Anniversaries and Dinosaurs

Today’s a big day. Not only is it this the seventh anniversary of Ten and I jumping over the broom it is Raptor Day!

No, I’m not talking about National Velociraptor Awareness Day (which is on April 18th, thenkewveddymuch), National Bird of Prey (Raptor) Day (October 3rd), OR the rapture  – which we won’t ever have date for according to the christian's very own ultra holy guide book. *ahem* Matthew 24:36 anyone?

NOPE. According to the internet, raptors (presumably of the small, carnivorous dinosaur variety) will be returning to Earth today to…dunno.

Is today like dinosaur Christmas? Do we watch Jurassic Park, cheer on the Dilophosaurus and Gallimimus as they run by and then sit down for a hearty holiday rotisserie chicken dinner? Is there an exchange of presents? Do we hang Raptor stockings on the hearth? What's the traditional Raptor Day cheer? Maybe the Bird of Paradise (Aperol, pineapple juice, and overproof rum)?

 Is Raptor Day more like Easter where we go to midnight mass and celebrate the divine Velociraptor rising from the dead, thus saving all life on Earth (NOT just humanity) from an eternity in Hades? Will there be Velociraptor egg hunts? Were we supposed to paint Velociraptor eggs yesterday and hide them for the kids to find today? Was I supposed to have kids? I forgot to do both of these things. Everything seems to have gotten away from me. *sigh*

I’ve read that we’re supposed to have put Costco rotisserie chickens out last night for the raptors to feast on – that and green Jello. We didn’t – we didn’t know. I don’t even know where the nearest Costco is. Also, being pescatarians, we’d feel kind of funny about buying meat even if we’re not going to be the ones eating it. (cat food doesn’t count) Besides, our coyote and raccoon neighbors would probably get to it before the raptors got here (I don’t know what time they’re scheduled to arrive – they didn't reply to my text).

Why the green Jello? Are the raptors having joint pain or indigestion? Why green? Lime flavor goes with their skin tone better than cherry?

Is Raptor Day a dressy holiday? Do I need to dig in my closet for a nice spring dress? I don’t think that’s gonna work – I don’t do dresses and stockings anymore. No fancy shoes either. I have some flashy tie dye leggings though and a lovely faux tiger skin jacket. That’ll do, right?

I only mention it but, as we all know, our birdy buddies are descended from dinosaurs – birds ARE dinosaurs. AND Big Bird’s birthday was March 20th – just TWO little days ago! Coincidence? I think,the fuck NOT. Is Big Bird coming today to bring us all to the Sesame Street in the sky where we forever share cookies with Cookie Monster, count with the Count, shuffle around with Mr. Snuffleupagus, or sit and listen to Janice, Animal, and the rest of the band play on? I'd like that.

Oh, as it turns out, I got the date of our anniversary wrong. It was on March 30th of 2019 that Ten and I arrived in Valhalla after driving 3,259 miles from Oregon with all his possessions. We're still celebrating today though. I mean, Big Bird's birthday, raptors, anniversaries – bring it all on, baby! The more to celebrate the better. Ten and I can always celebrate our connubial bliss again next week.