What’s It all About

What’s this Coldplay couple thing all about and why are we all experiencing ginourmous sparkly Schadenfreude from it?

It starts with a pair of none-too-bright, lovey dovey paramours canoodling at a big pop concert. It was the kind of show with a Jumbotron or “kiss cam.” You know, who can resist playing it big, bold, and dramatic for your one unexpected moment of fame? A lot of folks take the moment to brightly smile, wave, and cinematically smooch. Me? In the radically unlikely event of a camera focusing on me, I’d probably make a twisted, goofy face (i.e. resting Donna face) and flip the ol’ double birds. I’m wicked civilized like that.

What did the married multimillionaire CEO of a tech company and his affair partner, the head of HR no less, do? They attempted to duck down out of the camera’s view, making it totally, thoroughly obvious that they were up to something messy. In MEGA spades, they achieved precisely the opposite of their intent.

The original vid went viral with more than 45 million views on TikTok and millions more in reposts across other platforms.

In the video, following Byron and Cabot's response to the camera, Coldplay front man Chris Martin can be heard saying, "Either they're having an affair, or they're just very shy.” (source)

Heh. Chris was spot on. They were very shy because they were having an affair. Too bad they weren’t smart, savvy, calm, cool or in any way discrete.

Dunno about Kristin but Andy’s got an estimated net worth of between $20 and $70 million. Once the OMG-What-An-Idiot storm has passed, he’ll slide into another high tech C suite gig easily. Tech and big money bros will likely see Andy's antics as a plus. His inevitable divorce settlement will be painful but completely survivable – a mere blip. 

Kristin hopefully has good savings and investments. I sincerely doubt she’ll be able to find work in HR again. Especially not after outing herself as the poster girl for everything you should NOT to do when you’re the boss of HR.
 
While scrolling around on Threads I saw folks from as far away as Latvia and Thailand chiming in and LOLing about this. Imagine fucking up so bad that you've made yourself into a worldwide joke! (I'm proud to say that, while I've fucked up a LOT in this life, I've never hit that height) Hell, I bet even the penguins on the Heard and McDonald Islands are knee-slapping about this.

Why is this hitting so big though? For the same reason that most of us are on Team Orca, Team Luigi, Team Ukraine, and every other David who takes down or just watches and benefits from a Goliaths' fall.

Shame, tax, laugh at, and eat the overprivileged, greedheaded, robber baron fucks!