Landlocked

I don’t think I could live in a landlocked state or country. I imagine this’ll come as no surprise if you’re a long time reader of this here blog. I’m kind of big on proximity to the water. I could do a  lake maybe but I really prefer to be on the coast – closer the better.

Here in Valhalla we’re one house back from the seawall. That’s about as far as I’m willing to go.

When my friend Susan, who grew up across the street from a beach on the Cape, moved to Minneapolis, I was stunned. HOW could she possibly live so far from the water!!!

Well, as it turns out Minneapolis contains 22, count ‘em, 22 lakes. 13 of those babies cover at least five acres too. So, Susan’s not on an ocean but she’s definitely not far from water. 

There are 27 landlocked U.S. states. Seven of these border the Great Lakes though. Nebraska is most landlocked of all the states as one must pass through four states, minimum, to reach an ocean. Sheesh.

Kansas, by the by, is the only US state without any natural lakes. Any that you do see, should you find yourself there for some strange, unfortunate reason, are man-made. Kansas has three rivers though. Whoopee.

Oklahoma has some small oxbow type natural lakes but any others you might come across there are man-made. 

Utah, Wyoming, Iowa, Montana, Missouri, and West Virginia are pretty damn dry and far from oceans too. I wonder if that’s a contributing factor to MAGAtism. Wouldn't be surprised.

Texas has just one natural lake but the state's on the Gulf on Mexico so, for all it’s myriad sins, at least it’s not landlocked.

I realize I’m one of those folks who’s just innately tied to the ocean. Well, the shoreline anyway – I'm not a boat person. Some people are bound to mountains or forests or desertscapes. To each their own and shit.

Here’s the thing though, being far away from the ocean can be inconvenient. You’re not close to major ports. Very little is manufactured in the U.S. at this point so if you’re in Bumfuck Iowa, your iPhone, car parts, lobster tails, real Champagne, viagra and ozempic all come into coastal ports and are put on a plane or truck before they make the journey to your landlocked state. The cost for the extra miles of transportation is added to your bill. Also, how fresh and tasty do you think that frozen seafood is compared to what I can get down the street at my local pub? (That is, IF I ate shellfish which I do NOT. They look like giant bugs, fer gawds sake!)

I was looking at a map of Africa yesterday, as one does, and realized that the continent has a LOT of landlocked countries – 16 in total. Burkina Faso, Zimbabwe, and Eswatini to name just three.

There are 16 landlocked countries in Europe as well. Switzerland, Czechia, and Belarus fer instance.

15 in Asia, including Azerbaijan, Kyrgyzstan, Laos, Mongolia, and Nepal. All these names spark up my wanderlust. If I had the money and was physically robust, I’d love to take a year and do a slow tour through all these countries.

South America has just two landlocked countries – Bolivia, Paraguay.

Of all the places I’ve visited, and I’ve not been to nearly enough different lands, the most beautiful, diverse and perfect for me has been the Isle of Skye. It’s on the ocean, there’s woodland, the craggy mountains of the Black Cuillin are brilliantly majestic. The Quiraing has to be seen, hiked, embraced to be believed.

What would make it absolutely ideal would be:

A)  If it were more remote so there were fewer (less?) tourists.
B)  If Doc Plotkin and the rest of my NF2 pit crew (surgeons and other assorted neuro specialists) were located there too. Hey, I’m sure they’d love the place! Alternatively, maybe they could install a Star Trekian transporter beam and just beam me back and forth from Skye to MGH every couple of weeks.

Medicare will cover that, right? RIGHT?!!!