Peopling

Saw this on Threads this morning. If I went out in public much anymore, I think I’d have to start using this tactic.

I’m just gonna start yelling “NOT FRIENDLY!!!” when people get too close to me in public. I learned it from the dog people. 

You know, for safety's sake – strangers’ and my own.

I used to be more social. I used to be more open to being around people. I went to crowded clubs, protests, and parties. Hell, a friend used to invite me to her house parties knowing I’d bring at least ten people along with me. Jen, Oni, and I used to throw big loud parties.

What happened?

For starters, like most of the rest of our chums, we moved to the ‘burbs. Boston/Cambridge had become thoroughly unaffordable to all but the financially blessed. Did we forget to have rich parents? Did we forget to develop high paying high tech, corporate lawyer or banking careers? Were greedheaded land barons, land lords (large and small), and property sellers overtaken by a disease of society killing salaciousness?

Yes. The answer to all three questions is a resounding YES.

So, I’m less social because all my friends live relatively far away – in Salem, Newton, Malden, Pawtucket, Portland, etc. – and I don’t drive anymore anyway.

Secondly, I’m less social because I’m old, tired and totally out of the habit of socializing. This last bit I blame on the past 10 years of general hellishness. This includes but is not limited to: The Amazing Bob’s failing health and death, subsequent mourning, my own stupid health problems (including my seeming addiction to neurosurgeries at Mass General with long stays at Spaulding Rehab afterwards), COVID and too many people’s failure to embrace the logic of masks and vaccines.

Third – related to the second set – social skills are like physical muscles. They grow weak when unused (or only employed when talking with family, nurses, docs, and other med professionals). Mine do anyway. I feel a bit like an alien. Like how do I greet people? What’s proper and acceptable?

Facehugging maybe? Do I announce that: “We are Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile?” Do I go straight in for the abduction? Is this all too forward? 

Maybe I should just go with the traditional Klingon of “nuq’neH,” which translates roughly as “what do you want?” Is that too direct for humans? I used that on the Jehovah’s Witnesses   last week and, dunno, that may have been what turned them off. An aside: how much of a witch do you have to be that you even freak out Jehovah’s Witnesses? Applaud for me – this might be my life’s greatest achievement.

Possibly a quiet nanu-nanu would be best?

You see the difficulty I’m having and I haven’t even gotten past hello. I mean, fer fuck’s sake, what comes next? Do we go from greeting straight to talking about the upcoming heat death of the universe or is that too heavy for a cazh convo? How about, which came first – genocide of indigenous American peoples, slavery and Jim Crow OR the Nazis? Too much of a bummer AGAIN? Russia’s ruthless war on Ukraine and the grisly happenings in Israel – should I not talk about that either?

If I'm asked how I'm doing, can I talk about my ongoing bullshit health struggles? How stressed I am about potentially losing Medicare and Social Security (and my ability to continue living) under the evil TACO administration? Do I just say "I'm fine" and then invite them to fib pleasantly about how well they're doing?  

 How does being social work again – I've forgotten.