Did I mention this yet?

Yup, the ocean's still here. No one stole it while I was gone.

Seen on a truck butt in Pennsylvania.
Wise advise from a wholly unexpected source.

Ten and me…me and Ten…we is HOOOOOOOME!

I had this idea I’d get a zillion things done yesterday, our first day home. I’d organize and total up the receipts from our big adventure, pay bills, visit the grocery, post office and pharmacy – maybe the library too. Then I’d hit the gym and hit it hard. Oh and I wanted to unload the truck – move the rest of Ten’s belongings into his brandy new home.

 Did I? Well, the grocery (cat food waits for no man!) and drugstore trips happened but that was about it. I ended up taking a marathon nap with Coco which felt very good and very necessary.

My precious kitten is still adjusting to her new roommate. She been sniffing around, checking out his pillow and laundry. When he joined me in Nap City, she zipped off to her safe, high castle by the window. I suspect that, in a week’s time, she’ll have discovered Ten’s lap. Poor man will find out what Jen already knows too well – Coco emits near lethal poots. She doesn’t do this when on my lap – no. I believe it’s how she initiates her new furniture.

Today, I’ll attempt to accomplish half of what I’d planned for yesterday. The gym and unloading the truck (starting to anyway) are at the top of the list.

Amazingly, after my long midday rack time, I slept straight through the night. There was no midnight wakey-wakey, wondering where I was. Is this Wisconsin? Am I in Pennsylvania? Please tell me that's not Ohio out that window! 

Travel, fun and interesting as it totes is, wears me clean out.

Meanwhile, 3,259 miles later…

Well, THAT was epic!

Ten and I left Newburgh, New York yesterday morning after 45 minutes of laps in the hotel pool. Ya know, these motor inn pools are nowhere near Olympic length BUT they’re wonderfully convenient. Naturally, I now want one for here in Valhalla. OR...A couple I knew, who’d come into a mega load of bucks, had one of those endless pools installed. Perfect size for here at home. Also too…ENVY!

In any case, at the last minute we decided to detour up to Hoosick Falls – meet my wonderful Helen for lunch-y in Bennington. YES this added a few hours drive time to the very last day of Ten and Donna’s Excellent Adventure. oof! After two and a half weeks and over 3,000 miles of driving, the travel bloom is kinda off the touring rose BUT how could we resist? (Hint: we couldn't)

Eschewing highways, for the most part, in rainy (The first of the entire trip!), mega foggy weather, we crawled up New York state’s eastern border. It was beautiful. After a quick but fab repast at the cozy Madison Brew Pub (and talented lunch counter!), we dropped down into Massachusetts (ZOMG, finally in my home state!!!) and began making our way east. Route 2, the Mohawk Trail, in western Mass is serpentine and mondo hilly – mountainous even. Stunningly gorgeous in other words. Also, with a solid blanket of fog, it was a spectacularly dodgy, slow drive. Still, it was absolutely brill – maybe, what with the desperately evocative pea soup mist (with mountains and streams popping out to say quick hellos), it was even MORE SO.

Ya know, Ten did ALL the driving on this trip. Yup, all 3,259 miles. Finishing the journey, running down (and up!) those intensely curvaceous and thin mountain roads, in yesterday’s decidedly challenging fog and rain was awe inspiring. My man, just FYI, is a total road warrior.

We got back into the Boston area just in time for Friday evening rush hour. Having already been in transit for six+ hours, I was now firmly ensconced in the High Crankies (I'm such a treat!). Ten was calm as hell. HOW does he do this?! I texted a constant stream of kvetchiness to Jen (poor thing) as we crawled down 95S and up 93N. Our exit, eventually – almost shockingly, came into sight.

The world was def foggy and WAY out of focus yesterday.

And then we pulled into Valhalla's driveway. I exploded out the truck's door and ran into the house to see my beautiful kitten. Amazingly, she gave me ZERO grief for being away these past two and a half weeks. In fact, instead of the expected passive aggressive cold shoulder, she was all over me like a keyed up puppy.


Even more homecoming awesomeness – Oni whipped up a fabulous, restorative dinner of beans, rice, Brussels sprouts and sausage (for the carnivores amongst us) and Jen crafted a couple of her tremendous, calming hot toddies.

