It's Caturday

Rocco – our dearly departed cat exorcist

Jen and I are thinking we may need to invest in a kitty exorcist. 

Why? 

First remember, between our two abodes we have three beasties. Yes, we’re running on the light side lately. What can I say? The Cat Distribution System (CDS) hasn’t been ‘round recently. WE’RE SUFFERING HERE! Skitter and Walter live with Jen, Oni, and Kevin. Cake lives with Ten and me. Yesterday all three of our resident overlords seemed distinctly out of sorts – just not in the mood for any of their minions’ nonsense. And by “nonsense” I’m referring to liberties and indignities such as:

• Giving one too many head pats
• Not moving our hands away from proferred treats quickly enough
• Wearing sneakers when you KNOW I HATE those particular sneakers this morning! 

These are clear crimes against felinity and obvs deserved a fair swat or three. Yes, even with claws out. These indiscretions and blunders will simply not be tolerated!

I thought I was fairly safe as I’ve been in bed with my sore foot lately. Yesterday though, I ventured downstairs to find that I’m not in fact exempt. Naturally, I had to text Jen immediately and tattle on her beloved’s crime (Jen is Cake’s favorite after Ten. Me? I’m just a stray broad who he cadges pats from occasionally).

Sarah Andersen

Me:  Your cat 🐈‍⬛ just took a swipe at me!

Jen:  Haha… MY cat?

And what is his deal today? Poor little confused pumpkin. Does he need an exorcist too???

Me:  Yes! Cat exorcists all around!

Jen:  Maybe we can get a discount for multiple ‘cisms. 
 
Me:  That would be good but NO Walmart exorcisms. Their priests are cheap, made in China, knock-offs. Their Latin is all run through Google translate so it's seriously sus. I’m afraid that, instead of exorcising our kitten’s demons, we’ll end up summoning Cerberus or some other hellhounds. No thank you! AND, swear to god, the last “priest” they sent was Methodist! I mean, REALLY NOW! The absolute audacity of these capitalists!

Jen:  Geez, maybe we should go directly to Rome. Get one of those milk drinking nuns instead!

This is a reference to when Jen and I were people watching at a hotel bar in Rome. From our perch we could see the hotel's entrance. A huge crowd (a flock?) of habit clad nuns pulled up in a tour bus and poured into the building. One very short, compact sister, split off from the group, made a beeline for the bar, and placed an order. 

Naturally, our curiosity was piqued. WHAT had this nun ordered? A whisky, brandy, Chartreuse, maybe a Limoncello? 

Nope, sister ordered a shot of milk, straight, no chaser. She tossed it back like a gun fighter about to head to the OK Corral and then walked out the door to rejoin the flock.

Well … alrighty then!

Back to exorcists and cats – all seems calm on the feline front this morning so I don’t think we’ll need to place an emergency call into the Rome office after all. 

PHEW!

Ronald Searle