The September Spending Spree of a Serial Killer

Imagine it’s the end of your fiscal year. Your boss tells you there’s $93 billion left in your budget and you’ve got one month to use it or lose it.

What the fuck would you do? $93 billion – man-o-man, that’s a fuckton 'o' clams, innit?

Perpetually Pissdrunk Pete burned through $93 billion in September. And what did he spend all that dough on? Did he use it to improve the lives of the 1.3 million active-duty military, 825,000 National Guard/Reserve, and 600,000 civilians who work for the Department of Defense? 

Well, I don’t know. Let’s look at some of his purchases, shall we?  What'd he buy?    

• A $98,329 Steinway & Sons grand piano for the Air Force chief of staff’s home. 
• He bought a $21,750 custom flute from Muramatsu. For who? Why?
• 400 brand new iPads at $315,200 He couldn’t get Androids? I mean, iPads are great but they are pricey. 
• $3,160 worth of stickers of children's television characters, like Paw Patrol and Dora the Explorer.

Then there’s the food.

• $1 million on salmon
• $2 million for Alaskan king crab
• $6.9 million worth of lobster tail
• $15.1 million for ribeye steak 
• $124,000 for ice cream machines
• $139,224 on 272 orders of doughnuts

Now, I certainly don’t begrudge a little luxury to soldiers going off to hot war zones (IF that’s who're actually getting to enjoy the crab, lobster tail, steak, doughnuts, and ice cream) BUT, just a month later, tens of millions of fellow Americans lost their SNAP benefits in the longest government shutdown in history. 

To which “war zones” were our soldiers deployed in September or October of 2025?

• Chicago’s Operation Midway Blitz (this admin does love these ridiculously hokey titles) but that was primarily ICE – Homeland Security, not Defense. 
• 200 National Guard were sent Portland, Oregon for some odd reason.
• In Memphis, Tennessee:

At least nine National Guard troops began their patrol at the Bass Pro Shops located at the Pyramid, an iconic landmark in Memphis. They were being escorted by a Memphis police officer and posed for photos with visitors who were standing outside.

It was unclear how many Guard members were on the ground or were expected to arrive later. (source)  

Apparently the purpose of the domestic deployments were nothing more than dick swinging, ego flexing, attempts to scare the crap out of us citizens – make us all cower in fear and bow down to Dear Orange Leader.

Didn't work and also, fuck that shit with a rusty steel spork!

There was an actual big troop buildup in the Caribbean but it wasn’t until later in October. Presumably, this was in advance of our attack on/invasion of Venezuela (remember that?).

Anyway, back to Keg Boy’s spending spree.

He spent $225 million on new furniture which included $60,000 for designer reclining chairs, $26,000 for sushi preparation tables, and $12,000 for fruit basket stands. Fruit basket stands? Who the fuck needs fruit basket stands?!!! And $12,000 worth of them???? Of course, this is also the man who had a makeup room built for himself in the Pentagon at a cost to us taxpayers of $40,000. The man should NOT be trusted with someone else’s credit card.

The Center for Strategic and International Studies (CSIS), a bipartisan research institution in Washington, analyzed DOW fact sheets, Congressional Budget Office estimates, and statements from government officials to provide an estimate of wartime costs for the operation thus far. 

The study concluded that the US has spent around $3.7 billion, or $891.4 million a day, on wartime efforts in the first 100 hours of Operation Epic Fury. 

The most significant expense comes from munitions. CSIS estimated that the US spent $3.1 billion on munitions alone, none of which were budgeted for.  (source) 

But Pissdrunk Pete had $93 billion to blow on ice cream machines and fruit basket stands.

Trump burned $5.6 billion on munitions alone in the first two days of his unjustified, unauthorized war—

But they don't have money for your health care.
~ Senator Tammy Duckworth 

Hegseth spent $93 billion in one month – roughly the cost of extending the ACA tax credits for three years.
~ Senator Chuck Schumer

Operation Epstein Fury Day 11

At yesterday’s presser:

Reporter: You said the war is “very complete,” but your defense secretary says “this is just the beginning.” So which is it? 

Pedo the Fool: You can say both.

"You can say both." You’d be a complete nincompoop (and he is) but you could say it.

I guess this is Schrödinger’s war. As long as the cameras stay on him and him alone, it’s over and just beginning at the same time.

