Grimm's Orange

This is nothing new but WHY is his makeup so astoundingly, laughably bad? Maybe it's bugging me anew because I've just recently noticed the serious degradation of his skin texture. His face looks like five miles of unpaved, backcountry road after a rain storm. He's starting to look as bad as Nematode Noem.

I get it – really I do. He’s trying to affect a healthy glow, a lovely tan but, c’mon buddy! He misses the target by light years every damn day. 

Just to start with...the color. Are white people, who spend time outdoors in Florida, all pumpkin colored? I’ve only been to the state once (and that was 45 years ago) and I don’t remember this. In fact, outside of Oompa Loompas, I just don’t recall ever seeing an orange hued human or humanoid anywhere. Is this a new phenomenon? Is it specific to Florida Republicans? Should this be a new race category on official forms? Ya know, are you White, Black, Asian, Native American, Native Hawaiian, Orange, etc? Check the appropriate box.

Is he suffering from carotenemia? This is a harmless condition in which the skin appears orange due to the high consumption of foods that contain high levels of carotene, a natural pigment.

He could’ve gotten this from eating an excess of string beans, asparagus, broccoli, cucumber, lettuce, spinach, pumpkins, kale or sweet potatoes.  

Nah, he eats Big Macs, burnt steaks, and French fries. Also, if he was becoming orangified from eating veggies, the color probably wouldn't stop an inch from his hairline.

Next, the day to day face paint application is wickedly inconsistent. We can only assume that on:

• Monday and Wednesdays aspiring eight year old artists (AND their chaperones) come in with student grade makeup kits and practice.
• Tuesdays and Thursdays it’s a toddler with crushed pumpkin guts and Elmer’s glue.
• Fridays he has Pete Kegstand, still drunk from his Thursday night bender, do him up in the special Pentagon makeup studio. 
• Saturday and Sunday? The Orange Asshole’s on his sad, grossly untalented own.

Has no one in his close orbit ever said anything to him about how insanely clownish he looks? Not Melania, Ivanka or his small animal killing, freakazoid son, Lurch? Yeah…okay…I get it. None of them give a fuck. Melania and Ivanka care about him as much as he does about them – it’s all transactional. They’re just ornaments to him and he’s no more than a cash source to them. Lurch? That kid’s just 99 kinds of wack, just très skeevy with a solid serial killer vibe. I doubt he’s even noticed that, on any given day, his ancient sperm donor looks like a battered, rotting traffic cone.

I can only assume that, when Pedo looks in the mirror, he sees a completely different, less horrifying reality OR all the damn mirrors are covered.

MAYBE someone once sent him an ungaikyō – a haunted mirror – one with the ability to show the demon possessing him. Ever since then, he’s banned reflective surfaces in his palaces?

Damn, I thinks I’ve gone all Grimm Brothers here.