Bat Guano

So look, I’m in NO way meaning to dis bats or bat shit in ANY way. I mean, bats eat a TON of insects. That’s awesome! Better to have them hanging around your yard on a summer night than to coat yourself in chemicals (DEET AKA: N,N-diethyl-m-toluamide). Also, better to fertilize your lawn and garden with fabola organic good-for-the-soil-AND-the-plants bat shit than the synthetic stuff. Right?!

But see here, there are a certain amount of people who need to be called out hard. They are, for reals now, serious batshit.

Lauren Boebert — I mean, obviously. The woman really gives us lazy heauxs and foolish twats a bad name and I totally resent that! This person isn’t just uneducated – I don’t believe we could find an atom’s worth a sense or natural intellectual capacity in her with a live cell imaging microscope. She probably needs someone to remind her to brush her teeth, wipe her ass, and put on clothes each morning.

Handy Oakley, as she’s more commonly known, is the Vice Chair of the House Natural Resources Subcommittee on Oversight and Investigations. This sounds like a made up position – like giving a kid a fancy title for making sure all the green and brown crayons stay properly aligned in the box. Ya know, to make him feel like he's important.

Markwayne Mullen — He’s a senator. Oh but wait. He’s a senator from Oklahoma, the state that ranks 50th in education. Unsurprisingly, he’s gaspingly low on brainpower. How low you ask? He was on Fox “News” Monday and, not just once but, TWICE referred to Kegseth as President Hegseth. No. Really. He also waxed gritty about the “smell of war.” 

“It smells bad. If anybody has ever been there and been able to smell the war that’s happening around you and taste it and fill it in your nostrils and hear it, it’s something that you’ll never forget….”

He’s never been in the military, never been to war or in a war zone. He was a rancher and a plumber before becoming a senator. The closest he’s been to war is playing Call of Duty on his couch. 

Nancy Mace — The bathroom monitor House Rep from South Carolina. WHAT is her problem? I’ve gotta figure she’s suffered some serious abuse while growing up and/or as a young adult. It seems she’s never had the opportunity to successfully work through it with a decent therapist. At this point she really just ought to go inpatient. I'm serious here.

Clearly Nancy’s desperate for attention but WHY, WHY, WHY did she go into politics? Did she feel she wasn’t quite enough of an exhibitionist for, say, a circus act? Did she consider becoming a school teacher or a salesperson but was told she was too deranged, unintelligent and/or lacking in empathy? What?

Nancy’s chair of the House Subcommittee on Cybersecurity, Information Technology, and Government Innovation. In that roll she’s led congressional hearings on UFOs. Apparently, Nanc is worried about little green men invading Earth. 

Krazy Kash Patel — Wanna know how absolutely imbecilic this administration is and how out of the loop old Krazy Kash is? He fired a dozen agents and staff members from a counterintelligence unit tasked with monitoring threats from Iran days before Pedo and Bibi went all bomb happy on Iran. Why? 

Each was involved in the investigation of President Donald Trump’s alleged retention of classified documents at his Mar-a-Lago estate. 
~~~
In Trump’s first term, CI-12 (DC-based FBI counterintelligence unit) was instrumental in tracking potential threats from the Iranian regime in retaliation for the 2020 drone strike that killed Gen. Qasem Soleimani, then-leader of Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps Quds Force.

Iranian-backed actors have since been charged with plots to assassinate American officials that Iran has blamed for Soleimani’s death, including Trump, former Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and former national security adviser John Bolton. (source) 

Ooooh, OUCH! That mistake's gonna be a big issue in Kash's annual review, eh? Some GOP bozo thought he'd be perfect as the Director of the FBI.

Have you heard about the Florida Rep, Anna Paulina Luna yet? Like Nancy Mace, Anna believes in little green men. She refers to them as “inter dimensional beings.” Before getting elected to Congress Luna was an influencer and did something with Turning Point USA (you know, that shot-in-the-neck, idiot, dead guy’s show) where she actually compared Hillary Clinton to herpes. WHAT is it with these absolute mindless rutabagas talking trash to and about Clinton. Do they honestly not realize that, when they do this, they look, more or less, 10,000 times more astoundingly stupid than before they opened their mouths?

Nope, guess not. The ability to recognize that would require brainpower.

Anna leads the House Oversight Task Force on declassification of federal secrets. Gosh, don't you feel safer knowing that such a cerebral heavyweight is in charge of this? 

The Guardians Of Pedophiles will never run out of complete idiots.