Question for the Catholics

I found this question and the noted answers on Threads and knew that I absolutely had to share. A few folks answered seriously. Most did not.

Q: How many communions until you’ve eaten a whole Jesus?

A selection of the replies:

▶️    There used to be a fantastic self-hosted website in the 90s where some dude did a review of various toppings for communion wafers. 

       Winners: 
          • cheese whiz 
          • dijon

        Losers: 
           • squeezable sardine paste
           • horseradish 

WWJD

▶️    And why do you call them Communion Wafers when "Jeezitz" is still available?

▶️    Is it like those stamp books or sticker books, where when you get enough to fill it you get a prize? "I've only had one foot and an ankle, but I'm working towards the knee now!"

▶️    I need someone to do the math on how sips of wine equals Jesus’ total estimated blood volume. 🍷

▶️    Depends on his mass.

▶️    I don’t know, but once I gave a particularly crusty piece to an irreverent parishioner who complained he got “the toenail of Christ.”

▶️    Theophagy (the sacramental or ritualistic consumption of a deity) is a ritual stolen from the Greeks. The Greek god of wine, Dionysus, had a sect known as the Maenads who practiced theophagy, consumption of their god for his power, through omophagia, eating raw flesh and drinking blood. The play of bread to flesh and wine to blood is witchcraft transmutation but xians label it as “transubstantiation.”

One of the most controversial practices attributed to the Maenads is sparagmos, the tearing apart of live animals, followed by omophagia, the consumption of raw flesh. This act symbolized the dissolution of boundaries between humans and nature, life and death, and was thought to allow the Maenads to absorb the vital essence of the god himself. (source) 

When we drill right down to the roots, Christians were incredibly shameless cultural appropriators.

▶️    We talking adult Jesus or Xmas baby Jesus?

▶️    So is Jesus just like the Catholic Prometheus?

▶️    I wonder if they offer a gluten-free Jesus...

Someone helpfully replied that some churches do rice Jesus.

Nacho communion!

Then we got snackable Jesus:

▶️    Ngl I low key always really fucked with the little Jesus crackers. I thought they tasted good. 

▶️    Need to find out where to get them. Sometimes you just wanna snack on some Jesus.

▶️    When I was five or six I escaped CCD to wander the halls and found a gigantic plastic bag of the wafers and started chowing down. I feel I probably am filled with 1/4 Jesus. I am definitely not a Catholic anymore. 

▶️    I don't know. But I know you're going to burn in hell. 😂

These next two commenters totally missed the levity and/or they really take themselves, god, and religion FAR too seriously OR they just forgot to include the snark emojis:

▶️    Every single communion wafer is the whole Jesus. That's the point of transubstantiation!

Transubstantiation is a key doctrine in Roman Catholic theology that describes the belief that during … Holy Communion … the bread and wine used in the sacrament are miraculously transformed into the actual body and blood of Jesus Christ, while retaining their physical appearance. This belief is rooted in the accounts of the Last Supper, where Jesus instructed his disciples to partake in these elements in remembrance of him. Catholics maintain that this transformation occurs during the Eucharistic Prayer, a central part of the Mass, and is accepted as a matter of faith rather than scientific proof. (source) 

▶️    9104. It’s in the footnotes of Summa Theologica.
~~~
Yeah … 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆. Like I’m gonna read through all that! The Summary of Theology by Thomas Aquinas (written from 1265 through 1274) was, as I understand it, written as an instructional guide for teachers, a beginning student’s theology textbook, and a compendium of all the approved teachings of the Catholic Church. It’s comprised of three volumes and around 2,500 pages.

I don’t know what 9104 means so I googled it. A few possibilities:

1) Aerospace Quality Standard (AS9104) The IAQG implements quality initiatives for improvements throughout the aerospace products and services value stream. 

I don’t think this is what the poster was referring to but I could be wrong.

2) Microsoft SQL Server Error (9104) – If you see error code 9104 in a database environment, it typically indicates that auto statistics failed for some reason (such as a resource crunch or a temporary deadlock). 

3) It’s some kind of spiritual/angel numerology thing. Supposedly:

9: Tells you that the challenges you go through in life will help build your character.
1: Urges you to believe that you have all that it takes to succeed and make your dreams come true.
0: Amplifies the energies of the numbers that it appears with.
4: Reminds you that you create your luck.

Looks like inane, scammy turnipshit to me but I guess this is what the poster was referencing.

And that’s my Sunday morning. It appears I’ve missed mass for the 2,817th week in a row. If I go to confession now, I wonder how many Hail Marys and Our Fathers I’ll have to recite as penance? A duodecillion? A quattuordecillion? 300 mega bazillion?