Hairsplitting and Knitpicking

I have knits to be picked this morning.

Okay, okay…it’s nits NOT knits. And NO I don’t mean this in the original sense – picking the eggs of a lice out of anyone’s hair. EWWWW! I mean it, fully, in the Christ-she’s-going-off-on-another-pedantic-rant way. You know, as is my habit and shit.

It’s “sleight of hand”  not “slight of hand.” 

Sleight – skill, dexterity
Slight – something small in degree or a deliberate act of disrespect

See the difference? Of course you do!

It’s “bated breath" not “baited breath,” unless your lungs are on a fishhook trying to catch trout. 

Bated – being in a state of suspended or subdued breathing due to extreme excitement, anticipation, anxiety, or nervousness. 

The phrase was coined by our old buddy Shakespeare in The Merchant of Venice and spoken by Shylock. 

Shall I bend low and in a bondman’s key,
With bated breath and whispering humbleness, Say this;
‘Fair sir, you spit on me on Wednesday last;
You spurn’d me such a day; another time
You call’d me dog; and for these courtesies
I’ll lend you thus much moneys?

It’s “lo and behold” not “low and behold,” which sounds a bit like a cut-rate yoga position. Downward facing dog for those who can't afford the studio fee?

Lo 
     interjection
early 13c., from Old English la, exclamation of surprise, grief, joy, or mere greeting

It’s “brass tacks” not “brass tax,” which sounds like a Victorian levy on trumpets and flugelhorns. 

19th century fabric merchants hammered brass tacks into their counters to measure cloth. So, to "get down to brass tacks" meant to reach the precise, final measurement.

Rein
     noun 
1 : a strap fastened to a bit by which a rider or driver controls an animal 
2 a : a restraining influence she kept a tight rein on the proceedings
   b : controlling or guiding power reins of government
3 : opportunity for unhampered activity or use she had free rein to use her imagination on the project

It’s not “free reign” unless you’re saying the monarchy is unrestrained. 

Do you "toe the line" or "tow the line?"

“Toe the line,” according to Naval History & Heritage, comes from the practice of waterproofing between deck boards with a layer of oakum, pitch and tar, thus creating a striped deck; when the crew was ordered to fall in at quarters they would line up at their designated area of the deck, toes to the line to ensure a neat line for inspection.  Toeing the line was also used as a form of punishment for lighter misdemeanours aboard a ship, such as younger crew members talking at the wrong time; they were made to stand at the line for a specified amount of time to remind them to behave.  A logical leap later and we have our idiom, because the young lads were warned to “toe the line” – they were to mentally toe the line to avoid getting in trouble. (source) 

It's "bear with me” not "bare with me." Same for "bear witness" not "are witness." Unless you wanna get nekkid.

Bear 
     verb
: to accept or endure especially without succumbing : put up with

Bare
    adjective
: lacking clothing

It’s "pique my interest" not "peak (or peek) my interest." dammit...

This one makes me want to scream – it’s "I couldn’t care less" NOT "I could care less." If you could care less that means you still care, goddamnit!

For all intensive purposes...ahhh, NO.

It's intents and purposes, unless you're talking about campers on a beach – then everyone's in tents, looking for porpoises.

There are no isles in the grocery store but there are aisles.

It’s "buck naked," not "butt naked." Origin of "buck naked?" Uncertain but it was first used in the early 1900s, and may have come about because human skin kind of looks like the smooth skin of a buck, a male deer. Ya know, if you’re high.

I’ll accept "butt nekkid" instead though

Naked is to be without clothes, nekkid is to be without clothes and up to something. 
~ Lewis Grizzard 

It's "you've got another think coming," meaning "think again." It’s not "you've got another thing coming." Rather, it wasn’t. 

It’s "going rogue" not "going rouge." Going rogue means you stop following rules, abandon a formal, organized group, and/or act unpredictably on your own terms.
"Going rouge" suggests makeup skills gone wild. We’re talking Maybelline mania!

Strait, straits, straight. 