Also, he had a call from his big boss Putin yesterday. According to news reports they talked about oil. Putin's foreign affairs adviser Yuri Ushakov described the conversation as "frank and businesslike.” That sounds like absolute bullshit or code for "Putin spoke, dictating marching orders to the orange idiot who sat there, his gaping anus mouth, for once, shut, as he carefully listened."

I’m guessing old Vlad told Pedo to cut the shit, rein in his wackaloon, kill-crazy war secretary or else certain really nasty Ep Isle tapes would find their way onto the internet. But, ya know, don’t stop the war TOO quickly. Since Iran effectively cut off oil and gas exports through the Strait of Hormuz, Russia’s seeing some terribly convenient payoffs.

In order to keep oil flowing, the U.S. and others have lifted restrictions on Russian oil. More money to Russia.

“Putin and his advisors have likely determined that war in Iran serves Russia’s interests in the short term: higher energy prices, global distraction from a Ukraine war that Putin is not ready to settle, and America at risk of entrapment in another Middle Eastern quagmire,” Person says. (Robert Person, nonresident Senior Fellow with the Eurasia Program at the Foreign Policy Research Institute (FPRI), a nonpartisan think tank based in Philadelphia) (source) 

•  Russia and Iran are besties.

•  More money to Russia means more money fueling their war of aggression against Ukraine. 

•  Trump works for Putin (Tulsi too) and has allegedly given Russia intel on Ukraine, hurting Ukraine’s battle to remain free from Russia’s aggression.  

•  U.S. attacks Iran because….something, something, Epstein, Netanyahu-told-me-to, Epstein, gazpacho!  

•  Russia gives intelligence to Iran to help target U.S. military personnel.

•  Agent Pedo had the balls on audacity to ask President Zelenskyy for help in defending against Iranian drones.

Jack Ohman

So then, Zelenskyy helping the U.S. against Russia/Iran is good except, isn’t Russia/Iran and U.S./Israel really the same thing? I mean, the citizens of these countries aren’t but the people in charge – Trump, Putin, Netanyahu, Khomeini and all the assholes propping them up – they’re all the same. The lot of them are nothing more than frozen souled, greedheaded, disgusting,  nightmare barbarians who refuse to die.

Where am I going with this? Operation Epstein Fury isn’t the raging success Pedo hoped it would be – just like his failed Venezuelan invasion, which everyone’s already forgotten about. When will his backers and supporters realize he’s completely played out. Donny Demento's a failure – a really bad investment. A sucker's bet. Isn't everyone on the planet on to him now? The longer he’s propped up, the further the U.S. sinks into utterly despised irrelevancy. Aren't we most of the way there now?

Trump’s gonna have to find a way to make this failed war up to Bibi somehow. Maybe offer him asylum from the War Crimes Commission? He can go live at Trump’s Museum of Bad Plastic Surgery at Mar-a-Lago. That'd be skeevy as fuck but war criminals can't be too choosy, right?

Operation Epstein Fury

Diplomacy was getting too close to eliminating the need for war and Netanyahu, Trump, and his drunk “christian” death dealing Secretery of WAR couldn’t have that!

The day before Operation Epstein Fury began, Al Jazeera reported: 

Iran agreed during indirect talks with the United States never to stockpile enriched uranium, said Oman’s top diplomat, who described the development as a major breakthrough. 

The U.S. attacked anyway. WHY?

Simon Tisdall at The Guardian put it so well: 

Trump’s White House increasingly resembles a madhouse. War aims shift daily. A clueless, rambling president insists he must help pick Iran’s next ayatollah. Meanwhile, his “secretary for war”, Pete Hegseth, rants manically about killing without mercy.

They’re crazier than Don Jr. and Britney Spears tripping on ‘shrooms at a Wonderland tea party and nowhere near as strange and magical. 

In making the case for why the U.S. is no friend to Britain, Tisdall says:

The US (like Russia in Ukraine) has launched an illegal war of aggression against a sovereign state. Its claim of an “imminent” threat is unsupported by evidence. Its armed forces are unrestrained, lacking any rules of engagement.

Well….yes. Definitely. Not playing by the rules — cheating, playing dirty — is how these motherfucking criminals roll. And when I say ”criminals,” I’m including every damn congresscritter, every crooked judge (I’m especially lookin’ at you Thomas, Alito, and Kavenaugh), every MAGAt voter, AND every person who didn’t vote. They all hold responsibility for bringing us and the entire world to Trumpstein Hell.

