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Wednesday, August 5, 2015

The Slimy Underbelly

Well, not so underbelly-ish but def slimy.

How come a nice, late middle aged babe like me  can’t get through a grocery store line without being inundated by tabloids (and no, Fox ‘News’ doesn’t have a newspaper/mag YET. At least none that’s carried by my local Stop&Shop).

"Obama’s Cosby Coverup" Oh please. I really don’t need to know what feverishly wacko story they’ve cooked up using REAL journo reporting methods such as
  1. obtaining the ravings of their dimbulbed, conspiracy-theory-screaming, braincell deprived Tea-billy third cousin, who really thought Sally Sue mumbled yes when they were drunk in the back of his truck.
  2. reading Breitbart blog posts.
  3. watching Fox ‘News.’
"Angie Loses Custody of Her Daughter" If true—very sad. Still, she’s got enough buckos to hire the very best legal reps so, I’m not too worried and don’t need to read about this.

"Pregnant and Dumped"  Hard and discouraging for anyone BUT, whoever this woman is, she’s on the cover of a mag so I imagine she’s not some poor soul working the breakfast shift at Friendly’s. Her and her imminent progeny aren’t gonna be relegated to women’s shelters or a broke down, bad neighborhood, roach infested studio apartment because her spouse or beau decamped.

"Tom Cruise Getting Married" And?

"Royal Bodyguards Tell All" Yeah, more misbehaving rich people. I should care enough to part with the $3.50 cover price? Sorry, no.

"Kirstie Alley 2 Years to Live" Well, that’s a change from the usual headlines about her weight.

Off the magazine stand there’s this much more amusing bit from our chums at Wonkette:
my knock off which is WAY more better AND full disclosure-y

original shirt
Broke-Ass Duggars Forsaken By Their Lord, Please Send Money
If you’re driving through northwest Arkansas and see some sort of fundamentalist Christian lemonade and prostitution stand on the side of the road advertising two side-hugs for $5, that’s probably the Duggars.
The post goes on to list the ways the Duggars are continuing to work the marks since losing their “Cannonball Vagina Jesus Hour” gig (as Wonkette’s Mister Hurst so brilliantly christened it). In fact, just like their sister in JAY-zuz, Sarah AKA Princess Dumbass Of The Northwoods, the Duggars have their very own TeeVee studio. Guess what? They sell Tshirts!

The merchandise page for the shirt promises that “[t]he contribution you make, when buying these t-shirts, will enable Duggar Studios to produce more quality videos.” So far, their definition of “quality videos” includes things like the Duggar boys doing doughnuts in the snow and sinking a full-court basketball shot.
I am SO tempted to buy one. Maybe I should just make my own. Yeah that’d be better—I don’t want to actually support their strange, perverted, hateful lifestyle but the shirts are hilarious.

OK, I gotta go wash all this sleaze and slime outta my head now. *ICK*

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