Strait
     noun 
1 a : a comparatively narrow passageway connecting two large bodies of water—often used in plural

2 :  a situation of perplexity or distress—often used in plural 

Straight
     adjective
1 a : free from curves, bends, angles, or irregularities

There’s the straitjacket – an unfashionable, unless you’re into B&D, top with long, closed sleeves designed to immobilize a person's arms. Once your arms are inserted, sleeves are crossed over the chest and tied behind the back. 

We have the Pedo banjaxed Strait of Hormuz.

You can be in dire straits – a no good, very bad, difficult situation

And don’t forget the band Dire Straits. 

Strait(s) and straight – NOT the same thing.

Historical: an event in the past
Historic: a significant event

Just FYI and shit.

The Tabloid Edition

You’ve heard the tale of Kouri Richins? She’s the skeevy real estate agent and predatory house flipper whose business was going down the toilet. She was close to $2mil in debt on the day her husband died (with a big assist).

Unless you’re a Musk or a Bezos, that’s a wickedly worrisome amount of dough to owe – ya know, to say the very least. Girl seemed to have a real Trumpian head for business but lacked the financial luck of having a rich, slimy, KKK father, the NYC mob, and Russian oligarchs on speed dial. How unlucky for Eric Richins.

One of the things that stands out to me, before they got married in June of 2013, they signed a prenuptial agreement. Eric held 50% interest in C&E Stone Masonry. The prenup, amongst other things, specifically stipulated that in the event of divorce his share in the business would remain solely in his possession. He went even farther, noting that, in the event of his death, his share of the biz would not go to Kouri. Interesting, no?

Sounds like Eric definitely did NOT trust Kouri from the get-go and rightly so. Why did he even consider marrying her then? Maybe it's just me – I know I totally have trust issues – but I def would have made different choices.

In 2019 she somehow “borrowed” $250Gs from one of Eric’s accounts. They were just six years into the marriage. Eric met with a divorce lawyer and an estate planner.

In October of 2020 he had the little thief removed as beneficiary of his $500,000 life insurance policy. He also created the Eric Richins Living Trust so his estate and business would be under the control of one of his sisters with all money going to his three kids.

Good thing he did that but, given the obvious rising levels of distrust, why not a physical separation too? I know, I know, hindsight is always crisp and crystal clear.

More financial shenanigans

• June 29, 2021: To obtain a loan, prosecutors say, Richins submitted a falsified bank statement to a financial institution using balance details and transaction descriptions from her husband’s company. When a bank representative flagged that her credit appeared lower than expected, she said she was in the “process of separation” from her husband, documents state. 
• Aug. 2, 2021: Richins submitted another falsified bank statement to another financial institution to obtain a loan, according to charging documents.
• Jan. 29, 2022: Richins applied for a life insurance policy for Eric and named herself as the beneficiary, according to charging documents. Eric had “no affiliation with this account,” and his signature on the application is a forgery, prosecutors say. (source) 

AND, in 2020, while Kouri’s out flipping houses, she started an affair with one of her employees – Robert “Josh” Grossman. She’d been married to Eric for about six and a half years. Their youngest of three children was three-years-old.

It seems Eric didn’t tell Kouri that he put everything – his money, the business, AND the house they lived in – into a trust with one Eric’s sisters as trustee. On March 6th of ’22 Kouri assaulted another of Eric’s sisters, Amy Richins, in an argument about the house/trust issue. This was just a month after her first failed attempt to poison Eric (the old poison sammich trick) and a few months before the overkill five-times-the-lethal-dose poisoned lemon drop and Moscow Mule execution.

Kouri – NOT a bright murderer. I mean, bitch totally left a mile wide trail of breadcrumbs and put neon lights around herself.

