Remain Calm...Dammit!

I have a thrice put off dental surgery scheduled for 1PM today. I’m distinctly unthrilled about this. WHY did I put this off three times? That’s kind of not like me. I usually go into my scary health shit like a mad, suicide bombing warrior. Right?

This past winter was stressful and jam-packed with other stupid health issues. I was depleted and overwhelmed. Happens to even the best berserkers. So, I put it off. A lot. Today’s the big day. Whoopee!

At right is an absolutely accurate illustration of me bravely marching off to the torture dental surgery suite with my faithful battle bear. Okay, I probably gotta leave the battle bear (AKA Cake) at home.

Yes, I KNOW I’ve been through 50 bazillion big, fat, long-ass brain, spine, and eye surgeries before and I wasn’t anywhere near so whiny about those. Why not? I got to sleep through the brain and spine surgeries. Anaesthesia is my friend. Eyeball surgeries? I was younger then. That’s my reasoning an I’m sticking with it.

Below is some calming imagery I’m focusing on in hopes of chilling the fuck out before I get in the fucking chair.

See ya tomorrow … if I survive.

What Would Chocolate Bunny Do?

REJOICE! It's the day the chocolate bunny rose from the dead and I am eternally grateful for her selfless sacrifice to the world. 

Naturally, while I slovenly indulge in my Bunny Day basket of goodies, the patriarchy spins disastrously onward.

Right-wing penis Americans: "Women shouldn't be in positions of power and authority. Women shouldn't be allowed vote either. They're too emotional – not rational and logical like men."

Also, right-wing penis toters: "The hand of God teleported me to a Waffle House.”

“I was with my boys one time, and I was telling them I was gonna go to Waffle House and get Waffle House. And I ended up at a Waffle House – this was in Georgia, and I end up at a Waffle House like 50 miles away from where I was,” Phillips said on the podcast Onward, co-hosted by rightwing activist Catherine Engelbrecht.

Phillips added: “And they said, ‘where are you?’ and I said, ‘a Waffle House.’ And: ‘a Waffle House where?’ And I said: ‘Waffle House in Rome, Georgia.’ And they said: “‘That’s not possible, you just left here a moment ago.’ But it was possible. It was real.”

But Phillips did warn about the dangers of teleportation.

“Teleporting is no fun,” he said “You know it’s happening, but you can’t do anything about it, and so you just go, you just go with the ride. And wow, what just an incredible adventure it all was.” (source) 

This is Gregg Phillips who Prez Pedo chose to head FEMA. You know, the Federal Emergency Management Agency. The folks who used to help people before, during, and after disasters – like hurricanes, floods, and fires. FEMA provided funding, sent response teams, and tried to find ways to stave off damages from future disasters.

That is, FEMA did this until Prez Griftasaurus Dipshit scammed his way back into office. Pedo CHOSE this wackaloon to head up a profoundly serious agency on which we the taxpaying people all rely in times of extreme trouble.

Maybe old Greggles isn't actually nuts and was just drunk off his ass, tripping his balls off, and spun a weak-ass fairy tale to cover staying out too late with the boys. In any case, he should’ve made a financial investment in witnesses.

…as the outlet phrased it, none of the interviewees “said they were aware of anyone traveling to the 24-hour restaurants by paranormal means.”

“I’ve seen it all,” longtime Waffle House server Shastoni Burge told the outlet. “But I’ve never seen that.” (source) 

Obviously, if Greggles is a rational, stable, logical, stoic example of the males of our species, humanity is stone fucked. Dude is seriously missing more than half his brain cells. I wonder if he’s even able to feed or bathe himself. A dead toad would do a better job of running FEMA.

This is, of course, par for the course. Trump only hires complete imbeciles because he’s too insecure to have anyone more intelligent or sane than himself in his employ. Pedo is demonstrably a complete radish brained Froot Loop so...

Speaking of barely sentient radishes – there’s the Fox weekend couch sitter who was booted from the Army National Guard for being an “insider threat.” This is the vain, volatile pinheaded christian nationalist who’s running the war in Iran. You know, the war that we’re losing BADLY. The war where every day we as a nation embarrass ourselves to levels no one has ever seen before – that no one thought possible. 

Apparently Piss Drunk Pete’s a bit paranoid about getting canned despite the fact that he’s white and usually looks “good” on camera (to MAGAt viewers). He should be nervous. Kegseth’s making his boss look as incompetent as he actually is. He’s exposing Trump’s asininity and colossal ineptitude to the entire world. Don’cha know, Pedo’s a bit sensitive about that shit. 