Christ it’s good to be home.

My little Welcome Wagon

The Homestretch

Ten and I finally made it out of the flatlands of Ohio…by the skin of our teeth. We spent our first night in the Appalachian town of New Castle, Pennsylvania.

There’s a fine layer of soot coating every house, every business. Hell, even the street signs, fireplugs and dogs sport a dark grey, dusty veneer. More businesses are shut than open and all the houses are in obvious need of repair. There’s a definite vibe of swirling entropy. How long before it’s a total ghost town?

Despite all this, the people we met at the hotel and local restaurant were lovely, friendly and upbeat (and the food was very good too). I woulda thought they’d all be gloomy hard cases but no. Granted, they get to live within this glorious mountain landscape. The hills live (and shit) and they're stunning.

What the place really needs is a crew of artists (and money – that’d help too!) moving in, converting the old, abandoned factories and businesses into studios, galleries and performance spaces. Ya know, like Lowell and North Adams Massachusetts. Pittsburgh is just one hour south of New Castle – this brilliantly situated little town could totally be a must-get-to destination.

Also, promote the hell out of the hiking and biking possibilities. This place is a soot covered gem.

After our diamond-in-the-rough stop, we motored down to my father’s town so’s Daddy could meet (and approve of) Ten. He did.

Me and my man then zipped off to Idaho (PA) to stay the night with my fab friend Michal. From there we began the very long drive east across the vast bulk of beautiful-but-HUGE Pennsylvania.

We passed through some sweet if oddly named little towns, set in steep hills. Bellefonte was one – with a name like that I expected a few palm trees and some island music but...no. Still, if we weren’t in the homestretch it woulda been nice to stop and walk around. Mebbe get lunch at the cozy little Italian diner Maria’s.

We passed by a town called Moosic – I’m betting they don’t have moose there. Or, possibly, the town’s founders meant to name it Music but were drunk and having a laugh on the day they had the signs printed. Could be!
 
There’s a village called Greentown. I wonder if it is. Another town is grandiosely named Promised Land. I woulda liked to have stopped in to, ya know, see if it really was all that and a bag of chips BUT we were in our 6th hour on the road and I was close to terminally cranky.

North of Scranton and ALMOST outta Pennsylvania we started seeing snow on the ground. I said to Ten, shee-it, we haven’t seen snow since Wisconsin. Boy that sounded funny to me. He allowed that SO FAR we’d traveled 2,870 miles.

We’re now in Newburgh, New York. Mister Google tells me that Valhalla is a short three and a half hours away. I don’t buy it. He also said that New Paltz, New York (yesterday’s original destination) was a skinny five and a half hours from Michal’s in Idaho, PA. NOPE. It was seven plus to Newburgh and New Paltz is another hour north of here.

Still, Ten and I will be home this afternoon. Awesome as this trip has been, I am SO ready for home!

Tom Gardon

October 18, 1951 – March 26, 2019

You are deeply missed. All your wonderful, creative, inspiring and radically smart hilarity is remembered.

Flat Earth

Our UNscenic drive yesterday

I think we spent eight...maybe nine years driving through flat and treeless rural Indiana and Ohio yesterday. The northern parts of both states make the grasslands of eastern Oregon look varied and practically mountainous. //grumble, grumble, grumble//

I’m sure there really are lovely little towns, beautiful lakes and maybe even a nice forest tucked away when you leave the throughway. The town name of Elyria fer instance – it sounds absolutely poetic. BUT I was in no mood to stop and explore. Hells bells, that’d mean more time driving. AND more time spent in state which helped to elect the Republi/Fascist Democracy Destroyer In Chief (yes, I DO seem to hold grudges against entire states). Also too, I’d really like to get home to my damn cat AND cozy cottage by the sea sometime this year. Ya know?

I’m aware (HONEST!) that there are good folk and good parts to both Indiana and Ohio BUT by the eighth hour of 2x4 straight flat roads, the dreary, colorless sameness was making me mega cranky. Also too, those interesting parts aren’t in the northern part of either state – not so’s I noticed anyway.

I woulda killed for just ONE little forest covered mountain.
Even a snow draped one!