• April 16, 2022: Prosecutors said that by April 16, Richins had used a cellphone to research “what happens to deleted messages,” “how do police and forensic analysts recover deleted data from phones,” and “signs of being under federal investigation.” She had also read an article titled “cause of death usually does not impact life insurance payment,” according to the charging documents.
• June 6, 2022: By June 6, Richins used the same cellphone to research “what is a lethal dose of fentanyl,” and “how long do life insurance companies take to pay,” among other things, charging documents state. (source) 

I only mention it but this, at right, is Kouri’s former attorney Skye Lazaro (GREAT name!). Does she look like a Disney villain or what?!!! Honestly, found with a bloody machete in my grip, I’d have full confidence of being found innocent of slaughtering a city full of baby kittens and puppies as long as this woman was defending me. She just looks THAT competent, capable, and dynamic. Also viciously focused. Admirable qualities in a defense lawyer (as long as you’re one of the the good guys).

Why is Ms. Lazaro her former lawyer? Because Lazaro's firm, Ray Quinney & Nebeker, withdrew from her case citing “an irreconcilable and nonwaivable situation.” I don’t know what that means but I’m guessing it translates as:

“She’s totally guilty. Losing this case will make us look bad. Winning this case would make us look worse. We quit."

Kouri was instead repped by a couple of public defenders. She's been sentenced to life without parole. Could be worse – she could have been sentenced to share a cell with Diaper Don or some other billionaire narcissist who thinks he’s god. 

What's the Orange Failzilla up to today?

I wonder if Pedo’s ever so faithful cultists took note of this:

Speaking on the White House South Lawn before departing for a diplomatic trip to China, Trump was asked to what extent “Americans’ financial situations” were motivating him to make a deal with Iran.

“Not even a little bit,” Trump replied. “The only thing that matters when I’m talking about Iran — they can’t have a nuclear weapon. I don’t think about Americans’ financial situation. I don’t think about anybody. I think about one thing — we cannot let Iran have a nuclear weapon. That’s all.” (source) 

This war has never ever been about Iran’s nonexistent nukes. It has always been about Pedo playing patty cake with Netanyahu. Why? Maybe Bibi’s got juicy blackmailable dirt on the old orange kid rapist? Perhaps, like Venezuela, he’s just after Iran’s oil and minerals? Possibly Delulu Donnie thought bombing Iran would be a great twofer — a distraction from that nasty child raping habit of his AND he would get to play tough guy, strongman, king of the world? Being president is all perks and cosplay to this slimiest of pea-brained swindlers ever to be born on this planet. 

I expect Donnie Dimbulb’s reasoning for ripping up and shitting all over the excellent and brilliantly worked out agreement that Obama made with Iran made sense in Donnie’s little syphilitic, rat infested outhouse of a brain. Seems insanely illogical to me but I don’t get my news from racist fools meeting in stank-ass porta-potties at KKK/MAGA rallies. He apparently does.

And WHY can’t the Orange Failzilla get over Obama? On Monday night, between 10:15 PM and 1:13 AM he made 55 posts on his social media laundry site, Truth Toilet. That’s, on average, one post every three minutes.

Some excerpts from Harry Sisson’s X accounting: 

