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Sunday, July 15, 2012

The Ecstasy of Saint Fratelli

Saint Fratelli, for those of you not up on all your saints (and how could you be -- there’s so damned many of them!), is the patron saint of baked goods with special consideration given to cakes, tortes, cheesecakes and cookies.

Actually there are two Saint Fratellis -- John and Pino. These brothers from Torino, Italy, stood firm against the infidel hordes of Little Debbie, Hostess and Drake’s who threatened to overrun the landscape south of Boston.

In the dark days of my youth, I thrilled to Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies, Hostess Ding Dongs, Drake’s Cakes' Funny Bones but then...then, I read the side of the package and was terror stricken. Or maybe just all squicked out -- one or the other, I forget now.

Polysorbate 60 -- what is this shit? From a must read Wired column on Cool Whip, of all things.
Polysorbate 60
Polysorbates are made by polymerizing ethylene oxide (a precursor to antifreeze) with a sugar alcohol derivative. The result can be a detergent, an emulsifier, or, in the case of polysorbate 60, a major ingredient in some sexual lubricants.
em, molto wicked GACK!

and then there’s Stearoyl Lactylate -- this one just sounds scary as all hell but, apparently it's OK. Consumable without producing instant outbreaks of pestilent boils. It just sounds like it.

This looks like Sam Raimi 's next possible feature to me:
Twinkie, Deconstructed by Steve Ettlinger. The subtitle is 'My journey to discover how the ingredients found in processed foods are grown, mined (yes, mined), and manipulated into what America eats'

em...experiencing more hurlage here.

To be all fair and honest, my tastes evolved in addition to my reading of the ingredient list. Sadly, Funny Bones still call my name though.

On Saint Fratelli’s designated feast days we gather at the bake shop (25 Broad St, Quincy, MA) to remember these selfless holy men in an appropriate manner. Nothing’s more venerating than walking through the shop’s door, inhaling the rapturous, near intoxicating scent and then scarfing down a Big Bird Cupcake.

When is the feast day of Saint Fratelli? Saturday. Any Saturday, most Saturdays along with the occasional Wednesday.

Given my current and more or less constant state of dieting (due to too much faithful observance of course), I mostly go in for the contact high. I drink in the sweet perfume of the butter cream frosting, savor the magnificent aroma of bread fresh out of the oven and then I buy cupcakes and tarts for Jen.

Sigh. Saint Teresa's "devotions of ecstasy?" She was big on their Chocolate Gateau.

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