Dead Man's Curve, It's No Place To Play

I was at the bookstore on Saturday, hunting for some mindless bit of fluff to see me through the 90+º weekend heat and my convalescence.

‘’Convalescence?! What happened? Have you been under the knife at MGH AGAIN?!’ you ask, all concerned, anxious and shit.

Nope, not an MGH fun time! On my Friday morning trike ride around the Neck, I was coming down a hill WAY too fast for the turn I needed to take at the base. If I didn’t take the turn, I'd fly over the embankment, down onto the rocky, bouldery shoreline below. Not cool.

So, while zooming 'round the bend, doing my damnedest not to go soaring, I totally wiped out -- me and the trike went for a few not so comfortable rolls.

No stitches needed but, boyhowdy, I’m really rockin’ the road rash look. Just FYI, it’s not all danger-sexy looking like I’d hoped.

And it hurts. And makes me cranky too.

In any case, at the book store I saw a couple of just awful examples of cover art.

Who, in Kali’s name is Chelsea Handler and why should I care? Is she a porn actress? Is that why she’s doing the pouty little girl, finger in mouth, come hither pose?

I consulted my good friend, the Magic Gazoogle.

From Wikipedia (and yes, someday we will ALL have our own page in Wikipedia to go along with OUR 15 minutes of fame):

Chelsea Joy Handler is an American comedian, actress, author, talk show host and producer. She hosts a late-night talk show called Chelsea Lately, on E! Entertainment Television.

Handler has authored four books on the New York Times Best Seller List, three of which have been number one. Her first book, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands (2005), describes the variety of sexual encounters she went through throughout her life. Handler also wrote Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea (2008), a collection of humorous essays that hit the New York Times Nonfiction Best Seller List on May 11, 2008, with a print run of over 350,000. She went on a nationwide tour to promote her third book, titled Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang, which was released on March 9, 2010.

 It appears that, once again, my lack of TV watching, my People Mag eschewing and that whole not being 20 years younger thing has led to me being tragically unhip to the Chelsea Handler phenom.

I suspect I’ll get over this. And, given her past books, I guess the front cover pose on her new dissertation makes sense.

 Then, THEN I came upon this Star Wars collection (I had no clue that there’re  Star Wars books! Yes, yes. I DO need to get out more). Darth Vader’s supposed to be a scary guy, right? I mean, I saw the first three Star Wars movies and I DO remember him as being the bad guy with fierce Dark Side of the Force Fu.

So, what the fuck’s this cover all about? Darth looks all cross eyed, as though he’s staring at some asshole fly who’s had the absolute balls, the temerity to land on his nose.

I can just hear his agent’s chiding now.
‘Darth doll baby, this is not in keeping with the image we’re trying to sustain for you.’

Jan and Dean -- Dead Man's Curve