Monday, Monday

According to Mr. Martinez, there’s an old Orc saying:

That which does not kill me can kiss my ass.

Yeah baby, tell it!

At this time, in four days, I’ll be suiting up for my, happily unconscious, day of BRAIN surgery (that should, like totally, always be in all caps).

Here’s the deal, I used to be out like a light before they wheeled me into the OR. Lately, and I’m not sure why this is, they keep me awake.

Possibly, the staff figures, I’m such an old hand, a nine time (more or less — I’ve lost count) neurosurgery vet, that I wanna greet the crew, say g'mornin', before they knock me out. Yeah, that’s cool and shit. The first time they did this, saying ‘don’t you want to be awake to see the doctor beforehand?,’ I allowed that I trusted Fred was gonna show up and wouldn’t need my blessings to start up. What was I gonna say? It was kind of an awkward moment, eh? What DID I say? ‘Hey man. You get a good nights rest? Bonne chance and shit. Now, could someone please knock me the fuck out?’ 

Yeah, I’m a real treat.

This time, when they wheel me into the OR, I’d like some pre-show entertainment. How’s about they get a scrub suited Cerberus, (AKA great hound of Hades) or a nice sea monster like Scylla, this’d be WAY more fun for ME and this is ALL about me. Dig?

How’m I spending my pre-show days? Attempting to cram in MORE physical therapy exercises, read more wildly escapist fun stuff, spend quality time with the fam which, natürlich, translates to LOTS of Coco lap time AND trying NOT to eat everything in the damn house.

This is hard. As Sherman Alexie, possibly, once said, ‘I’m an emotional eater — I have an emotion, I eat.’ Yup, das ist mich.

I’m working on avoiding the news, though it IS fun to look at 45’s de-oranged, obvs sinking farther into Dementiaville’s visage. No, I seriously doubt he’ll ever do time. I expect his lawyers are trying to run out the clock — obstruct and delay until the old fuck’s dead or obvs too deranged (something clear to most humans eons ago) to stand trial.

Other good news? As of yesterday, 69.8 million people have received at least one dose of a Covid-19 vaccine. Predictably, vaccination rates are lower in the high rube red states. Just gives me another reason to never set foot in Arkansas, Utah or Mississippi. When will yurs brain-tumor truly be inoculated? As soon as my cutter gives me the all clear — sometime post-op.

Remember, just ‘cause you’ve had the vaccine doesn’t mean you can go all Spring Break, Saint Paddy’s Day crowded bar crazy! Read the CDC’s advice and pay some fucking attention.

I’ll get through Friday’s slice-up but, do me a solid — I’d like to live a few more years — don’t risk giving me the GQP Plague.

Grazie…and shit.