I’ve seen some gorgeous wooded countryside in southern Indiana. I know it exists. Also too, despite electing Dense Pence to the governorship, there are some liberals in the state.

An aside—the Hoosier Dense One doesn’t trust himself to NOT rape so he never dines with a woman alone. Could be that he’s afraid of BEING raped by all those licentious babes – ya know, the ones who are just SO smitten by his boring Ken doll looks and theoretical charms. He also will not go anyplace where booze is on tap unless his wife is with him. Apparently his brain is located south of his belt buckle and "Mother" is his human chastity belt. He’s one spectacularly egregious example of humanity and so damn typical of his entire Republi/Fascist party.

Flyover country – There ARE solid reasons why vast swaths of the once good ol’ US of A are thought of as such. Hidden gems exist BUT they’re, ya know, HIDDEN on top of being really motherfucking hard to get to. Fer instance, we could’ve gone to see the gorgeous Corkscrew Falls in Hocking Hills State Park BUT that would’ve added six hours of driving to our trip. We’re so close to home and I’m NOT keen on adding an additional six damn hours THROUGH FLAT FARMLAND for a waterfall. Nope. Sorry.

I may've mentioned this before – I totes need a transporter beam. I wanna bypass the flat, treeless parts and go straight to the gold.

This morning Ten and I are in Western Pennsylvania where there are trees and mountains. YEA and PHEW!

Crossing Over

The sky as we left Minneapolis yesterday. Pretty, no?

Ten pointed out when we passed over the Mississippi. Ya know...it was water, it was big, I thought I'd be more impressed. Mebbe if it had tap danced like Multnomah Falls?

We're now in the thick of the hard part of our trans continental crossing. We’ve left behind the evocative, intriguing and sometimes terribly amusing place names e.g.: Crazy Woman, Dead Horse and Wild Horse creeks, Devil's Tower, Reliance, SD and Keister, MN – I gotta wonder what the high school football team is nicknamed – The Fighting Butts? Are the cheerleaders and baton twirlers referred to as the Sparkling Assettes? We're now in the relatively colorless and dull land of Elgin, Lake Station, Chesterton, South Bend, Howe (more like Why?) zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Along with the cool names of the more westward states, there’s a glut of rah rah, go team "patriotism" going on. You see it in how half of every biz, it seems, is named:

• America's Truck Box
• America's Campground
• America’s Inn
• America’s Land Agency—appropriate that it’s in South Dakota, the Black Hills thieving motherfucker of a state.
• America’s Finest Hotel—Really. That’s the name. We stayed there one night entirely because it was the cheapest option. Wasn’t bad/wasn’t great. It was full to the brim with meh.

All these companies must use the same grifting biz advisers. Name your company this, put a flag image behind the text and the rubes will come pouring in!

I don’t miss the teepee sculptures at all rest stops in South Dakota. They proclaim big and bold, we love you as long as you’re no more than ornamental and lend us some exoticism.

Wisconsin was pretty – they have actual trees there and rolling hills. They have Devil’s Lake State Park too. HOW did such a goody goody state end up naming a park after the devil?

We also saw a place offering Ghost Boat Tours. If our adventure was more open-ended, maybe we woulda stopped. Or not. Frankly, Minnesota’s Spam Museum had more appeal. Prolly that’s just me?

Otter OR, possibly, Nessie?

On hitting the Milwaukee and Chicago areas we entered a world of endless, nasty ass, backed up traffic and it wasn’t even rush hour. Boston traffic’s bad – this was every bit as heinous. We pushed on through (I had reached extreme crankification – NOT pretty) and found this wholly unexpected and astoundingly lovely, inexpensive hotel. All rooms at The Waterbird Lakeside Inn have very private balconies which look out on a large, sweet pond. In fact, if temps were above freezing, we could dangle our feets or even dive off the balcony for a swim. The place is basic but beautiful, comfortable and calming – three things that were TOTALLY needed last night.

Just now, Ten spied an otter hunting up some brekkie. How cool is this!? (Hint: very. Especially since we’re in the otherwise dull state of Indiana)

We’ll head out in a few. Today’s goal? Western Pennsylvania. We’ll likely reach there by nightfall and visit Daddy tomorrow.

Home is within reach now!

