I thought his last name was “of Nazareth.” He changed it to Christ when he married God or something.

~~~ 
All I know is, his middle name starts with an H and he drove a blue Accord. Only one though. The rest of his rides were ancient, beat to shit VW bugs.
~~~ 
If there's any confusion on his last name and Pedo’s SAVE Act passes, it seems Jesus will have to jump through a bazillion and three hoops in order to vote in the next election.
~~~ 
Last name is Christ. He had a brother named Samuel – Sam Fucking Christ.
~~~ 
His full, government name was Jesus Tap Dancing Christ. 

Wine will do that to people.

One last Threads comment really struck me:

An adult asked me what Judas' last name was when I was a kid. I answered “Priest"

Why did that hit me? Because Judas Iscariot was the only New Testament character, that I know of, who had a last name. 

The naming conventions of the time and place were: 
Who’s your Daddy: Your name + father's name, e.g: Donna of Chuck or Jen of Jack
Where you from: Your name + your home town. e.g: Donna from Boston, Jen from Scituate

So, old Judas didn’t really have a last name, as we think of them today. According to Bart Ehrman on his blog about the history and literature of early christianity:

… Iscariot, most likely, comes from the Hebrew words “ish-Kerioth”– which might mean something like “a man” (= ish) who comes from the village of Kerioth. If this view is correct,– then the question remains: where was Kerioth?  The book of Joshua in the Hebrew Bible mentions a town of this name in the southern part of Israel, the region later known as Judea (Josh. 15:25); and perhaps that’s what the name signifies, that Judas was a Judean.  If so, that would make him the only “southerner” among Jesus’ followers. (source) 

Ehrman lists a few other possible roots for Judas' name. I feel a rabbit hole coming on.  Gotta explore.