FUD!

Let’s talk about the wonderful world of food.

As you may already know, I don’t mess about in the kitchen. Cooking is most def not one of my superpowers. I’m OK with this.

With my beautiful, kitchen god The Amazing Bob gone, I no longer have the glory of his fragrantly spiced, delicate stir fries, his brill spicy curries or those ultra fab spinach/oatmeal cookies.

You’d think, wouldn’t ya, that I’d learn how to do this for myself now, eh? Nope. That was TAB’s bailiwick. I loved everything he made for me but I’m not even vaguely or tangentially interested in knowing how to make those killer dishes.

Right next door though is Oni who has become, over the years, quite the astounding magician. I marvel (and stratospherically enjoy) his creations. Last week he hocuspocused some wild paella and a shrimp curry and his signature spicy black beans (of which I CAN’T get enough) and something with spinach and mushrooms (?) AND he bakes the most amazing bread.

I asked him to write down a recipe or two so’s I could share. He did but I’m too lazy to transcribe. Also too, I enjoy the wizardry, the mystery of a brilliantly crafted meal. I do NOT need or want to see the thaumaturgical formulas. For the paella, I know he began with a Cook’s Illustrated recipe but altered and illuminated as he went along.

 OH and then there’s Oni’s green sauce – it’s like a fiery salsa/guacamole hybrid…or something. It's awesome and oracular, I tell ya!

Now then, despite her man's abundant talents, Jen's a lithe creature and has NOT packed on the poundage. She hasn't bulked up to Jabba proportions. I know I surely would and nearly did when I had my own Kitchen God inna houzz.

How's she avoided my fate? For starters, the universe blessed her with one of them rare, mega desirable, high metabolisms. In addition to this, she's got astounding self discipline. She's the portion control queen. Yes, let's all have a moment of jealous hate but no more than that because Jen's the most fabola of humans.

Now that my very own, beloved, cookhouse numen has passed on to the big mess hall in the sky, I’ve learned how to roast Brussels sprouts and asparagus. It ain't much but, seriously now, roasted veg is one of my favorite meals.

Between that and Oni's abracadrabra-ing, I’m in NO danger of eating nothing but processed, prepackaged foods. TAB would be so proud.