10:15 PM - Accuses Obama of attempting a coup in 2016 
10:15 PM - Says Obama worked with CIA to overthrow Trump 
10:15 PM - Reposts tweet saying Obama is a “traitor” and that he should be arrested
~~~ 
10:23 PM - Accuses Obama of personally making $120 million from Obamacare (wtf?)
~~~
10:30 PM - Accuses Obama, Clinton, and Comey of treason
10:39 PM - Reposts a tweet from a MAGA account saying they have secret intel proving Clinton and Obama committed crimes 
~~~~ 
10:41 PM - accuses Obama, John Brennan, and Clinton of sedition and treason again
~~~
10:47 PM - Calls Obama the “most DEMONIC FORCE” in American politics
~~~ 
10:51 PM - Reposts a fake Charlie Kirk account that claimed Obama blocked Hillary Clinton from being prosecuted
10:53 PM - Claims Obama was part of Hillary Clinton’s emails in some way

At night, without his fawning sycophants feeding him flattering lies, he can't keep out of his mind how much of an astoundingly horrifying and embarrassing failure he is. His father’s mocking and excoriating voice rings in his ears, "how could this idiot son of mine let these people outclass him."

President Trump seems to have an insatiable need to be the center of attention. International relations are a serious matter; they concern people’s lives and the stability of entire regions.

At times, it feels as though the whole world is being forced to take part in a multibillion-dollar therapy session to compensate for the attention he may not have received in childhood.
~ Iranian Vice President for Strategic Affairs, Mohammad Javad Zarif

Yup. 

FYI – yesterday was George Carlin’s birthday. If he was still alive, he’d be 87-years old. 

A few words of wisdom from him:

In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class men off to die.

Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.

Careful, if you think too much, they’ll take you away.

If you have selfish, ignorant citizens,  you’re going to have selfish, ignorant leaders.

Religion is just mind control. 

Again...yup. 

I Am The Ouroboros, goo goo g' joob

It’s like this – I’m aggravated, worn out, and just generally annoyed as hell with this demi-invalid shit. I mean, it sort of feels like I’ve gone a bit Ouroboros-y.

That is, the less I go out because:

1. eww, people
    a. what if they accidentally bump into me and knock me over?
    b. what if they cough deadly germs on my immunocompromised self?
    c. what if they’re assholes?
2. staying upright is hard with all that wind coming off the water!
3. walking up hills is exhausting!

...the less inclined I am to go out.

So then, it's time for me to snap the fuck outta this funk! What’s the first step? Book a trip to Iceland. Of course. 

I know I talked about Jen and I possibly visiting her nephew in Helsinki next spring but I think I need something closer in time. My thought being, if the trip’s a year off, I’ll procrastinate prepping for it.

What’s involved in prep? I need to get out of the house and walk – work on my leg strength, endurance, balance, gait, and confidence. Right now, my exercise is primarily cardio, done on my recumbent elliptical. While this strengthens muscles and helps me build stamina, it’s not weight bearing and does nothing for my wonk-ass balance. I want to walk around as much as I can in Iceland – not be confined to a wheelchair.

So, Iceland is booked for November – right after the mid-term elections. Hopefully this will be a celebratory trip. I haven’t traveled in six or seven years so I’m not entirely sure what to expect. Things have changed for me. As I mentioned above, I'm in the demi-invalid ranks now.

I’ve got to bring a pill box with a dozen meds to be taken daily. Do I need to travel with my pills in their original bottles and packaging so it’s clear that I’m not not smuggling illicit shit? On quick googling, yes. That and much more. This could be quite problematic.

I need to:

Check Destination Laws: Contact the foreign embassy of your destination and any transit countries to ensure your medications are permitted.

Original Packaging: Keep all medications in their original containers, clearly labeled with your name, doctor’s name, and pharmacy information.

Carry Documentation: Bring a signed letter from your doctor listing all medications (generic names), dosage, and the conditions being treated. (THIS is going to be difficult to say the very least. There are more than a few doctors in the mix here.)

Carry-On Only: Pack all medications in your carry-on bag to avoid loss, and ensure you have enough for the trip plus a few extra days.

Declare Items: Declare all medications at customs upon arrival.

Good thing I'm the type to think way ahead – always looking for hurdles and potential roadblocks. It's gonna take me more than a wee bit of time and organizing to put together all the paperwork I'll need. 

Frankly, even with all the documentation, I'll be fearful that my meds will be confiscated. One of my pills keeps me from having nasty seizures. We're going to be in the middle of nowhere in ultra rural Iceland. Without that pill, I'm pretty much fucked. I'd truly hate to spend all this money just to have to turn around and come home because some customs official has decided to play officious asshole.

