Mythical Beast Night

Too bad the Y's not open at midnight. Why? On those nights when I can't sleep, when I'm too revved up and wired by political insanity or work or fears, anger and sadness, a turn on the elliptical would likely do me a lot of good. I’d wear myself out – burn off this excess jangled energy. I could DO something instead of laying abed tossing, turning – fuming and fulminating.

If it wasn't dark out (at night! whose idea was that!?), I could take my trike out for a spin.

I could get up and paint or draw. That'd be doing something. 1AM is generally not my most inspired hour though.

Often, I read. For the most part, I avoid surfing the net – too hard to skirt the heinous news of the day. Plus, computer light at night is, at the least, unhelpful. This past night, knowing the Sandman was never gonna visit, I fired up the iPad and jumped in.

Had I not, I might never have known that Scotland’s national animal is the unicorn. That is just too wild. I’d love to think that there’s some wildly deep, poetical reason for this but, back on National Animal Naming day, folks actually believed unicorns were real.

Did you know? The way to catch a unicorn is to use a young virgin female as bait. It’s supposed to help if the girl “bares her breast.” Huh, four legged, single horned magical beast? Or child molester? It's a puzzler, eh?

Instead of the de rigueur virginal adolescent, I read that one could/should use glitter, lots of it. Jaycarson2000 notes that glitter is life for the unicorn.  Somehow, I'm not surprised. I hear tell they also love the nightlife, they love to boogie.

Mind you, you could just try being the kind of person a unicorn would wanna hang with. Nah, too easy – where's the challenge?

Also, unicorns are heavy sleepers and big Jane Austen fans. Huh, I did not know that. Fascinating.
Obvs, I’m not a unicorn – I'm completely hornless, not a heavy sleeper or a big Jane Austen fan. I don't know that unicorns would even enjoy my company. I'm, quite possibly, a smidge too foul mouthed and pragmatic for their sense and sensibilities. I like glitter though so there's that.

Scotland wasn't alone in mythical beast national animal-hood. Dragons used to be the national animal of China, Vietnam and Bhutan. China's is the panda now. Viet Nam's is the water buffalo. Bhutan's Takin looks mythical but is a real, live goat-antelope mash-up. Cool but I think I prefer the dragons.

In further spins around the intertoob, I found out that Daryl Hannah and Neil Young are a thing now. Much, it seems is being made of their age difference –15 years. Pffft – big fucking deal. The Amazing Bob was 17 years older and, as you know, he was my total and complete soul mate.

Now then, THIS is where my nighttime surfing all came together. Hannah played a mythical beastie in one of her early roles – she was a mermaid.

Possibly I should be reading stories about fantastical animals when I’m stuck in Wakey-Wakey World at obscene dark thirty? Maybe dragons would lull me to beddy-bye?