They Say It’s My Birthday

Celeste, Daddy and Me (I musta been around 12)

I haven’t been as overweight as I am now EVAH. Not once in my life! More or less, I presently come in at 200,000 GT (gross tons—yes, I’m in QE II range now). I may’ve mentioned this already.  I, naturally, blame my surgery habit of this past year.

In any case, today is my birthday. There will be Mexican takeout (fish tacos for me) AND cake (of course). Cake, as you know, is just a delivery vehicle for frosting. Specifically BIG frosting flowers. I want a goddamn garden—roses, gardenias, tulips, dandelions and MORE.

Ten, (who is, at this very moment, making me birthday spinach quiche for brekkie) tells me that our theoretically evil kitten has tracked litter into the fridge. How is that even possible? I tell ya, she’s a creative and mega talented little devil.

Coffee—I LURV coffee. Want/NEED a cup NOW! dammit…Haven’t had any since the day before my latest brain job. Warum? Docs said it’d conflict with one of the bazillion meds I was on post surgery. Bastids! Can I have coffee now though? It’s five months post slice-up…please, please, please!? Jen must make phone calls to Brain Central (AKA MGH). It’ll be her b-day prezzie to yurs truly.

With human sponsored climate change/planet roasting, it won’t be long before coffee’s just a distant beautiful memory.

If Earth’s climate continues to warm over the coming decades, obstacles to coffee cultivation will multiply. Consider Arabica coffee (Coffee arabica), the species grown for roughly 70 percent of worldwide coffee production. Arabica coffee’s optimal temperature range is 64°–70°F (18°C–21°C). It can tolerate mean annual temperatures up to roughly 73°F (24°C).

Above those moderate temperatures, fruit development and ripening accelerate. (If you didn’t know, coffee “beans” are actually the pit, or seed, of the plant’s fruit.) Faster ripening might not sound bad, but it actually degrades coffee bean quality. Continuous exposure to temperatures up to and just over 86°F (30°C) can severely damage coffee plants, stunting growth, yellowing leaves, even spawning stem tumors. (source)

Climate change also affects chocolate. Can you say ‘THIS IS SO UNFAIR’—of course you can. What can we as individuals do to save coffee and chocolate?

• Drive electric (if you can’t, take the train)
• Eat less meat and dairy (or, better still, cut it out of your diet entirely)
• Fly less
• Turn the AC and heat down
• Recycle as much as you possibly can
• and PLANT MORE GODDAMN TREES

DO IT!

OK, that was my birthday rant. Yes, yur welcome.

Birthday—Beatles