Helter Skelter

What does it mean when I wake up with Helter Skelter blaring in my head like I’m in a club, pogoing my ass off RIGHT in front of the speaker stacks. I mean…

When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide
And I stop and I turn and I go for a ride
And I get to the bottom and I see you again, yeah, yeah

Do you, don't you want me to love you
I'm coming down fast but I'm miles above you
Tell me, tell me, tell me, come on tell me the answer
Well, you may be a lover but you ain't no dancer

Look out
Helter skelter, helter skelter
Helter skelter

What’s it mean – what sort of portent is this? IS this some kind of shaded omen?

Fuck if I know. What am I? A goddamn oracle?

At yesterday’s seizure follow up appointment, I saw one of my sister Celeste’s regular nurse practitioners (Celeste, who also has Nf2, is doing chemo to reduce her acoustic neuroma and preserve her hearing). Amanda was awesome, answering my questions/addressing my concerns as best as is humanly and scientifically possible.

Things like:

• This last seizure had a trigger. I take three anti-seizure pills every morning and another three in the evening. One missed my mouth when I tossed back my morning dose – six hours later I was shakin’ like Elvis. What this trigger means is that, my current twice daily dose works but I can NOT fuck around and get all cavalier. I'm fresh out of wiggle room.
  

• What to do when I have another seizure? Just so ya know, as long as that rat-bastid tumor’s camped out on top of my bean’s motor cortex, there WILL be more seizures. I take  a couple milligrams of Atavan to quell the shakes. If that doesn’t do the deed, I down a Keppra.
  

• What happens AFTER the next seizure? Either a “secondary agent” (Bond. James Bond) will be added to the pile ‘o’ pills I now take OR it’ll be chemo or surgery time for yurs truly. There are a lot of “it depends” elements here – including the goddamn plague. Fer instance, if the hospital is jam-packed with COVID patients, it’s likely the good neuro docs will try to fix me up, in the short term, with drugs.
  

You know, better living through chemistry and shit.

• As for my wretched weakness, yes, this is due to my all-too-frequent seizures. Each one drains my resources a little more and I’ve had six in the space of five months. I need to keep on keepin’ on with the strength building PT exercises, walks (even if I can only do a block) and the elliptical. Some days it’ll be hard to motivate myself to do it but, goddamn, it’s GOT to be done. Giving up is NOT an option…yet.
  

 Meanwhile, in last night’s Mandalorian, Grogu was captured by the evil Empire dudes. He was put in a cell, shot (some sort of stun/sleep gun) and shackled.

This, THIS RIGHT HERE, is BULLSHIT!!!!!

So…emmmm…yeah, between this, my motherfucking tumors and the news, I’m kind of in a perma-angry space.

Clearly, I need veggie tempura and a martini.