Stress Monster

I talk a good stress release, chill out game to the cats, family and friends.

You know, the whole:

‘breathe deep, slowly, regularly. Be conscious of your breath. Feel your heart rate slow. Release the tension from each muscle group, one by one. Do you feel the presence of tautness? Let it go, starting at your toes (Yes, your toes). Cast loose the rigidity, the strain that’s binding each muscle. Savor the new free, relaxed state of your quads, biceps, abdomen and butt. Revel in it.'

Then there’s my visualization shtick:

‘Imagine laying on your back, arms wide on Nantasket beach -- you’re at water’s edge. The gentle waves are licking your fingertips, ambling up to caress your skin, sluicing under that space between your ass and the top of the lumbar vertebrae. Slowly -- time, at least temporarily, has no meaning -- the cool sea water creeps higher, calming and comforting.’

So, uh huh, I can talk it but can I walk it? Sometimes. Often. Sorta. I never seem to be able to administer my own verbal valium until after I’ve become the Stress Monster from Beyond the Pale.

What’s inspiring me to Gastonian levels of nervous strain (without the industrial caterwauling. mostly)? Eh, my new superpower seems to be coughing. ¿Que? I cough my way into  THE most intense, immobilizing headaches. What’s up with that, you ask?

I think I need different asthma meds (my last health plan didn't cover the good stuff) but also this -- the meningioma laying about on the front, right hand side (I think it’s the right) of my brain has been increasing in size over the last few years. I know this. I also know that tumor embiggening is a headache inspirer. This is one of the It’s-Time-For-Surgery alerts.

Will I have surgery this autumn? Only my neurologists know for sure. I see Doctor’s Plotkin and McKenna in September -- delayed from this month due to that nasty, thankfully brief bout of health insurance loss.

Meantime, on Friday I have back to back MRIs for my lower back -- mega joy, joy. We don’t suspect anything untoward's going on down there but gotta have a look see since I’m such a fertile tumor farm.

So, it’s time to break out the elephant tranq methods. Visualize, breath and let go. Repeat as needed.

Whine, snivel.