Pedo, ‘lil Marco, and crazy, serial killer Kegseth planned their big war in, what, three drugged up days in their little blanket fort at Pedo’s Florida roach motel, breakfast buffet, and home for failed plastic surgery experiments? Anyone wonder why it’s not going well? The Orange Anus has already lost interest since it wasn’t an easy win yielding him worshipful applause, gaudy giant gold trophies, and medallions. 

The US is never going to recover from the damage wrought by Trump, the Heritage Foundation, every single enabling on-the-take Republican congresscritter, everyone who voted these assholes in, and all those who didn’t bother to vote. What country would be foolish enough to trust us, to take us at our word, ever again?

Hells bells, World War II ended a bit over 80 years ago and Germany still gets dragged. The bad guys, the evil fucks, the folks who were being “good Germans” are all dead now. So it will be with the US. All the concentration camps where innocent people are currently incarcerated, tortured, neglected, kept in conditions you wouldn’t subject your worst enemy or a rabid coyote to, where people are dying for the "crime" of having more melanin than Stephen Miller or JDouche Vance — they will all be multiple decades in the past; seen only in history books (hopefully), before our nation’s crimes aren't the very first thing that comes to mind when you hear "United States." 

Collectively, we deserve that. The US won’t be trusted again and we shouldn’t be. We let a ridiculously obvious conman, a multi-count felon, a man with a well deserved horrific reputation, bamboozle his way into the White House. Not just once but TWICE. Yeah, he had help from Musk and the rest of the billionaire bandits but we should have seen this coming and prepared.

We're a nation of used car salesmen, carnival hustlers, marks, rubes and complacent lambs. We need heroes — more smart fighters like Jasmine Crockett, AOC, Maxwell Frost, Al Green, Jamie Raskin, Gerry Connolly, Zohran Mamdani, Tim Walz, Elizabeth Warren, Ilhan Omar, to name just a few.

In My Head

From The Halfway Cafe: 

Local MAGA fans say their brains “feel scrambled” because Russia is straight up giving Iran intelligence about American targets to bomb, but also Trump and Vance hate Ukraine and won’t say anything to criticize Putin, but also now the US is desperate for Ukrainian drone technology to prevent cheap Iranian drones from wasting all our super expensive missiles, but Trump is also blaming Zelensky for low defense munition stockpiles even though Trump has repeatedly screwed Ukraine over and cut off US funding, and say, “I wish Fox News would just tell us what to think, but even they seem to be befuddled!”
     ~~~
Local MAGA fans admit they’re struggling to wrap their heads around how Trump needs help from Ukraine, a country he hates, to destroy drones from Iran, a country he ripped up a peace deal with, guided by intelligence from Russia, a country he loves, in a war started by Israel, a country with obvious blackmail over him.
~~~
Found on Threads and I’m in totally agreement:
You know what sucks?  I'm more worried that our own government will attack us here, on our own soil, and blame it on Iran, than I am about Iran actually attacking us.  

This is where we are now.
~~~
A Dad joke walks into a bar…

When does a joke become a dad joke ? When the punchline becomes apparent.

🚔 🚔 🚔
Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding. 

The officer asks Heisenberg, "Do you know how fast you were going?" 

Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!" 

The confused officer says, "You were going 200 kilometres an hour!" 

Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're lost!" 

The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger if the two men have anything in the trunk. 

"A cat," Schrödinger replies. The officer opens the trunk and yells, "Hey! This cat is dead." 

Schrödinger angrily replies, "Well, he is now!”
🎄 🎄 🎄
A thousand Christmas tree lights walk into a bar. 

Bartender says "OMG, why are so many of you here tonight?"

The Christmas tree lights say, "Well, you know...when one of us goes out, we all go out.”

🦜 🦜 🦜
Guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. 

The bartender says, "Hey, buddy, you can't bring that disgusting, filthy, smelly animal in here!" 

Parrot says, "I have to. he's my ride."
🦆 🦆 🦆
A man and a woman were walking down the street.

The man walked into a bar. 