Of course, we'll be flying into Iceland NOT the US so odds are in my favor.

Next – how do I pack my rollator so it doesn’t get destroyed by the baggage handlers who stow it in the cargo hold? A quick googling turns up this info:

Walkers and rollators are typically transported as free checked baggage, usually through “gate checking,” where they are used up to the boarding gate or plane door and returned immediately upon landing

Booking & Notification: Inform the airline at least 48 hours in advance to pre-book assistance.

Gate Check Process: Upon reaching the gate, inform the agent you need to gate-check your walker. They will attach a tag, and you can use it down the jetway.

Preparation: Fold the frame and lower handgrips to the lowest position before turning it over to staff at the plane door.

Storage: If the device is small and the plane has space, it might be stored in the cabin closet, but typically it will be stored in the cargo hold.

Security: Walkers can go through security; if you cannot walk through the metal detector without it, request a manual pat-down. (Joy!)

Damage Protection: Use a padded bag to prevent damage from handling.

Where do I buy I padded bag for my rollator? Once again, google is my friend but this will take some investigation to make sure I get a padded bag that's the right size. Shopping online is convenient but also annoying as hell. I'd rather go into a shop and speak with a nice, knowledgeable salesperson. 

Do they exist anymore – shops and salespersons? I know, I know. If I ever left the damn house I would maybe know the answer to that.

Vlakplaas, Patel, ICE and US

All dressed in uniforms so fine 
They drank and killed to pass the time 
Wearing the shame of all their crimes 
With measured steps, they walked in line
-Joy Division, Walked in Line 

I read an intriguing post on Threads last night by independent journalist Justine van der Leun. Here it is:

I reported on South Africa for years, focusing on the apartheid era. When I read about Kash Patel's FBI, with the chaos and the whiskey, it reminds me of these murder squad guys I once wrote about.

They were called Vlakplaas. In the 1980s, they were tasked with torturing and killing Black activists/guerillas. The govt denied the existence of the squad. But how did they get land, weapons, paychecks, orders?

When I asked an expert what the culture of Vlakplaas was, she answered: "Drinking." 

When I interviewed former members of Vlakplaas, they also recalled drinking, first and foremost: polisie-koffie, or police coffee, a mug of Coke-and-liquor. A brew called lion teeth, a mixture of leftover spirits, peppermint liquor and raw garlic cloves poured into a wine glass. Everyone who came to their secret farm headquarters had to down it. The vast majority vomited it up. Then they partied.

These guys loved apartheid. They really *believed* in executing Black freedom fighters and hiding their bodies. They were proud to go on mission, to be aligned with power, to kill. To fight for racial segregation and white supremacy, for the big men in government whom they served.

But by the time I tracked these ex-soldiers down in 2015, they were all -- each and every one -- destroyed to some degree. Physically, mentally, emotionally, financially.

 Doing such violence takes a toll.

I'm not saying they had changed the way they thought or gained great insight into anything. Some were quite nostalgic.

I'm just saying, these men committed atrocities. They had been rewarded for it, paid to do it, claimed to love it. But they'd also had to be absolutely hammered *all the time*, to the point of illness, even as they laughed and joked. And decades on, they were unwell. They couldn't sleep. Some could barely function. 

Even if the politics of the time were on their side, history was not. Apartheid fell. These guys, once "heroes," were largely shunned.

Due to the Truth & Reconciliation Commission, they often escaped concrete consequences like prison. But when I talked to them, they nonetheless lived these internal consequences. The members of Vlakplaas had compromised their own humanity, and even if they never really admitted it, even if they never could see it clearly, there was a steep price to be paid.

I didn't feel sorry for them. I rarely think of them. But I did recently, when I read about Patel and the hypermasculine, allegedly alcohol-fueled, and utterly chaotic environment that runs through this administration.

It just reminded me of Vlakplaas, that old apartheid murder squad out on a farm in rural South Africa, full of violent white supremacists who believed they were righteous, but were always on the wrong side of history.

They destroyed so many lives - even, unknowingly, their own.