Early Jump WITH Art!

Grands and us

Ten and I are about to hit the road. We're hoping to get past Chicago today. I'm sorry to say so long to Minneapolis though. It's SUCH a civilized town! I can totes understand why Mary Richards moved here.

Yesterday Susan, Ten and I met Ten's grands and Susan's ex (did I mention how civilized this place is yet?) and his mother at the Walker Museum Sculpture Garden.

It was a chilly day with strong winds so, after a brief tour around the park we went into the museum's lovely, large lobby. There are all these big, stone colored ottoman type things which the kids stacked, made forts out of and climbed around.

The thing that really slayed me – Susan's ex mother-in-law played with the kids for most of the visit. She'd never met them before and she just jumped right in. How sweet is that? (Hint: very!)

So, enough words – I gotta pack and we gotta fly (well...drive).

Jesus I love this place!

Also, just FYI, the giant blue rooster was my fave. Of course. Who can't love an 13 foot tall cobalt blue cock?

NOT seen at the sculpture garden but I LOVE this!

Safely Into Minnesota

We cruised out of South Dakota and I could not have been more thrilled – right down to my sub-atomic level and shit. Warum? Eh, the state has a disgusting, oppressive, hypocritical, inhuman and bloody history which isn't all that far back in the rear view mirror either.

Even the filling stations have casinos in SD!

I mean, JAY-zus, we got into the damn state and, almost right away, drove over Sand Creek. Now then, it wasn’t the very same Sand Creek but still, ghosts were comin' outta the woodwork. And then there was Wounded Knee followed by St. Joseph’s Indian School.  It was and is one of those boarding schools originally started to kill the Indian and save the man, in the words of one “reformer.” Children were taken from their homes and sent far away to be indoctrinated – to be un-Indianized. They were forbidden to speak their own language(s), given new “American” names, clothes, and haircuts.

Lessee now, has the US grown/evolved since the Indian school days? Nope, not so’s ya’d notice.

An interesting tidbit about Wounded Knee:

One version of events claims that during the process of disarming the Lakota, a deaf tribesman named Black Coyote was reluctant to give up his rifle, claiming he had paid a lot for it. A scuffle over Black Coyote's rifle escalated and a shot was fired which resulted in the 7th Cavalry's opening fire indiscriminately from all sides, killing men, women, and children, as well as some of their own fellow soldiers. (source)

The cavalry ALSO killed their own fellow soldiers? How absolutely Trumpian.

So, the deaf kid didn’t understand that he was persona non grata and without basic human rights because of his skin color AND the fact that he and all of his ancestors were actually born and raised here. He didn’t get that the white newbies wanted the land and didn’t care how many folks they had to kill to get it.
I was happy to shake South Dakotan dust from my sweet silver Vans, I’m tellin’ YOU!

Coming over into Minnesota we saw two palette cleansers right off the bat. In Blue Earth, Minnesota, which we HAD to stop in for the name alone, we came across the Jolly Green Giant. Serious awesome abounded.

Back on the highway we saw a sign for The Spam Museum which, swear ta Bast, had the legend “not just a tasteless tourist trap.”

The newly built, 14,000 square foot museum features 9 SPAMtastic galleries with interactive games and photo opportunities. Admission is free to all visitors. (source)

Nine SPAMtastic galleries taking up 14,000 square feet? Interactive Spam games? //shudder// Tempting though this surely was, we simply couldn’t stop.

We pulled into Susan’s around one in the afternoon. Not only is this fabola Arts and Crafts style home comfortable as ALL fucking hell, Susan’s got a big beautiful cat! His name’s Friday and. yes, he’s friendly.

Aht on the Road

Woke from a dream so nasty that...well...we just won't speak of it. Nope. Instead, here's some art.

These first two we stumbled across on our way to Yellowstone. The wonderful RiverStone Gallery is, totes unexpectedly, in the microscopic town on Ennis, Montana.

Naturally they were shut for the season (as was practically everything in Eastern Montana and Western South Dakota) BUT the gallery's attached to Bern Sundell's studio. He saw us through the windows, staring longingly, and let us in. SO nice!

Bern Sundell paints fish and his wife (sister?) Lexi Sundell paints crows amongst other things.

