Grandness

The Amazing Bob and I are just a couple of days older than we were before The Green Miles and Beautiful Bethanie transformed us into elderly, codger-y, hey-you-kids-get-offa-my-lawn grandparents. Still, of a sudden, we feel kinda ancient.

Prince Charles was asked, in a BBC interview, if his imminent grandfatherhoodness made him feel old.

He said: “Of course it does, because you can’t believe, to a certain extent, that’s going to happen in your life.”

and also

"We need to think about what kind of world we’re handing on to our successors, particularly our grandchildren,” he said. “It should make us reflect a bit how we do things so that we don’t ruin it for them. That’s why it’s so important to work in harmony with nature rather than somehow thinking we can ignore or dominate or separate ourselves from nature.”

Yup. Tell it Charlie.

My Grands. Don't I need grey hair to be a proper grand?

Apparently there are rules, LAWS and handy dandy tips for grandparenting. Waddya know.

Barbara Graham writing at Grandparents.com (Who knew?!? I guess there really is a website for everything) provides the 7 Unbreakable Laws of Grandparenting.

I get the sense that she and I are very different sorts of people

1) Seal your lips. Even if you’re an expert who has written 13 bestsellers on parenthood, your adult sons and daughters will assume you know nothing about childrearing.

A) Why, oh WHY, would I presume to give Miles or Helen childrearing advice (unless they specifically ask for it)? The two of them are about the smartest, most wise, sensible, rock solid and fun young people I know.

2) You may love thy grandchild as thine own — but never forget that he or she is not thine own. I was at the hospital when Isabelle was born and I thought we were all one big happy family. Not. I had to win over her parents. They loved me — I knew that — but did they trust me?

B) This speaks of the author’s expectations and needs as well as her relationship with her son. This ‘law’ is irrelevant to TAB and I to the point of being fresh in from Mars.

3) Abide by the rules of the new parents.

C)  Well, DUH!

4) Accept your role. If you’re the mother of the new father, you may not have the same access to your grandchild as the maternal grandmother, at least in the beginning.

D)  Not sure if the author understands or remembers that babies do this not so charming thing—projectile puking and pooping. I’m fine with the other Grams getting more ‘access’ to this.

5) Don’t be surprised if old issues get triggered when your child has a child. For many people, feelings of competition with their grandchild's other grandparents provoke traumatic flashbacks to junior high school.

E)  HAH, not bloody likely for this Grand! I left that annoying and boring-ass high school shit back there in high school.

6) Let go of all expectations.

F) I was supposed to have expectations?

7) Get a life.

G) ?Get one? Can I go with the one I have and continue to embroider on that?

Clearly Ms. Graham and I don’t have much in common in our emotional make ups and life needs. Also different is our respective relationships with the new parents. I’m Miles’ evil stepmother which means that I get to write my own rulebook, eh?

Whoops, I found a column on the Mail Online site:
How to Play the Role of Step-Grandparent

Watch your step, grandma
Do not insist on a title
If the new parents want you to have one, they will suggest it. If in doubt, say, ‘Shall I just be Anne?’ Some of them may be keen to create a divide between ‘real’ and ‘step’ grandmothers. It’s up to them.

OK, I understand this. Here’s the thing though, Miles and Bethanie asked us, right at the very beginning, what we, TAB and I, would like to be called. I allowed that Olivia could call me Donna—dunno if I would answer to anything else. Also too, Miles grew up calling Bob, Bob. He’s happy with Olivia doing the same.

Mothra. Mothra would be nice though. I’ve always wanted to be associated with a Tokyo invading, giant moth. Hey, who hasn’t?

Assume nothing
You do not have any rights with the new baby. Consider yourself an outsider and if invited into the inner circle, feel your way gingerly — you don’t want to step on anyone’s toes.

????All the authors I’ve read so far seem to be coming from a very odd place. That is, they seem to feel that, when grandkiddles arrive, they’ve got this new, fab club and it comes complete with infant.

I only mention it but kittens are easier. They tend not to hurl all over your fav tie dye T AND they use a litter box!

Don’t go to everything
Successful step-grandparents tell me they come up with brilliant reasons why they cannot attend a child’s birthday or other event — for their own benefit as well as the family’s. You don’t have the privileges of a real granny, so you shouldn’t feel obliged to turn up for every school concert or sports day.

Em, I dunno what to say about this one. I’d love to go to one of Madison and Juliana’s dance recitals and I will. When baby Olivia gets to a point that she’s dancing, playing ball and/or doing skateboard competitions, I’d love to go to one of those too.

I won’t be able to get away for every event but I’d sure like to go to some. I don’t think this’ll be an issue.

But don’t be too elusive either
No one wants a step-grandparent who doesn’t turn up when expected, or refuses to join in. Just try to be friendly, warm, enthusiastic and genuine.

Gee duh, RILLY?! Once again, the author seems to be making all kinds of assumptions. Second wife as husband stealing, stone harlot? I believe one needs to wear M•A•C Relentlessly Red lipstick and Louboutins for that role. Right?

Where does this leave me?  Where I was before really. Happy, fine, feeding and cosseting our herd of cat, planning a circus outing for me, Helen, Madison, Juliana and Jen (Miles said that Olivia may not appreciate Big Apple Circus just yet—next year) and planning my next painting.

I think I’ll prep some terra cotta before the girl’s next visit. We’ll do some hand building and maybe I can teach them how to throw. When Olivia's old enough, I can play in the mud and paint with her too.