Here in the US it’s not just Piss Drunk Patel and his crew, of course. It’s Stephen-Nosferatu-Miller and, previously Killer Kristi now, the profoundly dimbulbed lap dog, ManyNames Mullin’s vicious and out of control ICEholes. It’s every cop who enables their crimes against humanity. It’s the, theoretically, dry drunk, emotionally stunted, murder happy War Crimes Secretary, Pete Kegseth. 

32 people died while in ICE custody in 2025. As of May first of this year, 18 people have died in ICE custody. This includes Geraldo Lunas Campos who was choked out by guards as he repeatedly said (until he couldn’t) "No puedo respirar." (I can't breathe)

Those 18 do not include Renee Good, Alex Pretti or Keith Porter Jr. 

James Chaney, Andrew Goodman, and Michael Schwerner come to my mind. 

How many ICEholes, like the Vlakplaas, are drugged and/or liquored up in order to perform their insanely barbarous, sadistically vile deeds? Maybe this shit just comes naturally to them though – no chemical enhancements or inebriants needed? Are any of the US versions of the Vlakplaas self-aware enough to know how despised they are? Do they understand on any fucking level that they are failed, disgusting, and barely sentient lifeforms?

They, and their lord and masters, should all be caged in airtight, windowless rooms right next to a large pack of boxers, beagles, golden retrievers and pugs, all of whom have just consumed a bounty of black beans, broccoli, cheesy cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, and peas. Maybe some ice cream too. Oh hell, throw in a comfy chair and gas mask (for me), as well a half dozen orders of saag paneer and I'll join the the hounds. Since this is all organic, it's not against the Geneva Protocols, right? RIGHT?!!

Justine van der Leun’s article in The Guardian: The odd couple: why an apartheid activist joined forces with a murderer 

Corpulent Golden Calves

Here’s the short version of the original story, as I understand it. Mind you, I’m no Torah scholar:

After Moses led the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt and that whole crossing of the Red Sea thing, they had to make a pit stop so’s Mo could get more info. Directions and some such.

The crew gets to Mount Sinai — which, looking at a map just now, seems to be smack dab in the middle of fucking nowhere. 

Moses needs to hike up the mountain to chat up G-d, leaving the recently freed slaves at the base, on their own, for 40 days and nights. Not a lot to do out there in Where-the-Fuck-Are-We for over a month. Folks got antsy. ‘Course they did! No cinemas. Zilcho dance clubs. No mini-golf or Dairy Queens. Not even a lame-ass traveling carnival passing by! What’s a huge mass of freshly freed people to do?

The Israelites had to make their own fun. Clearly there were a bunch of creative types in the crew because they managed to sculpt and cast a big-ass golden calf, which they then proceeded to glorify and worship. Weird, eh? MY first inclination, on being stuck in the middle of a desert with nothing to do, would not be to create an oversized sized gold effigy of old Bessie and then start up a religion around her. That’s just odd. I mean, seems a bit disturbed, no? Were there no therapists in the crowd?

Maybe this was their kink? Really, who am I to judge? Nevermind.

An aside — where did all the gold come from? These are ex-slaves, not billionaires fer fuck’s sake. I realize this is a fable, an allegory, not an historical accounting but PLOT HOLE!

In any case, Moses comes down with the Ten Commandments BUT he and G-d are MEGA pissed about this golden calf/new religion/worship business. I mean, C’MON, I thought we had a thing going on! Weren't we going steady?

Long story short, a LOT of people died (like thousands) and stone tablets of laws got broken because Mo had a big-ass hissy fit. He had to go back up Sinai for more tablets. Time was wasted.

Moral of the story? Don’t go building gold statues of dumb animals and then start worshipping them. Especially don’t do that just because you’re bored and impatient for some promised pie-in-the-sky afterlife with streets of gold, perfect weather, no 9-5 job with shitty bennies, and, in Heaven, you’re always a size eight (even after binging on Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia). You know who promises you shit like that? Grifters and time-share salesmen (I know, same/same).

Do Republicans and Christofascists (again, same/same) actually read and understand the bible they’re always thumping so fucking hard? FUCK NO! That’s how we get this timeline’s 15 foot tall golden heifer (20’ with pedestal).

Some god grifter evangelical pastor named Mark Burns, speaking at the unveiling/blessing ceremony, hilariously and without a trace of self-awareness stated ‘this is not a golden calf.’ 

OH but it most assuredly is, you weaselly little flimflam-man! You know, it pretty much gives away the whole entire con when you have to come out and say “nuh-huh, it’s totally NOT a false idol!!! REALLY!”

Here are some funny bits about the golden heifer from the artist hired to create the mess.

• The people commissioning the cow were crypto bros and a Republican strategist. Not exactly trustworthy, respectable members of society.
