NOT The Onion

Anyone out there looking to part with $399 (not including taxes or shipping costs) for a pair of sneaks that are so ugly and ostentatious that they rival Kanye West’s ridiculous, appalling designs?

Trump launches gold high top sneaker line a day after $350m court ruling

Donald Trump has launched his own sneaker brand, a day after a New York judge ordered him to pay $354.9m in penalties for fraudulently overstating his net worth to dupe lenders.
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He was met with loud boos as well as cheers, Associated Press reported, adding that as he spoke, the smell of weed occasionally wafted through the room. Attendees skewed younger and more diverse than Trump’s usual rally crowds, the news wire wrote. (source)

I only mention it but the website where you can order these horrendously overpriced kicks notes that:

The images shown are for illustration purposes only and may not be an exact representation of the product.

(NO, I'm not linking to the site. You want to go there? Google it yourself.)

So, essentially, who knows what the fuck these already ugly-ass shoes actually look like. We also don't know where they’re made. If they were made here in the U.S. there’d be a neon flashing banner proclaiming this. There isn't. I’m guessing they’re made in China. I’m also guessing that after they’re worn once on a rainy day, they fall apart like wet cardboard.

The site says that the tacky gold hightops are already sold out (but you can pre-order). SURE they are. The only Trump sneaks that exist are display models. This is Grifter Marketing 101. Only a MAGAt would fall for that lie.

Loser Turd is also selling perfume. Can you fucking imagine? The man renowned for his hurl inducing body odor is hawking $99 scent to his dimwitted cult.

Introducing "Victory By Trump - For Women," a fragrance that captures the essence of feminine strength and elegance. Infused with a blend of light floral notes, hints of citrus zest, and a whisper of spice, this scent is for the woman who embraces her victories with grace and allure.

How much you wanna bet it’s, instead, infused with Big Mac notes, hints of ketchup zest and whispers of french fry farts?

This new venture will assuredly fail bigly just like Trump Mortgage, Trump Steaks, Trump Vodka, Trump Casinos, Trump: the Game, Trump Airlines, Trump Magazine, Trump Ice and Trump University (I’m probably missing something—these can’t be ALL of his failures. Oh yeah, there’s Trump's Spawn too).

WHO would buy this shit? Do his fellow rich idiots part with their buckos for trash like this?(yes, I’m looking at you Mister MyPillow, Roger Stone and his Nixon tattoo, Kim Jong-un {uhhhhh, mebbe not}, Vlad, etc.) I’m guessing no, so Cheato’ll be relying on his NOT obscenely wealthy supporters to purchase his badly made, horrendously pricey tennis shoes and stinky toilet water. 

I only mention it but wearing these sneaks and a MAGA red hat pretty much advertises to the world that you're astoundingly gullible and a total mark.