“The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.”
-- Dorothy Parker
Yesterday, as we were attempting to sort out our post work rendezvous, was no exception.
Me: Meet at Froggy’s (AKA Frog and Peach, AKA Fox and Hound) later?
Jen: Sure. Tramp.
Me: What time do you think you can manage to haul your azz there. Skank.
Jen: Around 5:30. Ho.
Me: Who you callin’ Ho? You...you Tartlette.
Jen: You, ya dark hearted Trollop.
From there we spiraled further downward from our, obviously, sophisticated and intellectual banter. We plummeted into straight name calling.
Me: Twatini
Jen: (taking a rare break from abusing this poor scribe to actually convey info) Be there closer to 6. Sorry!!!
Me: Super bitch!
Jen: Jezebutt!!!
Me: Are u sayin I got a big butt??!!!
An excess of exclamation points and commas are completely necessary. They express our deep sincerity, elegance, wisdom and maturity. Duh.
Jen: Not big butt! Twat!!!
This, assuredly, could have gone on for days but she appeared on the bar stool to my right at the very moment I was hotly tapping in my scalpel witted, stinging, worthy-of-Dorothy-Parker reply.
And it woulda been scandaliciously sweet too!
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