Ghosts

People are weird. In what way? ALL sorts of ways but what I’m thinking about is basic social interactions and communications.

Specifically I’m talking about getting low-key or flat-out ghosted. Is it always on purpose?

Exemple numéro un:
Let’s say you and someone you’re loosely acquainted with are in the midst of discussions about doing some joint project. Maybe you’re working on a collaborative protest idea. Very cool. You’re psyched. You’re (okay I’m) waiting for a reply on an email I’ve sent—the ball is now in the other person’s court. After a few days without a word I’ve figured the other person’s no longer interested. MAYBE that’s the case. Maybe not.

This is an online acquaintance not an in real life friend so, in the absence of a response, it’s impossible to know what’s truly up. Possibly, the person caught a bad cold or is overwhelmed with family or work probs and forgot all about me and the project. Could be they’re no longer interested in the proposed biz or they’ve found some other way to protest that’s a better fit for them. This is totally fine but it sure would have been nice to get a brief heads up email.

Exemple numéro deux:
A couple who had been dear friends—one of whom I’ve known since childhood—stopped answering my emails. Why? Maybe they’re just not so into me and my quirky-ass (obnoxious? who…moi?!) stylings anymore. Possibly my emails went into their spam folders? Who knows?

Exemple numéro trois:
Someone I’ve known for 40+years. Though we once had been, we’re not close friends and don’t have many, if any, mutual friends. He occasionally drops a note announcing a Zoom party that he and his wife are throwing, mentions current events, and wishes me well. I respond but it’s as though I’ve sent my email off into a cosmic void. His emails are clearly not meant as the beginnings of a conversation.

 Exemple numéro quatre:
Another long-time good friend. She hasn’t completely dropped off the face of the earth but she almost never writes and rarely responds to birthday or holiday greetings that I send. Am I being purposely ghosted or is something else going on? I'd ask a mutual friend but...see exemple numéro trois.

Jeffrey Schweitzer

It’s taken me until now to realize that their responses (rather, the lack thereof) most likely has fuck-all to do with me. My knee-jerk tendency to take everything as a personal, laser directed rejection isn’t fair to me or them. Still, it's weird to be left hanging like this. Even a short blow-off type email (“crazy busy right now. Will email as soon as I get a chance”) would be preferable to twisting in the wind. 

How long do you wait before:

• accepting that their lack of response is intentional and meaningful?

• figuring they’re too overwhelmingly busy to even dash off a note?

• calling the cops to do a wellness check?

No, really, how long before YOU know?

By no means am I exempt from social weirdness—fuck no. I’ve not always succeeded in rising above my cranky, careless, misanthropic tendencies (yes, that was in fact a big ass understatement) but I try to follow polite protocols. REALLY!

Now this song’s playing on the old internal turntable.