First Day

On this first morning of a new, hopefully better year, I woke from two brief odd, interesting dreams – vignettes, really.

In the first, Ten and I discovered that the local butterfly population was declining. They needed a boost. How could we assist? Well, ya see…we discovered that baby butterflies are made when a small black beetle-ish looking bug nibbles on some chilled cucumber slices. Afterwards, he goes and chats up a fine lady bug and, ya know, one thing leads to another and nine months later (or however long dreamland butterfly gestation works out to be) *VOILA* blue amorphous and monarchs abound.

So, Ten and I were busy icing and slicing cucumbers because we’re ALL about accommodating horny butterfly makers.

Second dream – we decided to add a room to Valhalla. This would be a neat trick since our patch of land is quite small and our yoked houses already take up most of it. Possibly the new room would be in a pocket dimension, accessible via an irregularly appearing portal (thus avoiding additional real estate taxes and extra home insurance costs)?

What’s the new room for? Painting studio.

Oh, oh, OHHHHHHH, just after midnight this morning Zohran Mamdani was sworn in as mayor of New York!  You KNOW what this means don’t you?

Every single New Yorker, from Manhattan to Queens, Staten Island, the Bronx and Brooklyn will need to:

• Join a socialist commune. YES, even on Staten Island!
• Within this commune, everyone will need to be part of a polycule with a person named Indigo and another named Sage (both non-binary, of course).
• Dye their hair blue, purple, green or pink. Sometimes they’ll have to go full rainbow. Hair color schedules will depend on neighborhood and borough.
• New Yorkers must carry falafel and pita with them at all times in accordance with Shawarma Law. 
• New Yorkers will NOT be accused of disobeying Shawarma Law if they’ve already consumed their falafel and pita because, technically, they are still on/within them.
• The use of Arabic numerals is now mandatory (or “mamdani” as it will now be known).
• There will be compulsory yoga sessions seven days a week, at 10AM. 

• Prayer rugs will arrive in the mail by Monday. Instructions on care, cleaning, and storage will be enclosed.  

• NO, you can NOT use your prayer rug and yoga mat interchangeably. For starters, yoga necessitates a squishier base.
• New Yorkers will be expected to unionize their respective workplaces. This may not happen overnight unless they’re an independent contractor or otherwise work alone.
• Septum piercings will be done on the first Friday of each month at the local independent bookstore/coffeehouse.
• Everyone is expected to become vegan by Wednesday of next week. NO exceptions!
• Drawstring hemp trousers and bamboo T-shirts will be available through local, vetted, earth friendly retailers. Remember, 10% of sales of Leftist Rebel Scum T-shirts go toward overthrowing the fascist oligarchy.

Hmmph, now I’m in the mood for a falafel sandwich, some baba ganoush with pita chips, baklava, and a Hot Toddy.