Blizzard Update

From the before blizzard times

Don’t know when the blizzard finally started but it was definitely late, late, late. We were originally told he’d arrive at teatime. Ya know, 4PM but NOOOOOOO! Dude didn't even have the decency to call to let us know he was held up in traffic or whatev.

Around 6PM the wind picked up a bit but it was nothing that those of you who aren’t severely balanced-challenged would think twice about. YES I’m jealous and resentful. What of it!

Fiber artist Emily Engel-Young posted a premature storm update on Threads at 5PM to feed all the disaster junkies. You know, the Catastrophe Connies and Cataclysm Clydes who seem to get an orgasmic thrill or the equivalent of a sustained coke buzz from proximity to calamitous events…as long as said events have little to no real impact on their lives.

Also from the before blizzard times

OR she’s just cheerily mocking how all of us have jumped on this natural, seasonal distraction from the viciously barbarous, manmade debacles that rain down on us every day. Hello Pedophile Administration, I'm talking about YOU!

Yup, I bet that’s it. Anyway...

STORM UPDATE: Flurries have commenced and by 6 PM (midnight or so, in Boston), the living will envy the dead. Accumulations may exceed 40 ft with drifts up to 100 ft. Most buildings will collapse under the crushing weight of the snow. Temps will approach -50° with a wind chill of -10,000° and this is just the beginning. By 9 PM, no trace of human endeavor will remain visible above and what was once the Commonwealth of Massachusetts will now resemble the wind and ice blasted surface of Europa, Jupiter's largest moon.

All of civilization will have collapsed and even the tons of salt poured out upon the roads will be meaningless before the onslaught. By midnight, a small group of survivors, huddled around a dying gas lamp at the weather observatory atop the Berkshire East Ski Area, will peer out through a drift and glimpse a Hellish snowscape from which there is no hope of escape.

Then the wolves will find them.

A few people replied:

Soooo. It’s too late to get eggs, milk, and toilet paper is what you’re saying.

Soooo I might have no work on Tuesday, too?!

Soooo, what you’re telling me is, it's still up in the air?

Here in Valhalla, just three measly miles south of town, we’re holding up just fine. We still have heat, lights, Wi-Fi, and water. We have snacks, whiskey, cats, and clean laundry. None of us are going outside, not even to take blizzard pictures. Fuck that shit!