The woman ducked.
🏴‍☠️ 🏴‍☠️ 🏴‍☠️
A pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender notices that he has a steering wheel shoved down the front of his pants. He asks the pirate what’s up with that steering wheel shoved down the front of his pants. 

The pirate says “Aaargh, it’s drivin’ me nuts.”
🐓 🐓 🐓
Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip? 

To get to the other… eh? Hang on!
🦗 🦗 🦗
A grasshopper walks into a bar. 

Bartender says "hey we have a drink named after you!" 

Grasshopper says "You have a drink named Bob?"
💧 💧 💧
A science lecturer and a student walk into a bar. 

The scientist says to the barman: "Can I have a glass of H20?" 

The barman hands over the drink and the lecturer walks away. 

Wanting to fit in, the student says to the barman: 

"I'll have a glass of H20 too." His funeral is tomorrow.

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️
Have you heard the one about Orion's belt? It's a giant waist of space.
...Sorry. It's a terrible pun. I give it 3 stars.
But the follow up is stellar.
⚛ ⚛ ⚛
Two hydrogen atoms were walking down the street. 

The first says to the second, "I think I've lost an electron". 

The second atom asks, "you sure?" 

First one replies, "yeah, I'm positive"
😁 😁 😁
Why won’t cannibals eat comedians? They taste funny.

Yur welcome. 

Send Them All To Mars

The Pedo Administration has a tragically unhealthy relationship with telling the truth – that is, they're utterly incapable of doing so. Given this, there’s absolutely no reason to bother reading any news story with a headline like: US downplays reports Russia gave Iran intel to help Tehran strike US assets. Okay, one reason – to stay aware of what lies they’re currently feeding the public.

Since the war began on February 28, Russia has passed Iran the locations of US military assets, including warships and aircraft, three officials, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, told The Washington Post.

 “It does seem like it’s a pretty comprehensive effort,” one of the sources told the newspaper. 
~~~
Hegseth said the United States is “not concerned” about the reports, also downplaying the possibility that Russia’s assistance could be putting US citizens in harm’s way.

“The American people can rest assured their commander-in-chief is well aware of who’s talking to who,” Hegseth said.

“And anything that shouldn’t be happening, whether it’s in public or back-channelled, is being confronted and confronted strongly.”  (HAH!)
~~~
White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt on Friday also claimed to reporters that “[the report] clearly is not making any difference with respect to the military operations in Iran because we are completely decimating them.” (HAH!) (source) 

So, that’s fun, eh? You can just about hear her stamping her foot and sniffing loudly after she says "we're, like totally, decimating them."

Also, Jesus Clownfucking Christ, this entire administration is nothing but a dumpster fire of cack-handed lies, dissolving in a burning pool of Botox, cheap hair product, eyeliner, and fluorescent orange foundation.

For years we’ve been hearing that Trump is Putin’s puppet, that he was passing U.S. classified intel, highly classified secrets to his best buddy, his lord and master, Putin. Then there’s Tulsi Gabbard. The director of national intelligence has been all RAH, RAH Putin for a long time. How much intel has she presented to him all neatly wrapped up with a pink bow?

Looks like these two fools, as well as the rest of the Republican fanbois of Russia have, in their blind, adolescent, knee-jerk rush to embrace all things NOT Obama or even vaguely Obama adjacent, have really fucked themselves good and hard. Also us – definitely us and by “us” I mean the entire world.

The chickens are home and they're roosting.

How many innocent people have died so far because Trump is a desperately insecure, needy as all hell, narcissistic, morally bankrupt, emotionally volcanic, incredibly shortsighted idiot? So far, the death toll in Iran alone is up to at least 1,332.

At 8AM EST, there were Israeli airstrikes on the the eastern town of Nabi Chit in Lebanon. 41 people are dead and 40 wounded.

How much is Pedo’s war of choice costing American taxpayers? According to the Center for Strategic and International Studies (CSIS), Operation Epic Fury (what an absolutely Marvel Comics moniker. No, I take that back. Marvel would’ve come up with something we could take seriously):

The first 100 hours (H+100) of the operation are estimated to cost $3.7 billion, or $891.4 million each day. Some of these costs are already budgeted, but most ($3.5 billion) are not. (source) 

Yeah baby, that “peace president” who promised to bring down the cost of eggs is really doing a bang up job, amirite? Is there a place on Earth safe from this incontinent, pedophilic, rancid brained toxicity? Can Epstein and Putin’s little buddy, Elon, put the old orange pedo into one of those Rapid Unscheduled Disassembly rockets he’s got? Ya know, send him (attempt to anyway) on a mission to Mars. If Pedo thinks Mars is full of 13-year-old blonde girls he’ll absolutely leap into that space bound ship!

