Everything and everyone, here in my specific orbit, is fine…for the most part. Rather, they will be.
On Monday or Tuesday, Helen will be out of the hospital after the nasty-ass fall she took. Unsafe people are now out of her orbit. Her daughter is up from Austin for a week to take care of her and her younger siblings. Others will be pitching in after daughter #1 needs to fly south.
Ten was a real hero. He built a ramp for getting in the front door – Helen might be coming home in a wheelchair (a temporary thing until rehab gets her up and running again). He also repaired and replaced the first floor’s two broken windows.
I’m leaving a lot out because this ain’t my story to tell.
What I can say is this – people are godawful, bloody complicated. By the time we hit adulthood (LATE adult hood in my case) we’ve picked up a mega-load of ticks, knee-jerk habits, coping mechanisms (healthy and decidedly otherwise) and other assorted shit.
What might appear to all/most as self-aggrandizing and stone cluelessness may actually be a woefully misguided attempt to help.
Seriously.
I’ve often thought and/or said puh-LEEZE, spare me from the “she/he means well” crowd. Honestly, folks who fit that bill leave a long trail of havoc and chaos in their wake. Friends and fam are left picking up the pieces after their well intentioned assistance and save the day efforts.
Are you one of these people? It's goddamned important to understand who you are, unflattering as this is.
Here, have some helpful tips:
Don’t assume you know the best thing to do when a loved one’s in distress. Despite being mother, brother, sister, cherished next door neighbor or fave potted plant, you probably don't.
Ask before acting. If the person in distress is unavailable or too overwhelmed to answer, put this question to someone who’s close to the sitch (physically and/or emotionally).
The questions? “how can I help,” “what do you need.” Be prepared for non glam responses such as:
Unless you're the designated healthcare proxy, do NOT make major, life altering decions for your loved one.
- I really want the house clean before I get home.
- I need the car repaired.
- Can you stay with the kids until I get home?
- Can you go grocery shopping for me?
- Could you take me for a walk?
A lot of heroism is in taking care of the mundanities of everyday life. Yeah, ZZZZZZZZZ Time City but that's life, eh?
No comments:
Post a Comment