Yes Dear and Mouse Assassinations

Oh please. of COURSE those are related!

Now, on the Yes Dear front — The Amazing Bob and I are totally old school. If one of us says something outlandish and/or off the rails the other will say ‘yes my love, yes dear, of course.’ Bob, being the god that he is, of course, will add in ‘does my hunny need a a cupcake?’  The man’s got serious style. If he’d been a pool player he’d have been one scary ass shark. Keith McCready woulda had nothin' on him!

In any case, the kids, Jen and Oni, also engage in Yes Dear-dom but they’ve brought something new to it — a stealth function of sorts. In fact, when Oni does it, Jen doesn’t even know how it happens, just that it does. When Jen does it, it’s more about the eye roll than the words. She says ‘OK’  rolls her eyes and walks off.

Coco in hre Meatloaf Kata

Bottom line, we all understand what this means — we’re being humored/tolerated and that’s JUST what we need, at the moment, and we know it. Serious conversations about whatev’s crawled up our respective asses can happen later. At the time we just need to blow off steam and still be loved. The well placed, stylishly executed Yes Dear—the key to every successful relationship.

Now — on to the mouse assassinations. I came downstairs this morning at four (god yes, I’m one of those vile morning persons) to a scene which is not the norm. Usually Coco, if she doesn’t come up to nag me into sentience, is waiting at the bottom of the stairs. She’s all ‘you’re gonna feed me now right? and not that stuff I don’t like since 3 AM but the other stuff that I’m TOTALLY keen on since 3:15 AM. I’m not sure which can it is but we can just open ‘em until we get to the one I like now....right?’ And then we need to play hide and seek and chase the kitten. I get a full workout before I get onto that wretched treadmill — yes I do.

In any case, this morning she was NOT at the foot of the steps. I began to wonder and had stepped up toward worry when I rounded the corner. There she was, in full Meatloaf Kata intently focused on a wee, baby grey mousie. The mouse (named Jermaine — of course.) was not moving. He was playing dead in hopes that my little killer, terrorist kitten would get bored and move on. Nope, no such luck. She was in small varmint obliterating trance mode and having none of that faux death shit.

 TAB’s always told me that I’m to praise and congratulate our cats when they’re in death dealer mode so I do — of course. TAB’s wise about all this cat stuff. This is where the Human to Cat Yes Dear function comes into play.

As I worked through my morning rituals, (calisthenics, preparing my lunch, checking my email and playing on line Scrabble) Coco continued to follow poor Jermaine around — taking the occasional swipe, tossing him into the air, putting her paw, proprietorially, on his midsection. All this time, I was telling her she was a very good jungle warrior beast and her kill was most impressive. The cat Yes Dear.

Finally, I walked over and said ‘He’s dead Jim.... I mean, Coco’ and disposed of the tiny tragic mousie evidence. Poor thing.  I should have given it a wee Viking funeral.

He's Dead, Jim