So then, Perpetually Plastered Pete is out there firing all the folks who know what the fuck they’re doing. Ya know, like any emotionally secure, intelligent, leader who's focused on achieving measurable goals would be doing. Of course.

Crazy Times

I have Harry Nilsson’s song Jump Into The Fire in my head this morning.

You can climb a mountain
You can swim the sea
You can jump into the fire
But you'll never be free

I imagine this has something to do with the insane news we’re pounded with every day. In what way is Prez Pedo gonna try to clown fuck us into hell today? 

He signed that weasel shit executive order to restrict mail-in voting (full on knowing that mail-in voting foiled his scheme to steal the 2020 election). Only his dimmest cult members buy his lies – mail-in voting is secure and vast voter fraud claims are baseless. I’m betting he’ll make good on his threat to have the national guard confiscate voting machines in November though. This will be right after the GOP goes down in flames that’ll make the Great Chicago Fire of 1871 look like a little backyard barbecue. He’ll try to anyway. 

Hopefully, national guard leaders will be smart and faithful enough to the constitution to disobey an illegal order. Seeing all the troops obediently going off to the Middle East to fight Operation Epstein Distraction, I'm not positive we can count on them.

More than 20 Democratic attorneys general filed a lawsuit Friday challenging Donald Trump’s Tuesday executive order to restrict who can vote by mail. 

In his order, Trump directed the US Postal Service to abstain from sending mail-in or absentee ballots to people who are not on a pre-ordained list of eligible citizens.
~~~
States and localities that do not comply with the order could face the loss of federal funds and investigations.

The attorneys general, in their lawsuit, called the order an unconstitutional interference into state elections and a move to disenfranchise voters.

The constitution does not grant presidents power over elections. States are responsible for how their elections are run, with Congress being able to alter some choices.
~~~
“Once again, President Trump is trying to rewrite the rules of our elections. But he lacks the authority to do so – full stop,” said California’s attorney general, Rob Bonta, one of the plaintiffs, in a Friday news release. (source) 

As if this and his obscene, incompetently waged war on Iran wasn’t enough, he’s also attacking Blue states in a new way. He’s announced a fresh crackdown on “fraud.” Projection much Fraud Boy? Fer fuck’s sake, that’s the old grifter's total fucking brand! Pedo made the announcement on his little Twitter knock-off – Truth Toilet. He’s putting JD I-create-stories Vance in charge of making sure other people aren’t creating stories.

Sure, this makes perfect sense. The US is insane. Mind you, it’s always been so but NOW we’re light-years beyond lethally batshit.

The truth is you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.
~ Eminem

I live in a crazy time.
~ Anne Frank 

In an insane world, a sane man must appear insane.
~ Kurt Vonnegut 

I realised either I was crazy or the world was crazy; and I picked on the world. 
~ Jack Kerouac 

It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society. 
~ Jiddu Krishnamurti

Great Friday

Good Friday? That’s either redundant, if you’re a 9-5 working stiff, OR a horrible joke if you’re one Jesus Fucking Christ. I mean, it wasn’t a very good day for him now, was it?

Yesterday wasn’t a terribly good day for Pedophile Protector Pam but then, it was Thursday, not Friday.

Mike Luckovich

She’s now Trump’s ex personal attorney general. I guess, besides being a chick (in Prez Psycho ClownShit’s world, all women are inherently disposable), she just hadn’t sufficiently papered over Donnie’s child raping past. If she was a dude, Prez Pedo would have praised her efforts no matter how Homer Simpson-ish or Three Stoogian they were. See that absolute embarrassment to humanity, Krazy Kash Patel or kill-happy, christian nationalist, theoretically dry-drunk Kegseth OR the heroin promoting, anti-vaxxer RFK jr.  Oh yeah, there’s also commerce secretary Howard Lutnick, who was caught in a lie about his ties to Trump's bestie Epstein and Lutnick's visits to Child Rape Island. Nope, those dudes still hold their high profile, big money gigs. All they had to do, besides suck up to the most disgusting creature on the planet, is be born with a dick AND money.

Bondi was awful, but no worse than Patel. Noem was terrible, but no worse than Hegseth. Funny that it’s only the women who get fired.
~ Bill Kristol 

To ensure Pedo Pammy doesn’t flip on Pedo Prez and spill all the tea (and she assuredly knows a metric fuckton that’d totally bury him under the lowest level of the Inferno) Trump’s set her up with some phony baloney consolation prize gig. Just like Unemployed Barbie and her Agents of Shield spokesmodel “job.” 

