Let’s Get Beachy!

Or not. There are a ton of reasons to go down to the water but do some damn googling before you go! Here are some places to avoid.

Most Polluted (trash, oil spills, plastic and human poop)—Worldwide

• Freedom Island - Manila, Philippines
• Kuta Beach, Indonesia
• Guanabara Bay Beaches, Brazil
• Fujiazhuang Beach - Dalian, China
• Kamilo Beach - Naalehu, Hawaii

Most Polluted—U.S.

• Avalon Beach, California
• Ropes Park, Texas
• Cabrillo Beach Station, California
• Villa Angela State Park, Ohio
• Keaton Beach, Florida

Earth.com has a post up—Half of America’s beaches contain alarming levels of fecal contamination. Wow.

The worst offenders?

The Southern states, namely Florida, Texas, and Louisiana, proved to be the worst offenders. Up to 84 percent of their beaches experienced at least one day in 2022 where the water was contaminated with fecal matter.

More on Texas:

Environment Texas found 90% of Texas beaches tested positive for unsafe levels of fecal bacteria on one or more occasions. (source)

What about here in Massachusetts? We have a ton of public beaches here. Hello, Cape Cod anyone? Also, there’s the front yard here in Valhalla. Happily, none of my favorite places made the bad list.

People—ya know, us human types—are the cause of all the trashed and pooped up beaches. It follows then that the more crowded the waterfront the more garbage and fecal matter there will be.

Most Crowded Beaches—Worldwide

• Dameisha Bathing Beach, Shenzhen, China
• Dalian, China
• Ipanema Beach, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
• Magaluf, Majorca, Spain
• Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia

Most Crowded Beaches—U.S.

• South Beach, Florida
• Huntington Beach, California
• Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
• Ocean City, Maryland
• Gulf Shores, Alabama

How about sharks? Remember, the water is THEIR home not ours. They mega-graciously share but sometimes our big, sharp-toothed fishy friends get annoyed with us. Honestly, can ya blame them?

Top Shark-Infested Beaches—Worldwide

• New Smyrna Beach, Florida
• Makena Beach, Maui
• Bolinas, California
• Lake Nicaragua, Nicaragua
• West End, Grand Bahamas

The top three party beaches for sharks are in the U.S. What do I make of this? Americans are irritating as all hell and our ocean dwelling friends can hardly be blamed. Also, shark attacks are low (chance of an U.S. citizen being attacked by shark attack is about 1 in 3.7 million) but not zero.

U.S. beaches to avoid if you want to lower the risk of being lunch?

• Volusia County, Florida
• Brevard County, Florida
• Palm Beach, Florida
• Mauii, Hawaii
• Oahu, Hawaii

Basically, avoid Florida.

How about crime? What are the top U.S. beaches to hit if you want to be robbed, assaulted or otherwise crimed?

• Venice Beach, California
• Daytona Beach, Florida
• Waikiki Beach, Hawaii
• Siesta Beach on Siesta Key in Florida
• Carlsbad Beach, California

Meanwhile, in Virginia Beach, roving gangs of feral hogs, descendants of domesticated pigs brought over by English immigrants in the 1600s, are wilding. At a guess, they’re after fresh crabs—I mean, who doesn’t like a fresh crab meat sandwich on toasted sourdough?

If you’re taking the tots on a beach holiday this month, check the reports before you dive into feces infested waters.

Yur welcome.