• They demanded that Pedo’s labia majora by way of turkey wattle neck be ixnayed.
• His considerable rontundatudedness needed to be slimmed down.
• Unsurprisingly, Pedo’s renfieldian golden heifer sourcers 'delayed' payment (trying to stiff the sculptor no doubt!) so long that Cottrill said he eventually had to hold the statue ransom to get his money.

“‘You were supposed to make these payments nearly a year ago. I can’t trust you to do that,'” Cottrill told his wealthy patrons, according to the Times. “So I held the statue. I put it in an undisclosed location and said it won’t be delivered until the final payments have been made.”

When asked if Cottrill would ever be willing to work with the Trump bunch again, he unleashed a response with plenty of expletives.

“Once somebody has shown that they can’t be trusted to do what they say,” he added, “you don’t work with them anymore.” (source) 

Can you tell that Pedo’s bored with Iran? It wasn’t the big easy win for him — he’s losing bigly. Until he finds his next windmill to tilt at, the next target for his misplaced venomous ire, he’s shifting back to hilariously self-aggrandizing, gaudy gold painted, self-tributes.

I wonder if the course of narcissism through the ages would have been any different had Narcissus first peered into a cesspool. He probably did. 
~ Frank O'Hara

Tart Slams and Witticisms

You're raising the volume of your voice, but not the logic in your argument.
~  Ukraine's President Volodymyr Zelenskyy in the infamous February ’25 Oval Bordello meeting with Pedo and JDouche

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
~  Mark Twain 

Your ability to be positive in the face of self-inflicted adversity is inspiring,
~  anonymous 

You are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence. 
~  from Terry Gilliam’s movie, Time Bandits

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
~  attributed to Oscar Wilde

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
~  Groucho Marx 

The acoustics in your head must be incredible.
~  anonymous

He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.
~  P.G. Wodehouse 

The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
~  Charles Bukowski.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
~  Winston Churchill

I have never killed any one, but I have read some obituary notices with great satisfaction.
~  Clarence Darrow

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll waste no time reading it.
~  Moses Hadas

If your brains were dynamite there wouldn't be enough to blow your hat off.
~  Kurt Vonnegut, Timequake

I never saw anybody take so long to dress, and with such little result.
~  Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest

He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.
~  Samuel Johnson

He had delusions of adequacy.
~  Walter Kerr

My own view is that this planet is used as a penal colony, lunatic asylum and dumping ground by a superior civilization, to get rid of the undesirable and unfit. I can't prove it, but you can't disprove it either.
~  Christopher Hitchens 

Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. 
~  Charlotte Whitton

In Shakespeare’s Titus Andronicus, Chiron and Demetrius ask Aaron what he did.

Aaron: Thou which thou canst not undo.
Chiron: Thou hast undone our mother.
Aaron: Villain, I have done thy mother.

OUCH!!! 
A few witticisms from the brilliant Dorothy Parker:

•  You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think. 

•  If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. 

•  This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

Q: What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

A: You can't hear an enzyme.

And a few more excellent slams from Willy the Shake:

Away, you three-inch fool!
~  The Taming of the Shrew

More of your conversation would infect my brain.
~  Coriolanus

Thine face is not worth sunburning.
~  Henry V

Would thou wert clean enough to spit upon.
~  Timon of Athens

Clown Shoes

Why did Brazilian President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva and US Prez Pedo NOT meet in front of the press as planned yesterday? 

While Trump and his team are often late to their scheduled White House events, having the meeting behind closed doors after telling the press it would be open is significantly stranger. (source) 

Possibly ultra vain Pedo was looking more ill and haggard than usual? Makeup and hair rituals took longer than usual? Was there a last minute, emergency diaper change? Perhaps he was having a particularly bad dementia day? Ya know, he was having an unpresentable and not even vaguely coherent day?

OR maybe Lula just doesn’t want to be seen publicly glad-handing a fascist pedophile even though, for the financial benefit of his Brazil, he has to grit his teeth and play nice?
~~~
I only mention it BUT you should really get buy in from all your players before announcing you're putting on a big production of USA•USA•USA White Hat Heroes to the world.

