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Monday, July 31, 2017


Jen's sketch of my 6"plaid platforms. My shoe of choice at the tender age of 15.
I spent yesterday cleaning, redding up, organizing the hell outta my wee cottage (amazing how much crap can be crammed into a 900 square foot home) and found a coupla fun and just plain interesting things.

There's this note, written to a friend in 2003, right after The Amazing Bob’s very first heart attack and stent installation.
Hey Denny,

We’re outta the woods. Bob had the catheterization and it turned out he had one major blocked artery. They put in a balloon (not sure what kind but I’d suggested that either Pluto or Underdog would be fine) and a stent. Some other, minor arteries were damaged which they were unable to fix. The docs did say that with a healthier lifestyle – more green veggies and NO ciggies – he’ll be fine. On it!
N.B., It was at this point in our lives that I became a fish eating vegetarian, TAB got rid of cigs and red meat and we both ixnayed dairy entirely. TAB eventually went back to one or two cigs a day but no more than that. Me? I’ve been moving fish farther and farther outta the diet for a while now. Yeah, I still have the odd bit of salmon but no shellfish. Yup, I’m practically kosher/vegan now...and I still desperately miss ice cream.
            Meanwhile back at the hospital:

After so many days here at MGH, I have a few concerns and questions. I’ve listed a some of them here for your perusal.
One of TAB's buttons – worn on his denim jacket. Loved these!

1) Why is it that the women who work here – the support and clerical staff – are all local? It’s the accents that give them away. It’s not a bad thing by any means but it’s odd. This is a city – people come here from all over but this place seems to specifically only hire support staff women who were born and raised here. Why is that?

Also, it’s nice that they all seem to have such splendid blond dye jobs but why must the chosen color always be blond? Wouldn’t a nice auburn or a deep chestnut be attractive? And what’s up with the clothing choices? Each and every one is clad in utterly forgettable, snooze time fashions. Don’t they see clothing and accessories as a creative form – a wonderful way to express themselves?

Of course, now that I think on this, maybe they do and THIS is the creative statement they wish to make. Oh.

2) About these waiting rooms – we’re all here for a minimum of two hours. Why aren’t there any comfy chairs or couches? In the brain surgery waiting room they’ve got those as well as coffee and trays of cookies. Of course, brain waits can be anywhere from eight to 16 and more hours so ummm….The heart waiting room needs recliners, dammit!

3) If, when you wear high heels, you walk as though you’re struggling to keep the ben wa balls from falling out, you really should consider a lower heel. OR take the balls outta yur ass before you come to work.

4) Where did this absolutely hideous habit of light colored lipstick, outlined by a much darker shade come from and could it please go back there to stay? It looks cheesy, asinine and as though you think your mouth is a coloring book. Even the high paid sentient mannequins look like they’ve been in tragic makeup accidents. Sandy Secretary doesn’t stand a chance of appearing as anything but a pre-schooler's attempt at reproducing a Roy Lichtenstein. Also, isn’t this style, like, so three years ago?

5) After a certain number of hours in a waiting room, the appearance of a flat ass is just downright offensive.

6) Black turtlenecks – they make even the dullest appearing man seem, possibly, just a tad sponge-worthy. On an already attractive fella, they’re devastating. Buy one. Wear it. You and your girlfriend will thank me.

That's all from MGHville,
So then, in my nervousness over TAB’s first heart surgery, I apparently got a bit cranky and began channeling Fran Lebowitz or maybe Dorothy Parker.

All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.
~ Fran Lebowitz

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
~ Dorothy Parker

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