Tense and Nervous

 Well, it’s been a week since I saw my neurologists’s nurse practitioner and told her of my fun new potential brain tumor growth symptoms. I was to check in at this point (I did so late yesterday afternoon), to tell them if the swelling and quasi-numb interior feeling is still present.

It is. 

Ten took me out for a brief (quarter mile) seawall walk yesterday. Now then, I don’t walk as much as I should – most of my cardio comes from recumbent elliptical action – so maybe it shouldn’t come as a surprise that I experienced some weakness on top of everything else. I don’t get a lot of practice walking this big old bod around.
 
What’d I do after we got home though? 15 minutes on the elliptical because I just HAD to see if I could do it. 

I could but then my ankle and foot puffed up as though my blood had been replaced by oobleck. NOT as much fun as it may sound.

I just heard back from Brain Biz Central and my MRI is being moved up. This is good but also scary. What if the rat fucking meningioma bastard that's squatting over my motor cortex is growing – getting fat and happy on my dime? Will I still be a candidate for proton radiation? (if tumor boy's too big, I won't be) Will proton radiation work to halt and maybe even reverse growth? I’d really, really, really like to avoid more brain surgery PLEASE.

I mean, I’ve had eight (count ‘em eight) of these suckers already (three in the last five years) and, if I need one now, it’s gonna be a two-parter. Why? I don’t have enough spare skin left up top to close up the incision after they take out my uninvited guest. Surgeon Fred would have to take a graft from elsewhere and patch it in. This would be a big, long, involved, messy deal. On top of that, every damn time they cut open my head, my balance is worse afterwards and it's pretty fucked up as it is.

FYI, this sucks.

Yeah, I’m a little tense and nervous and I’m probably going to engage in a rare daytime gummy too. Admit it, you would too. Also, pineapple habanero, mmmmmmmmmm! 

I only mention it but eight brain surgeries ought to qualify me for some super special compensation. Fer instance:

• I should be able to live in a world that does NOT contain fascist, asswipian racists and bullying, shit-stained, barely sentient, profoundly dimwitted and greedheaded underpants gnomes like the ones who populate the US and run the current US government. 

• In my rightfully rewarded universe, I have NO problem digesting dairy products such as REAL ice cream. On hot days, such as the one we’re going to have today, I could eat dish after dish of cookies and cream and not suffer any nasty aftereffects. Also included in my restitution, NO weight gain from consuming a gallon! Duh.

• Transporter beams – want one, NEED one. The roads round here are absolute shit and, under the current idiot administration, they’re not gonna get any better. It’s only 14 miles from Valhalla to Healthcare Central but it may as well be an unpaved million miles. So, a transporter beam for your alway-in-hospital girl, please.

I don’t ask for much. Ya know?