Lateral Move or Step Down?

I imagine you’ve heard — Krusty Gnome got booted from her Secretary of Homeland Security gig.

An aside: it can’t just be me — every time I hear/read Department of Homeland Security, what I hear is Vee must protect der Vaterland. Said, of course, in the most offensive, cartoonishly clipped, heavy German accent.

Aside number two: Now that the US is on track to outpace Nazi Germany in the construction of concentration camps and the incarceration of people whose only “crime” is failing to have white skin or the right politics or enough money and connections, can we PLEASE retire the epithet “good German?” This was used to describe anyone who deliberately turned a blind eye to the atrocities, the horrors large and small. 

Look around – it’s us here in the U.S.A. who are building the camps which are responsible for crimes against humanity. There have been at least nine deaths SO FAR THIS YEAR. Motherfuckering 2026 is only TWO months old! How many of us are turning a blind eye?

What I’m getting at – the German proverb: If there’s a Nazi at the table and ten other people sitting there talking to him, you got a table with eleven Nazis. 

Update that shit! If there’s a Republican at the table and ten other people are sitting there talking to him, you've got a table with eleven Republicans.

Are you a “good Republican” a “good American?” Are you sitting at the table blithely passing the time of day, talking about the Sox, sipping your beer with someone who voted for and/or still supports this regime?

Okay, I’m back from the Asides.

I *think* Prez Pedo thinks he’s being subtly kind and all delicate-like in not just sending Krusty, her boyfriend, and husband back to their home in Bumfuck Nowhere, South Dakota. Nope. He went out of his way to make up a brandy new department and position just for her. She’s now going to be his special envoy for the Shield of the Americas. 

‘Da fuck is that?!!! I swear, this administration just pulls all their ideas out of movies made from comic books.

In the Trumpverse, the Shield of the Americas is a pile of weasel shit dressed up in foofaraw and expensive suits, just like the Board of Peace. The Shield doesn’t exist yet and I’ll be gobsmacked and thunderstruck if it ever actually does. 

The name of the gathering is supposed to reflect Trump’s vision for U.S. national security strategy to put a greater emphasis on the Western Hemisphere, as he looks to leverage U.S. military and intelligence assets unseen in the region since the end of the Cold War. 

The leaders of Argentina, Bolivia, Chile, Costa Rica, the Dominican Republic, Ecuador, El Salvador, Honduras, Panama, Paraguay, and Trinidad and Tobago have confirmed they will attend, according to the White House.

Noem, speaking in Nashville, confirmed she will be at the summit and that Trump will announce "a big agreement" that will detail "how we’re going to go after cartels and drug trafficking in the entire Western Hemisphere." (source ) 

It’s another Reality TV President grift. The only thing that’s gonna come out of this is Pedo and Krusty getting to fleece a fresh batch of marks. Oh and the “special envoys” from other countries, along with Krusty and her boyfriend get an all expenses paid lux vaca at some lovely resort. The envoys will occasionally pretend to discuss having a new US military/CIA presence, as though anyone was at all unaware that we've been there all along.

Just in case you’re unsure, Krusty didn’t get the ax because she was a lying, thieving, HUGELY embarrassing failure at her job. It’s not because so many innocents died because from her cruel, callous indifference to life. It’s got NOTHING to do with the astoundingly brutal violence of her troops. Nope. She lied badly on tv. She also might have said something that didn’t cast Dear Leader in the most glowing of golden lights. THAT, especially from an older chick, is unforgivable.

In the recent House Judiciary Committee hearing where she was getting grilled, Rep. Jared Moskowitz wore a big "Justice for Cricket" button while questioning her. A little mocking while she goes down the tubes is perfect!

Markwayne Mullin is Pedo’s pick to replace her. This is the bastion of maturity, decorum, diplomacy, and keen discernment who challenged the head of the Teamsters union to a fight at a Senate hearing. Yeah, as if they were 10-year-olds on the playground.