In a statement, Bondi said she would be transitioning the office to Blanche over the next month, adding she was moving to “an important private sector role I am thrilled about, and where I will continue fighting for President Trump and this Administration”. 

“I remain eternally grateful for the trust that President Trump placed in me to Make America Safe Again,” she said. (source) 

Sucking orange ass to the end – how incredibly ridiculous, pointless, and flat-out grotesque.

Naturally, the bleach queen is being replaced by a corrupt, rich white guy. Todd Blanche was Trump’s personal defense attorney for the 2016 hush money trial as well as the election subversion and classified docs prosecutions. 

Michael Ramirez

I imagine Tulsi Gabbard is next on Trump’s hit list. Why?

Gabbard is said to have attracted the president's displeasure after failing to condemn former counterterrorism chief Joe Kent following his dramatic exit last month, in which he quit his post and criticised the administration's decision to take the U.S. to war with Iran. (source) 

And

Gabbard’s testimony that frustrated Trump ... was in line with her longstanding criticism of the US becoming entangled in foreign wars, as well as her previous statements to Congress in 2019 that she believed the president could not legally order pre-emptive attacks. (source) 

Mostly, it’s because she’s toting the wrong equipment. Prez Pathetically-Needy-and-Humiliatingly-Insecure can’t stand to have even moderately intelligent and mildly independent women in his orbit. This is why Linda McMahon, Sec of Ed, pro wrestling promoter, and otherwise failed businesswoman has solid job security in this administration.

Escape

As you may recall, I’m not much of a teevee watcher BUT I’m utterly hooked on The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and I'm wicked sad that we only have four episodes left until the end 😢. The last time I was this obsessed with a show was when Buffy the Vampire Slayer was on.

I mean, please recall: it was the late ‘90s, I was being wheeled away to spine surgery – the one where I was given 50/50 odds of coming out with zero use of or feeling in any part of my body from the tits down. I knew this was going to be an epic, marathon operation. I was sedated but still awake enough to speak. Before the orderlies rolled me out, I turned my head to The Amazing Bob and Jen and said, “don’t forget to tape Buffy.”

First words to Jen on coming out of anesthesia in recovery? “Did you tape Buffy?” I had my priorities in order and shit!

Nicholas Brendon, the actor who played Xander on Buffy, died on March 20th in Greencastle, Indiana. I only just found out. He was 54. Practically a kid. Brendon had a heart defect and spine issues (cauda equina syndrome – necessitating several surgeries), but mostly his body was damaged from years of heavy alcohol and drug abuse.

Apparently, unlike his goofy but caring, stalwart, supportive, good guy Xander character on Buffy, Brendon was a violent, abusive twat. He was busted in 2015 for strangling his girlfriend in a Saratoga Springs, New York hotel room. He was arrested two years later for assaulting another girlfriend at a hotel bar in Palm Springs, California. 

There’s also the little matter of his grand theft, criminal mischief, robbery, and other assorted charges.

I wonder why he chose to move to Putnam County, Indiana of all places. He was born and raised in Southern California. What’s the draw of Indiana? I mean, I lived in the state for a couple of years as a kid (HATED it). We were only there because Daddy was getting his doctorate at the university in Bloomington.

Supposedly Brendon wanted to get away from the Hollywood grind to focus on his mental health. That line sounds like it covers lots of subtext, as in I’ve burned my very last bridge in California and I’ve got to get to a place where no one knows who I really am and what I've done.

Reports also say that he wanted to get away to paint. You can’t do that in LA? His family claims he was selling his art online but there are more than a few people who claim to have never received the paintings they paid for. Eh, who knows.

It came out at some point that, when he was 10-years-old, he’d been sexually abused by a teacher.

"I think about it every day of my life and I wonder how it affected me. Did I stop growing emotionally?" he added. "When you're molested for a couple years and you're blamed for it by the people who are supposed to be your protectors, there's going to be a lot of confusion and a lot of sadness.” (source) 

Jesus. Child abusers and their enablers really need to be exposed, harassed, stripped of all their assets, and unmercifully put down. 

What an awful, ugly mess.

The Fool

I was feeling pretty low last night. Health-wise it’s been a hard winter and our coastal New England weather has kept me, for the most part, indoors. I haven't been for a real walk in months and recumbent elliptical workouts are NOT the same. I’ve been feeling old and way less than superhero-ish. WAAAH!

And then I saw a news report. My winter could have been a LOT worse. Just imagine being Kristi Noem! She gets fired, her very much NOT secret boyfriend (and partner in grift), with whom she’s cheating on her husband, dumps her, the $220 million self promo ad campaign (which was a complete grift for her and her homely fuck buddy) gets exposed and is never run and then some tabloid comes out with the news that her husband dresses in bad fake boobs, hot pants and spent BIG bucks every month online with sex workers. 

