Super

Yesterday’s tea time telly was The Avengers movie – the first one. I’d never seen it. I like superhero shit so, WTF, why’d I take a pass?

I’ll tell ya why – the casting seemed ridiculously homogeneous and uninspired. I’m specifically talking about Thor and Captain America.

Viggo shoulda been Thor!

 
I get that Thor should be played by a Scandinavian type BUT I totally expect a Norse god (a god fer fuck’s sake) to rock some serious hotnes. The actor playing him? Jesus, he absolutely radiates BAD. IN. BED. AND dialogue-wise he's so dull he could cure insomnia in seconds flat. Poor guy is utterly devoid of duende. Was Viggo Mortensen unavailable? 

For Captain America…..honestly, they just had to cast some painfully bland, squinty eyed and stereotypically blond white dude for the role? Yeah, I get it – that’s the characters comic book backstory. Why not, in the interest of getting more butts in megaplex seats – if nothing else, make the person playing the role meaningful to more than just insecure Caucasian man/boys?

Marvel could expand their audience by updating and broadening the appeal of this character. Duh! Think about it, who better to play Captain America than someone whose people are originally of this land. First Peoples and shit. How about Michael Spears as Captain America? In real life Spears is Sicangu Lakota of the Lower Brule Sioux Tribe

OR, how ‘bout making Captain America an indigenous woman (us chiclets DID serve in WWII ya know) Find a young Tantoo Cardinal. Maybe Rene Aranda or Tonantzin Carmelo?

Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow was marvelous and all but I’m imagining the Avengers with Lupita Nyong’o in the part.

Now that I think on it, (cause I rilly like Johansson) what about replacing Jeremy Renner’s Hawkeye instead? He was NOwhere near as snoozifying as the actors playing Cap America and Thor but still – let’s make the franchise look more like America. Eh?!

The best thing about the flick, for me, is that Joss Whedon did the rewrite, the script save. The following exchanges were glorious:

Captain America: I wanna know why Loki (the evil, bad guy) let us take him. He's not leading an army from here.
Bruce Banner (i.e. The Hulk before he goes all green and rage-a-tronic): I don't think we should be focusing on Loki. That guy's brain is a bag full of cats. You can smell crazy on him.
Thor: Have a care how you speak! Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard and he is my brother!
Black Widow: He killed eighty people in two days.
Thor: He's adopted.

~~~

Loki: Enough! You are, all of you are beneath me! I am a god, you dull creature, and I will not be bullied by...
[Hulk flattens Loki with repeated smashes into the floor]
The Hulk: Puny god.

~~~

Black Widow: [all arguing in the lab] Are you really that dense? S.H.I.E.L.D. monitors potential threats.
The Hulk: Captain America is on threat watch?
Black Widow: We ALL are!
Iron Man: [to Cap America] You're on that list? Are you above or below angry bees?
Captain America: I swear, Stark, one more wisecrack out of you...
Iron Man: Verbal threat! Threatening! I'm being threatened!

~~~

Captain America:  Doctor Banner, now might be a good time for you to get angry.
The Hulk: That's my secret, Captain: I'm always angry.
[Banner hulks out and punches the Leviathan]

Yeah, I'll watch another of these especially if it's written by Whedon.