This is the guy who was cowering on the floor in front of his seat in the Senate Chamber during the J6 insurrection. Sure, Two First Names is a real tough guy.

Markwayne, on a good day, maybe has the same intelligence level as Boebert. He's also about as emotionally stable as Nancy Let’s-Take-It-Outside Mace. Homeland Security has gone from a Mar-a-Lago faced violent, soulless, dimwitted, lying-ass, grifter to a chickenhearted, kumquat brained, emotionally stunted, rich guy who likes to run his mouth about how big and manly he is.

Lateral move or a step down? It’s like comparing a fresh pile of steaming Rottweiler shit to a hot load of Doberman Pinscher excrement.

GIVE ME AN F!

I’m in the mood for a good old fish cheer this morning. You?

So, we’re in a big, fat war and it’s getting bigger every time I check the news (and I’m perniciously online). Our reality show president, Dementia Don the Pedophile King, and his pet Secretary of WAR, the drunk, White Christian Nationalist and former weekend Fox “News” couch sitter with zero relevant, real military experience, are running the show. Oh yeah, coked out lil’ Marco Rubio is there to stutter out his own special, mangled, circular takes on why the fuck these unqualified, moronic, dumbfuckian, rotted rutabagas thought dropping bombs, murdering over 150 elementary schoolgirls, amongst others, was the bestest route to peace.

Apparently we have an infinite number of bombs and our perma-sozzled, Nazi glorifying dickless wonder of a defense secretary wants to drop every single one of them.

We’re probably all gonna die.

I wonder how thrilled all those suckers 'scuse me, countries who ponied up a cool billion to join Pedo’s little Board of Peace are now? So far, Iran has hit Israel, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates (UAE), Kuwait, Bahrain, Oman, and Jordan. All but Iraq and Oman belong to Trump’s little club. 

Oman got an invitation to join Donny’s clique but hadn’t replied before bomb time. I suspect they’re gonna be a straight “no, thank you” now. Dunno why Iraq, Turkmenistan, Syria, Yemen, and Afghanistan didn’t get invites. Maybe they didn’t strike the old orange con man as easily fleeced marks?

By the by, if we're going to be strictly accurate and shit, shouldn't the name of his fanboi frat be spelled out as Bored of Peace?

Folks on Threads have been talking about their World War III nuclear preparedness plans.

Where I live is more or less ground zero for multiple attacks, being nestled between a naval base, a nuclear submarine base and a shipyard. My disaster response plan in the event nuclear attack is to have every molecule in my body reach 1,000,000°C and vapourise at roughly the speed of light.

This plan requires no special equipment, training or practice.  Of course, according to American survival plans, if I can find a school desk to hide under, then all bets are off.
~~~
If given the choice, I choose instant incineration over a long, slow, excruciating death from radiation poisoning.
~~~
A doctor friend of mine recommended cyanide pills in the event of nuclear war, but they’re not currently available on Amazon.
~~~
Welding glasses, beach chair, 3 pineapple jalapeño buzz balls.
~~~
I’m in MD, real close to D.C. So, that said...My deck chair, sunglasses, and a bottle of Macallan 25 for one last delicious drink, while I watch the mushroom cloud for .5 seconds until the end.
~~~
I live on the river in Southeast Ohio. I’m pretty sure we’re not making it and if we do we’re crawling out with several legs and arms and multiple eyes. Maybe a head or two.

Instant mutation just add radiation.
~~~
I’m near a major refinery, an Air Force base and a Navy shipyard. I’ll be in my garden with a large gin and tonic.

The death toll so far? In Iran, at least 1,230, with more than 6,000 people wounded. In Israel? 19 civilians. Lebanon? At least 77. Bahrain – one. Kuwait – five. United Arab Emirates – three. Syria – four. Iraq – 13. U.S military dead – six.

Come you masters of war
You that build the big guns
You that build the death planes
You that build all the bombs
You that hide behind walls
You that hide behind desks
I just want you to know
I can see through your masks
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Let me ask you one question
Is your money that good?
Will it buy you forgiveness
Do you think that it could?
I think you will find
When your death takes its toll
All the money you made
Will never buy back your soul
~ Masters of War, Bob Dylan 

Bat Guano

So look, I’m in NO way meaning to dis bats or bat shit in ANY way. I mean, bats eat a TON of insects. That’s awesome! Better to have them hanging around your yard on a summer night than to coat yourself in chemicals (DEET AKA: N,N-diethyl-m-toluamide). Also, better to fertilize your lawn and garden with fabola organic good-for-the-soil-AND-the-plants bat shit than the synthetic stuff. Right?!

