I'm ALL about solutions!

OK, I have the solution to Columbia’s ‘Cocaine Hippo’ problem AND Arkansas’s coming governor’s race dilemma. Ya see, the twice impeached, disgraced, treason-happy, lying sack of rabid squirrel feces' fave gaslighter, Sarah Sanders is in the running for the  Arkansas guv office.

How can you solve a problem like Sarah-Lie? Replace the state’s inhabitants who rock the wildly low intelligence levels and racist dipshittery with Columbia’s excess Hippopotamuses. 

 See? Easy and done!

Now then, just in case you weren’t sure, Columbia’s so-called Cocaine Hippos are NOT actually coke addicted. Nope, while they may enjoy the odd martini (Sapphire, VERY dry with two olives – jalapeño stuffed if ya got ‘em), hippos are, generally, a sober lot.

How’d they get the tag AND get to South America? Drug lord, head of the Medellín Cartel, Pablo Escobar, brought them over from Africa to his 7,000 acre estate. He wanted a private zoo – HEY, don't we all? He also brought over giraffes and camels. These were re-homed somewhere but the hippos stayed and flourished. Originally there were four muy horny hippos – now there are between 80 and 100. Our frisky pals sought out roomier digs and moved down to the Magdalena river basin. Cool, cool, right?

For over a decade the Colombian government has been pondering how to best curb the growing population, a strategy largely supported by conservation experts. But not everyone is on board. Without direct evidence that the animals are doing harm, some ecologists argue that there’s no reason to cull or relocate them. Indeed, the hippos could fill in for species that humans pushed to extinction thousands of years ago—an idea known as rewilding. (source)

To my mind, killing off the hippos is cruel and insane. I GET that the hippos aren’t indigenous to Columbia BUT, fer fuck’s sake, white people aren’t native to America and…oh wait, bad example.

Jens-Christian Svenning, a biologist with Aarhus University in Denmark, doesn’t think people should assume the worst. In a 2017 letter in the journal Perspectives in Ecology and Conservation, he and a colleague argued that Escobar’s hippos are one of several species introduced to South America that might contribute “ecosystem services” provided by large herbivores that are now gone.
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South America lost dozens of giant herbivore species in the last 20,000 years or so, including the somewhat hippo-esque toxodons, which may have been semi-aquatic, as well as water-loving tapirs. Although several tapir species remain today, all are declining. “Hippos could likely contribute a partial restoration of these effects, likely benefitting native biodiversity overall,” Svenning says. He’d let the hippos be for now, while monitoring the creatures to ensure they don’t become a problem. 

Shurin notes that the animals may be providing a valuable service for native plants that once relied on large, now-extinct mammals to disperse their seeds. “We're planning to look at their poop and see what's in there,” he says. (source)

Back to my solution to the Arkansas treason enabler problem – move in the hippos. There are plenty of lakes and rivers. PLUS, hippos in and fuckwads removed, would make Arkansas a vacay destination spot because, c’mon, who doesn’t want to see BIG wildlife? Think of the job creation opportunities! Arkansas could finally start carrying their weight by NOT taking out more federal buckos than they pay in. AND they’d rise up from the bottom of the U.S. rankings in health care and education.

Where would we re-home the fuckwads? Wyoming or Idaho are my suggestions. Both are low population density red states.

With that done, there’s no Guv Sarah Slanders – NO continuation of the puke spew admin. I see a LOT of win here.