RILLY wish I could've brought home one of each!

This next group we found in Chamberlain, South Dakota at the Akta Lakota Museum & Cultural Center. Wonderful gallery space which, I'll bet, does gangbusters biz during high season (whenever the hell that is in this end of the world).

Ten and I are off to Minneapolis this morning. Susan tells me that, while there's no ocean, they've got 10,000 lakes. So then, ALMOST like home, eh?

Gerald Cournoyer – Crow Horse

Donald Montileaux – Spirits Four

 

Lyle Miller – Buffalo Horse Shield

Keith Braveheart –Tasunka Unsikila

Athena LaTocha – Untitled

Into the Badlands

Eastern Wyoming flatlands at dawn. Note the distinct dearth of mountains.

Today, Ten and I will pass the halfway point in our coast to coast adventure. It's been fascinating as all bloody hell. There's been astounding beauty as well as stone snoozerifc landscape. Yesterday we drove through flatlands (zzzzzzzzzz) and into the strange and wild Badlands.

We got into Wall, South Dakota too late to hit the Wounded Knee Museum or motor down to the village of Wounded Knee. Instead, we had dinner, came back to the hotel room and read – chilled or, at any rate, attempted chillage.

my Homesickness socks

This morning is ultra fog bound. When and IF it clears off we’ll drive down to Wounded Knee to see the monument and, ya know, pay our respects. The weather – the first rain we’ve had on this journey, the very first day of NOT bright blue blinding sunshine – is being tremendously, creepily appropriate.

No matter what, we'll visit the museum.

I know myself well enough to recognize episodes of homesickness when they thunder down, permeating my being. I'm feeling it this morning. I want my sweet kitten, my Jen, my Oni and my damn ocean. Ya know, there ain't no big bodies of water in South Dakota. Didn't see none in Wyoming neither. I haz a wicked sad.

Having kvetched all that, I'm keen on seeing (and photographing!) more of the Badlands (IN heavy mist!!!, visiting my friend Susan in Minneapolis and then Michal AND Daddy in Western Pennsylvania.

Where possible, we've been booking into hotels that have pools. Water – swimming – it's all natural, liquid Valium fer yurs truly. Helps to hold the crankitude down to bearable levels and, just generally, keeps me balanced.

Our original goal for today was Sioux Falls BUT I just noticed a town named Blue Earth. If we've the energy, I really wanna push on and stay the night there. Sounds so hippy, dippy AWESOME.

What Happened to All the Mountains?

Bye, bye mountains!

Yes, there are mountains in Wyoming. Of course there are. HELLO Grand Tetons and shit. Sadly they’re all 6.5 hours off to the west of us and we’re headed east. What we’re traveling through is grasslands. Not QUITE as desolate as the thoroughly blanketed ones of eastern Oregon but that’s just ‘cause there’s less snow down here.

I had my heart set on  viewing/exploring the site of the Battle of Greasy Grass (AKA that rat bastid Custer’s last murderous stand). We got to Crow Agency, Montana – about 45 minutes north of the Wyoming border – only to find that’s it’s a National Park Service run site. The price of admission? 25 smackers. NOT in the budget PLUS we weren’t keen on viewing both-sideserism displays in the visitor center.

What’d we do instead? Hell, we hit the Trading Post located right across the road where I picked up this fabulous bumper sticker (at left).Yep, that's going on Bix's virgin bumper soon's we get home.

We got to lamp the land – the area where it all went down and, rilly now, that’s all I wanted.

Ten and I stayed in another I-see-dead-things creepy lodge last night.  Ya know, would it kill booking.com to post lobby pics showing the poor slaughtered and stuffed animals. They could note, in 14 point, bright red, Arial Black, “NOT a good spot for our vegetarian friends.” Having said that, we got a great price on a nice, dead animal-free room, there’s a very nice, dead animal-free pool and hot tub, they gave us a discount coupon for an awesome local Mexican restaurant AND brekkie was to die for. Check out’s not until noon so, after another swim and mebbe a nap, we’ll jet.

Next stop? Wall, South Dakota where we’ll visit the Wounded Knee Museum . On Friday we’ll motor down to the site of the massacre. I know, I’m a cheery little tourist but you knew that – right?