But see here, there are a certain amount of people who need to be called out hard. They are, for reals now, serious batshit.

Lauren Boebert — I mean, obviously. The woman really gives us lazy heauxs and foolish twats a bad name and I totally resent that! This person isn’t just uneducated – I don’t believe we could find an atom’s worth a sense or natural intellectual capacity in her with a live cell imaging microscope. She probably needs someone to remind her to brush her teeth, wipe her ass, and put on clothes each morning.

Handy Oakley, as she’s more commonly known, is the Vice Chair of the House Natural Resources Subcommittee on Oversight and Investigations. This sounds like a made up position – like giving a kid a fancy title for making sure all the green and brown crayons stay properly aligned in the box. Ya know, to make him feel like he's important.

Markwayne Mullen — He’s a senator. Oh but wait. He’s a senator from Oklahoma, the state that ranks 50th in education. Unsurprisingly, he’s gaspingly low on brainpower. How low you ask? He was on Fox “News” Monday and, not just once but, TWICE referred to Kegseth as President Hegseth. No. Really. He also waxed gritty about the “smell of war.” 

“It smells bad. If anybody has ever been there and been able to smell the war that’s happening around you and taste it and fill it in your nostrils and hear it, it’s something that you’ll never forget….”

He’s never been in the military, never been to war or in a war zone. He was a rancher and a plumber before becoming a senator. The closest he’s been to war is playing Call of Duty on his couch. 

Nancy Mace — The bathroom monitor House Rep from South Carolina. WHAT is her problem? I’ve gotta figure she’s suffered some serious abuse while growing up and/or as a young adult. It seems she’s never had the opportunity to successfully work through it with a decent therapist. At this point she really just ought to go inpatient. I'm serious here.

Clearly Nancy’s desperate for attention but WHY, WHY, WHY did she go into politics? Did she feel she wasn’t quite enough of an exhibitionist for, say, a circus act? Did she consider becoming a school teacher or a salesperson but was told she was too deranged, unintelligent and/or lacking in empathy? What?

Nancy’s chair of the House Subcommittee on Cybersecurity, Information Technology, and Government Innovation. In that roll she’s led congressional hearings on UFOs. Apparently, Nanc is worried about little green men invading Earth. 

Krazy Kash Patel — Wanna know how absolutely imbecilic this administration is and how out of the loop old Krazy Kash is? He fired a dozen agents and staff members from a counterintelligence unit tasked with monitoring threats from Iran days before Pedo and Bibi went all bomb happy on Iran. Why? 

Each was involved in the investigation of President Donald Trump’s alleged retention of classified documents at his Mar-a-Lago estate. 
~~~
In Trump’s first term, CI-12 (DC-based FBI counterintelligence unit) was instrumental in tracking potential threats from the Iranian regime in retaliation for the 2020 drone strike that killed Gen. Qasem Soleimani, then-leader of Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps Quds Force.

Iranian-backed actors have since been charged with plots to assassinate American officials that Iran has blamed for Soleimani’s death, including Trump, former Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and former national security adviser John Bolton. (source) 

Ooooh, OUCH! That mistake's gonna be a big issue in Kash's annual review, eh? Some GOP bozo thought he'd be perfect as the Director of the FBI.

Have you heard about the Florida Rep, Anna Paulina Luna yet? Like Nancy Mace, Anna believes in little green men. She refers to them as “inter dimensional beings.” Before getting elected to Congress Luna was an influencer and did something with Turning Point USA (you know, that shot-in-the-neck, idiot, dead guy’s show) where she actually compared Hillary Clinton to herpes. WHAT is it with these absolute mindless rutabagas talking trash to and about Clinton. Do they honestly not realize that, when they do this, they look, more or less, 10,000 times more astoundingly stupid than before they opened their mouths?

Nope, guess not. The ability to recognize that would require brainpower.

Anna leads the House Oversight Task Force on declassification of federal secrets. Gosh, don't you feel safer knowing that such a cerebral heavyweight is in charge of this? 

The Guardians Of Pedophiles will never run out of complete idiots.