SLAP!!!

There’s a name for it! According to the Urban Dictionary, that thing I so often engage in is called The Verbal Slap.  It’s:

1. A sentence comprising of almost all cuss words.
    That asshole bastard bitched about fucking that slutty cunt!

OR

2. When an insult is so surprising and uncalled for, it’s the equivalent of slapping someone across the face.
     Person One - Yeah, I got a 95 in math last year.
     Person Two - So? You slept with the teacher.

Let’s look at the example in definition numero uno, specifically slutty cunt.

Here in the strange old U.S. of A., cunt, in non-slang terms, means the vulva or vagina. It’s also, as dictionary.com puts it a contemptuous term used to refer to a woman.

Us Americanos don't use it unless we’re jonesin' for an actual physical slap. PLUS, the user would most def  be thought of as a disgusting, low brow, misogynistic pile of polecat poo.

I understand this…mostly.  If a straight white male, in all heavy seriousness, called me this...boyhowdy, he’d be one sorry, midget-dicked wonder after I finished with his pathetically tiny beaned, callous, dirtbag self.

See what I did there? As a chick, it’s rude and coarse but OK for me to insult white-het-dude privy. Why? I'm no actual threat to them – not physically, not in the workforce and not socially. The reverse cannot, GENERALLY, be said. All I've got are words.

Though it's satisfying as hell, I want to avoid the cheap dick humor. Fun as it is to make tiny todger jokes about 45 (fer instance), all I'm doing is blowing off steam. I'm not shining an archly humorous, trenchant light on what’s really wrong.

But wait, wait, WAIT I really, REALLY want to insult the motherfucking toadstools outta the cretinous, panda-brained, money-before-humanity-and-dignity twatwaffles of the female persuasion. (By the by, twatwaffle is gender neutral! Also, case yur interested, here's how to sign that wonderful slap)

I’d like to call women, like Ann Coulter and Tami Larynx, soap bubble-brained, low rent, slime coated sluts but, see, I don’t know, nor do I give a good goddamn whether or not Tami or Ann are of the round-heeled persuasion. Also too, if they enjoy the hell outta sex, GOOD FOR THEM! Ain’t none of my business.

Still, as a fellow member of the Vagina Tribe, I can get away with calling them cheap slatterns. It’s a low, unnecessary, distracting and counterproductive shot though. Women like Tami and Ann have a monster bounty of royally egregious REAL heinousosities at which I can cast my verbal slings and arrows.

So then, much as I’m able, I’m gonna lay off the gendered stream-of-rage invective and stick to ones more focused on the imbecilities, hypocrisies, dimwitted bullying and WAY odious, insane calls for violence from the fascist females amongst us.

Back to the C word though – I find, that other countries see it so differently, très intéressant. According to Buzzfeed:

British people tend to throw this around a bit more free willy. It's still the worst word, but Brits are more nonchalant about using it.

In Australia the word:

...has many connotations – most of which are actually positive. For example:
If a friend of mine were to be exceptional at motorsports or a nice person in general he would henceforth be referred to as a “sick-cunt.”

Words and all the things they mean now and have meant over time – FASCINATING!

By the by, THANK YOU to Thomas Ten Bears for inspiring today's post!