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Monday, August 7, 2017

I've Got a Feeling

I woke from a dream I can’t remember with a nearly crushing feeling of guilt – I wasn’t a good wife to The Amazing Bob. As Jen would and has said, BULLSHIT. TAB and I did the best we could. We tried like hell to make each other happy – as happy as anyone could be in this, purely theoretical, best of all possible worlds. We weren't blissed out 24/7 (who the fuck is?!) but we succeeded.

I recall a brief convo we had while at a stop light on our way down to bookstore indulgence heaven. Outta the blue TAB, with a big sad face and mega watt sincerity sez to me, I’m sorry my fucked up heart and arteries has limited my ability to make you as happy as you could be.

He looked like he was about to cry.

How did I respond? And I’m sorry that I’ve lost my hearing. I know this halting and very challenging way of communicating is rough and disappointing. So there, we’re even. It’s not like either of us did this crapped out health shit on purpose. We’re a team – we hang in and hold hands while we go through it all together.

I may’ve mentioned love – who knows. I seem to have been born without the purple prose, hearts and flowers gene.

The point of the story – TAB and I were wild for each other and did the best we could to smooth over and out all of life’s bumps and potholes. Neither of us was perfect – perfect for each other though.

If he was here right now (and he SO should be!), I'd be showing him my haul of pics from this morning's dawn walk on Nantasket. They'd make him smile. I lived for that smile.

I've Got a Feeling – Pearl Jam

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