I’m totally not kink shaming here. What consenting adults do in private is none of my damn business. If it made him happy – hey, party on! Question though – he spent $25,000 on sex workers? Maybe it’s just me but that’s kind of a LOT of dough.

He owned an insurance business? Is that a real money maker? Did that bring in enough not to sweat 25 Gs? OR did Kristi just do a lot of fancy financial footwork as governor of South Dakota? I mean, that’s completely on brand for her. Maybe the Noems come from big fat generational buckos? Did no one notice or care that $25 thou slipped out the door or were Bryon’s sex workers included in the household budget?

GOP Congresscritter Nancy Mace, Can Cop

Also, these are Republicans. Ya know, the party that’s so anti-trans that they want to perform junk inspections in public bathrooms. They scaremonger that kids go to school and are being, at minimum, groomed to become transgender OR *gasp* gay. This is the party that’s always going off about manliness and alpha shit?

So, let me get this straight, it’s okay to wear the clothing traditionally worn by women when you’re a dude married to a Republication governor and Prez Pedophile cabinet member, but it’s NOT okay if you’re an every day American who’s just trying to live your best and most authentic life. Gotcha. This is GOP logic for you.

Unemployment Barbie’s has asked for sympathy and privacy as she goes through this hard time.

“Ms. Noem is devastated. The family was blindsided by this, and they ask for privacy and prayers at the time,” Noem’s representatives told The Post. (source) 

She deserves the same amount of sympathy and privacy that she’s given immigrants and their families or Renee Good and Alex Pretti.

Precisely zilchareeno.

Also, her and Bryon have been married for 34 years. Is she trying to say this came outta nowhere? All of a sudden, after 34 fucking years together, ‘ol Bry started dressing like a Skid Row two bit street hooker, calling pricey dial-a-heaux services to get off and Cosplay Kristi didn’t notice? Maybe she was too busy boffing Lewandowski in her taxpayer funded $70 million luxury jet’s boudoir to notice or care. I only mention it BUT, with the amount of time she’s very publicly spent playing dress-up, it seems pretty damn clear that costume play was a big part of the Noem marriage. She's known all along and is only “devastated” and “blindsided” that this came out – that it’s now very public knowledge. 

To be clear, I’m not mocking Failure Barbie and her husband for his specific fetishes or their apparent open marriage. No, I’m making fun of HER because SHE’S a stack of hypocritical, fraudulent, thieving, ruthlessly self-absorbed, compassion-free rotting dead skunk heads, stinking to high heaven. 

Honestly, the only thing Bryon Noem has to be ashamed of, is having been Kristi Noem's husband. That and being a Trumpublican.

One other unexpected funny bit – the execrable Megyn Kelly quipped that she was glad Cricket doesn't have to see this.  💀 💀 💀 Yeah, Cricket and that poor goat too.

Word Pet Peeves

Below are a small selection of words I keep seeing misused online. Ya know, beyond the usual there/they’re/their, your/you’re, its/it’s, or using “could of” or “would of” instead of “could have’ or “would have.” //cringe// They're annoying the crap outta me.

Apart – to be at a little distance. 
She stood apart from the crowd.
A part – to be an element of a group, a whole. 
The aerialists were a part of the circus.  

Complement – something that completes or makes something better or perfect. 
The velociraptors were the perfect complement to the party, they added just the right touch of mayhem.
Compliment – an expression of praise or encouragement. 
She complimented him on his matching socks.

Lose – a verb meaning to misplace or otherwise no longer have something. 
You could lose a tooth if you keep up with that aerialist shit.
Loose – an adjective meaning not tight. 
Your tights are too loose and are bound to fall off as soon as you’re up on the swinging trapeze.

Principal – the head of a school. 
YES, I’m headed to Principal Grundy’s office again. YES, I was fucking swearing in class again.
Principle – a rule, belief or fundamental law. 
The Principles of Trumpism can be boiled down to one main tenet – whatever puts gold in his pocket and raises him to the level of god king is paramount.

Affect – a verb meaning to influence. 
His shitty opinion did not affect my voting choice.
Effect – a noun meaning the result. 
The effects of the calm-me-down drugs I take for my MRIs take for-fucking-ever to wear off.

Rosemary Mosco – Bird and Moon

Poisonous organisms (frogs, mushrooms, pufferfish, poison ivy) contain toxins that cause injury, sickness, or death when touched or ingested.
Venomous animals (snakes, spiders, bees) actively inject toxins via bites or stings

Flammable – capable of being easily ignited and of burning quickly. 

