A guest post by the incalculably fab Dan West.
A
few billion years ago, Dan West and I worked for the same company -- he in
prepress in the central printing plant and me in Human Resources (I was the
Training Czarina thenkyew very much!).
We
knew each other then but weren’t friends. We are now thanks to the wonders of
Facebook. I’ve found that we have much in common -- not just the big illin’
deal but also our ways of facing it.
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"I don't know how you can deal with everything that's going on."
"If it were me, I'd be curled in a ball in the corner."
"You have such a good attitude!"
These
are all things that people have said to me since my diagnosis of Multiple Myeloma. What many of them don't realize is that my positive attitude is not a
way to be a Pollyanna or to force myself to be happy, it's a way to make my
life the best it can be. I am not a believer in the "positive attitude equals positive
results" mantra—my cancer is
incurable* and success is measured in the number of years you get before it
inevitably brings you down—but I believe that a positive attitude leads to a
positive life for myself and for those around me.
Here's
a little game for you to play: imagine that there are two people in a room. One
person has their arms wrapped around themselves and a scowl on their face. The
other has a smile on their face as they reach out to embrace you. Who would you
rather spend time with? My attitude is my way of embracing those around me,
from my sarcastic coworkers to my compassionate health care workers to my
steadfast friends to my loving wife and family.
I
am an atheist, but I am happy to have people pray for me because I know they
care about me. I suffer from depression (and there's nothing like a good cancer
to validate your depression) but I fight against it for myself
and for my relationship to others. I have always had self-esteem issues, but I
think more of myself now because of the immense amount of support I receive
from those around me. And I trace all of this back to my positive attitude.
It
would have been easy to give up and there have been occasions when I have given
up. As many of you know I am a long way from being perfect—though only
temporarily :)
I
created my five rules to live by:
1) I will keep a positive attitude.
The
saying "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade" (assuming life
also provides some water and sugar) applies here. What have I made from my
cancer lemons? It may sound sappy, but I've made love lemonade. I have
become closer to the love of my life. I have realized how many people care so
deeply about me. I have walked in the beauty of an autumnal morning, soaking in
the radiance of the changing leaves. I have learned to appreciate one good
drink of bourbon as opposed to 17 Long Island iced teas. I have accepted help
when offered instead of foolishly standing on my own.
I
have grown as a person since being diagnosed with this cancer because I try to
focus on the positives and I refuse to let the negatives rule my life.
2) I will always ask questions.
3) I will follow directions.
4) I will maintain my sense of humor.
5) And I will care about others as much as they care about me.
And
I encourage you to call me out if I fail to adhere to these rules. ;)
* There does exist the possibility of a cure from an allogeneic stem cell transplant, but it comes with its own set of serious risks and is not an option for many people.
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Staying
upbeat isn’t some noble, saintly, innate mantle we rock, neither is it
some New Age-y attempt to heal ourselves -- it’s straight up pragmatism. If
we’re all self indulgently bummin’ all the time, how the fuck are we
going to enjoy all there is in this wild life?
Yeah,
my health and Dan’s are mega messed up but, hell, let’s have some fun! Dammit.
Life’s
short -- dance while you can. Dammit!
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