A refusal by Saudi Arabia to allow the US to use its bases and airspace to provide a military escort for oil tankers passing through the strait of Hormuz lay behind Donald Trump’s decision to shelve the plan days after it had been launched.

Riyadh told the White House it would not allow its Prince Sultan airbase to be used to mount the operation billed as Project Freedom, which the US presented as the successor to the bombing campaign called Operation Epic Fury. (source) 

This nimrodian clownfuck of an administration is all about coming up with heroic Hollywood tough guy names and titles but can’t be arsed to come up with coherent, rational reasons (or believable lies) for actions, and you can forget about well thought out goals and plans. These yutz's are all so disastrously simpleminded, they just think “let’s blow shit up – everyone will immediately surrender and give us everything we want!”

Turns out Saudi Arabia’s not gonna let Pedo and his Secretary of War Crimes use their country as a stage. Huh. Go figure. Saudi Arabia joins the UAE, Bahrain, Qatar, Jordan, Kuwait, Turkey, Spain, France, Italy and a host of other sensible nations.

‘lil Marco Clownshoes Rubio said this morning that:

If Nato allies refuse permission to use US bases to project force, ‘that’s a problem and has to be examined,’

Is this anything like Pedo having “concepts of a plan” or blah, blah, blah INFRASTRUCTURE – “we’re going to make an announcement in two weeks” or his “big decision on the Paris accord” that he’d have in that magical two weeks? That is, a completely, totally meaningless statement – words uttered and forgotten before they’ve even left his mouth.

~~~
Steve M. at No More Mister Nice Blog brought up Saul Alinsky’s Rules for Radicals yesterday.

Rule #5:
Ridicule is man’s most potent weapon. There is no defense. It is almost impossible to counterattack ridicule. Also it infuriates the opposition, who then react to your advantage.

Abso-fucking-lutely!!!

Democrats should ridicule Patel mercilessly. They should ridicule Trump’s building and redecorating obsession. They should ridicule Pete Hegseth’s Kid Rock obsession. They shouldn’t leave all this to the late-night comics. They should revive “weird” and make voters see them as the normal ones. (And the funny ones -- people like someone who can make them laugh, and Democrats often struggle with likability.) Democrats can do this and talk about the affordability crisis. (source) 

Double plus abso-fucking-lutely!!! 

You can find the full list of rules (there are 13) here.
 
The complete book is downloadable, free, as a PDF, at this link.

Bad news presented with tart humor is a big reason why I follow Jeff Tiedrich. I like my daily dose of horror with a mondo side of snark. Mind you, I love Heather Cox Richardson – truly – but there are some days when I need a big spoonful of scathing wit to make the medicine go down.

once again, everything in the news is so unbelievably stupid that I don’t even know where to begin. so today, I’m just going to spin the Big Wheel of Moron™ and see where it lands. ready? here we go. (source) 

Watching this government in action is like going to a fourth rate Texas carnival with a mob of sugar bombed 10-year-olds and letting them loose on the bumper cars. It'd be weirdly entertaining (if you like freak shows and movies showcasing out of control kids) BUT these bumper cars are all IEDs, the 10-year-olds are being raised by hate-mongering, meth addicted MAGAts, and the ride is located on the collapsing roof of a maternity hospital. 

This is the USA now. Grab your popcorn and clown shoes. Enjoy the show.