Bon Bons and Weirdness

Jen bought me a nice box of bon bons the other day. Why? I was having a rough time (upcoming brain surgery, while my choice, is still a bit nerve curdling) and felt I would be in MUCH better shape with the addition of dark chocolate covered creams and nuts. Of fucking course!

There’s just one hitch in getting a raft of lovely candy goodness—a few of those beauties have caramel lurking inside. I despise caramel. It’s invariably thickly sticky and threatens to pull out all my fillings. The taste of caramel is, possibly, best described as this—if Victoria’s Secret intimate apparel was an edible treat. It LOOKS luxuriously expensive but, close-up, it’s made of cheap synthetic materials by sweatshop labor. Kind of like what Trump women (with the exception of Mary, of course) bring to the party—wholly fictional brains combined with cookie cutter plastic surgery ‘beauty.’

Speaking of which—yesterday, whilst scrolling (trying to avoid doom posts) I read that Jared Kushner is gay and his marriage to ’Vanky was ‘arranged.’ Also, Bullshit Barbie is rumored to be in the sapphic sorority. Frankly, if anything, I believe she’s bi (or as comedian and former Celebrity Apprentice staffer Noel Casler put it, she’s a “sexual opportunist”) Hells bells, we all saw that pic of her staring longingly at Justin Trudeau!

A few things:

• I could not possibly give fewer fucks as to who either of them schtups.

• Jared’s NOT an attractive guy (duh!) plus reports suggest, unsurprisingly, that he’s devoid of both charm and intelligence.  It makes sense that he's no more than Princess Peabrain’s beard.

• Beyond the bought and paid for face, tits and ass, Barbie doesn’t have much to offer either. Intellectually speaking, she’s a ridiculous lightweight and possesses all the social skills of a name-dropping, mean girl, vulgarian.

They’re a perfect match, eh?

As long as we’re on the topic of weird creatures—Jen, Oni and I are rewatching The X Files. Damn, Scully and Mulder look SO young! Granted, Gillian Anderson was just 25 when the series began. David Duchovny was 33. One thing I’d forgotten—Scully had just graduated from med school when she was recruited by the FBI. Higher ups keep referring to her as Dr. Scully which, while technically accurate, feels jarring. She hadn’t done her residency program, let alone a fellowship. Yes, this a persnickety quibble. Pardon the hell oughta me, K?!

Why rewatch an old show when there’s so many interesting current entertainments? New shows cost money. Given that the average cable plan costs around $83, it’s cheaper to watch what comes with the basic package than add in all the tantalizing extras. I’d like to check out Halo, Constellation, SurrealEstate and so much more but…well, they add up.

On that note—it’s time to pop a bon bon and hit the gym. Cheers!