Yesterday I started up my workout routine again. This after a full seven days off due to MRIs, an MRI hangover day, and then a nasty cold.
Did I start slow and easy – give my old bod a chance to get back in the groove? FUCK NO! Going easy on myself is for triflers and… expect I’ve mentioned this before, I AIN’T GOT TIME TO BLEED!
Also too, I forgot the plan. Peddling away, I felt so good. I thought, “what the hell, I’ll keep going.” Now my right butt cheek hurts…the fuck?
Yeah, I’m on the Tylenol plan at the mo. Perhaps a hot shower will help.
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Had a convo with a friend (yes, I’m going to be ultra vague about all deets here for…reasons) and friend told me that their boss’s teenage spawn as well as the boss’s parental unit came to visit boss for a few hours yesterday. This caused most of the office staff to stay inside their respective spaces, whilst simultaneously attempting to Honey, I Shrunk the Kids themselves – ya know, going into hiding as a self-care, self-preservation move and shit. Boss and fam are not the sort you’d ever voluntarily socialize with. They’re rude, bitingly abrasive, devoid of empathy, condescending, none-too-bright, and undoubtedly Trump voters.
From friend’s office they hear the trio kvetching about “the help” at the spa of the resort they’re headed to for the weekend. Friend has rolled their eyes hard enough to break the sky and says they wished they'd had a stick of dynamite in order to blow the trio straight up.
My reaction? I thought throwing them into a black hole might be more efficient.
Friend went on “then spawn added that they were annoyed they couldn’t get a Bellini, only champagne, while meditating in the Vitality Pool.” (sitting in the fancy, mood lighting lit hot tub)
Naturally, I replied, OMG, we’re gonna need a bigger black hole.
Sometimes a stick of dynamite just isn’t enough.
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I understand White House Spokesliar Karoline Lievitt gave birth yesterday. I wonder, if it’s a girl, how long they’ll wait for baby’s first lip filler and nose job. Who’s taking bets on what baby’s first clash with the truth will be?
“No Mother, my diaper is NOT full. What you’re smelling is the fresh turned earth after a good rain. I’ve been out in the garden with Nanny, you know.”
I expect by middle school she’ll be telling dear old mom “sure...Daddy loves you..sure. He’s working late AGAIN to save America from evil Democrats.”
Lyin’ Leavitt’s 32 years older husband, Nicholas Riccio, is NOT into women – only girls. Ya know, like most in the Pedo and Pedo Protector Party. When Karolyin is 40, her husband, if he hasn’t already, will trade her in for a younger model. Sure, he’ll be 72 and he’s truly homely but he’s not bald and has his own money. In Republicanland that counts for something.
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A few interesting curses:
May your obituary be written in weasel piss.And a half dozen lovely Shakespearean slams:
May all your teeth fall out but one, and may that one give you a toothache.
May your nose hairs grow long and curl.
"Drop into the rotten mouth of death" (Richard III)
"Away, you three-inch fool!" (The Taming of the Shrew)"I’ll beat thee, but I would infect my hands." (Timon of Athens)
"More of your conversation would infect my brain."(Coriolanus)
"Thine face is not worth sunburning." (Henry V)
"Thou whoreson zed , thou unnecessary letter!" (King Lear)
That’s it. Happy Saturday. I’ll undoubtedly be stupid and overexercise again today. Why? Let’s say it all together kids – DONNA AIN’T GOT TIME TO BLEED!!!

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