Inflammable is NOT the opposite of flammable. The two basically mean the same thing though I’ve seen it said that inflammable means that a substance is capable of bursting into flames without the need for any ignition. Spontaneous combustion? Dunno 'bout that. Merriam-Webster tells me this though:

Flammable and inflammable look like opposites, but they both describe something that ignites easily and burns quickly. Inflammable arrived in English two centuries before flammable. Its prefix in- is not the one meaning “not,” familiar from words like inactive and inaccurate. Instead it is another prefix altogether: in- as a form of -en-, meaning “to cause to be,” as in the words indent and indebted. This fact is not obvious, however, and confusion about the meaning of inflammable persists. Using nonflammable is one way to ensure clarity when “not flammable” is the intended meaning.
~~~
Flammable also comes from flammare. In the early 20th century, firefighters worried that people might think inflammable meant “not able to catch fire,” so they adopted flammable and nonflammable as official safety labels and encouraged their use to prevent confusion. In general use, flammable is now the preferred term for describing things that can catch fire, but inflammable is still occasionally used with that meaning as well.

The opposite of flammable is nonflammable or noncombustible.

Yur welcome.

Venn

He is the height of imbecility, the most infantile, and unevolved man ever to have existed and it’s not even close. 

“To be honest with you, my favourite thing is to take the oil in Iran, but some stupid people back in the US say: ‘Why are you doing that?’ But they’re stupid people,” Trump told the British newspaper. (source) 

How many people will die because this hamster brained child rapist wants tosteal and control another country’s oil? EVOLVE YOU FECAL HEADED MOTHERFUCKER, JUST FUCKING EVOLVE!!!

I really need to take a day off from the news. I want to be aware of what’s happening. I don’t want to bury my head in the sand or hide in a blanket fort reading comic books all day … wait. No. I’m lying. YES, I DO want to ostrich out. I DO want to make a blanket fort. I want to spend a week or more in there, reading escapist mysteries, science fiction novels, ghost stories, and fairy tales. Cake can come in for pats and naps. Ten will stop by to see if I need more cookies. 

Does this not sound ideal to you? It sure as fuck sounds dandy to me.

Compounding my news anxiety is the fact that I’ve a bunch of doc appointments over the next two weeks. Today’s is just a bone density exam – no biggy. Later in this week there’s physical therapy and a followup with my PCP about some curious symptoms I’ve been having. It may just be more unhappy aging crapoli OR it could be another serious and disturbing chapter in the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. We’ll see.

Next week I have dental surgery and I’m definitely agitata about this. WHY do I have to be awake for dental surgery? Hmmmmm?! Also, this Claustrophobia Queen has three, count ‘em THREE MRIs scheduled. Whoopee!!!

I NEED to find a way to lower my dread levels

Possibly this Guardian report could lift my spirits?

JD Vance says aliens are ‘demons’ and details obsession with UFOs
As the war in Iran continues, petrol and grocery prices soar and chaos continues at US airports as a partial government shutdown endures, Vance appeared on the conservative Benny Show podcast, released Saturday, to promise that he would spend time looking into what he called his “obsession” with UFOs and extraterrestrial visitors. (source)

He says that he considers aliens to be “demons.” Eh, you know what? I really don’t need to read this. The man has clearly lost the plot… he's utterly banjaxed in the brain box. Veep Many Names might have a functioning mind of some sort but this is not someone with any understanding of, ya know, actual thinking, functioning people.

Here’s something funny – seems Killer Kegseth, the bloodthirsty, let’s-create-Armageddon-NOW, christian nationalist Sec. of Defense, has a new nickname amongst Pentagon staffers. They’re referring to him as “Dumb McNamara.” OUCH! You remember old Bobby McNamara don’t ‘cha?

He was the Defense Secretary who played a BIG FAT role in expanding US involvement in the Vietnam war. Remember Vietnam? It was the big failed, awful, obscene, unnecessary war before Grenada, Panama, the Gulf War, Balkan interventions, Afghanistan, and Iraq.

The former defense secretary pushed so hard for further U.S. involvement in Vietnam that some dubbed it ‘“McNamara’s War.” The nickname is meant to take a jab at Hegseth’s hardline military approach, comparing it to a chapter in U.S. history that’s widely seen as a major strategic failure. (source) 

I now, naturally, have Paul Simon’s song A Simple Desultory Philippic (Or How I Was Robert McNamara’d Into Submission) in my head. Not bad. Not bad at all.