Bringing the Heat

Was in the midst of a vivid dream when Coco landed solidly, heavier than her normal ten pounds, on my chest this morning. She came to trumpet that, ‘while morning hasn’t quite broken it’s still time to haul your lazy ass outta bed and put some brekkie on the table for me!’

Best alarm clock ever. sigh.

The dream? I was in the living room of my house (which was a rambling old, beat to shit white painted Victorian -- located well beyond Greater Exurbistan) chatting with my old pal Michael.

OK, I was kvetching up a storm, fuming wildly over the evils, the utter indignities, the total fucked upedness of menopause and the sad fact that I’ve been going through this heinous excrement for-fucking-EVAH. WHEN, oh when, will this shite end?

Yeah, even in my dreams I'm a real treat.

I’m sure I’ve asked this before: why is it called menopause? It doesn’t happen to men and wasn’t caused by them -- though that doesn’t stop me from yelling (shrieking?) at The Amazing Bob ‘Next life YOU’RE the girl NOT me!’ Because there is, of course and quite possibly, multiple lives, scads of different time lines, myriad alternate realities and TAB and I find our way to each other in every blessed one. OK, more accurately I find him each time. The poor man.

In at least ONE of these other, miscellaneous states of being, I’m NOT going through this!

Dammit.

OK, found the reason it’s called menopause in Wikipedia:

Menopause literally means the "end of monthly cycles" (the end of monthly periods aka menstruation), from the Greek word pausis (cessation) and the root men- (month).

Back to the dream.

Michael, who’s putting up with my rant to end all rants, suggests that I develop a stand up routine on this and take it on the road. In real non-dream-time life, Michael and his husband TT are performance artists, amongst their other awesome life callings. They are the perfect people to consult about this kind of enterprise.

So, in my sleeping fantasy, I do just that.

We have our creative colloquium while they’re having a bubble bath together. Yes, complete with rubber duckies.

It was awesome. And then Coco landed -- announcing her presence with authority.